Afterscape

I crouched down, trying to warm my hands over the burnt-down embers of a fire. I couldn’t build it up too big, as I was inside an old, run-down, damp building, and would smoke myself out. But I needed the warmth, or this building would be my tomb, as it was for many before me. I’d stepped over their bones on the way in, already picked clean of meat, clothing, or valuables by those who came to scavenge before. I’d been scavenging for years – almost my whole life – in the Afterscape.

Sometimes I remembered the Before. A time of peace. A land of blue skies and green grass. But that was many years ago. Now, the world was darkened skies, red moons, burnt out buildings, acid rain, and only the memories of something once known as “plants.”

Plants existed then. But in the Now, all I could do was scavenge, looking for things to eat, wear, and burn to keep warm. And stay away from the Others. If the Others caught me, then I would become like them. The only safety was in solitude. In squatting in this old building, alone, trying to maintain a fire big enough to keep warm, but small enough not to attract them.

The fire couldn’t quite drive the chill of the air away from me, so I reached over and picked up a book from the haphazard, scavenged pile next to me. I didn’t really pay attention to the book I picked up. I’d long since lost interest in anything from the Before, even though I could read. But as I lifted the book on top of the stack and made to toss it on top of the fire, something fell from between the pages, landing on the ground with a half-muffled thunk. I paused, still holding the book, staring down. I couldn’t quite tell what it was – something with a metallic, golden sheen.

Despite the cold, I found myself intrigued and set the book down on the ground, picking up the object between my thumb and first finger. On closer inspection, it was a necklace. A thin golden chain with a charm dangling on the end. I vaguely recognized the shape of the charm – it tingled at the back of my mind like an almost-forgotten memory. Then I placed it. A heart. I examined it closer and noticed a hinge on one side, and a latch on the other – it opened somehow.

Even more intrigued, I dug my nails into the side with the latch and pried. It resisted for a moment before popping open.

Inside, I found two pictures in heart-shaped frames. On the left, a picture of two girls in casual clothes standing in a park. One stood shorter than the other, with short, messy, dark hair, and she wore dark, ripped pants and a black shirt. The other girl was tall and willowy. Her long blond hair fell around her in waves, and she wore a pastel sundress. The taller girl had her arms wrapped around the shoulders of the shorter one, and both smiled at the camera.

I turned my gaze to the second picture in the right frame. This picture featured the same two girls. But this time they both wore large, dramatic dresses. The blond girl wore pure white and held a bouquet of pink roses in one hand. The shorter one wore a black dress with a bouquet of black roses in her other hand. They held hands and looked at each other, both smiling, as they walked through a field of flowers.

It was a taste of the Before, one I hadn’t gotten in a while. The beautiful green scenery in the background called to me and I stared at the pictures for quite a while, wondering about the people inside. What had their lives been like? Finally, my curiosity got the better of me and I picked up the book once again, flipping it open.

It was a thick, hard-backed book covered in fabric that may have once been a color other than brown. Three letters were pressed into the front: Ava. I figured it must be a name.

The pages were stained but covered in still-legible handwriting. All the letters were neat and written in a loopy script. Each page had a series of numbers at the top that I figured must mean something, but I couldn’t remember what.

I flicked through it idly for a moment, settling down to sit cross-legged on the floor. Most of the entries were short, just a few lines scribbled on the page. For a while, none caught my attention, and I almost tossed the book into the fire. But then I flicked to a new page. A heart, drawn in pink ink, looped around the numbers at the top of the page. Without meaning to, I started to read:

9-3-14

It’s the first day of my senior year of high school! It was a good day. I missed so many of my friends this summer. I’m excited for cheerleader tryouts.

A new girl transferred into my homeroom. She’s kind of weird – likes to wear all black. And her name is Skye. I wonder what she’s like.

All black – that could be one of the girls from the pictures in the locket. I continued reading for another few pages, but none of those entries said anything interesting. A few anecdotes about school. Ava became captain of the cheer squad.

But then, another entry with a heart around the numbers caught my attention:

9-9-14

I spoke to Skye today. She’s always been quiet, but we got paired up for a project. I asked about her t-shirt and she got excited and told me all about a sci-fi show called Doctor Who. Then she got embarrassed for talking too much, but I didn’t mind.

When she smiles, she has dimples. I didn’t realize it before today, but she’s pretty cute.

I kept reading on, without even thinking about it. There were some more meaningless entries about school and grades, then another with a heart around it:

9-24-14

Today, I caught a group of girls making fun of Skye. When I walked up, they were pushing her around. I ran over and yelled at them to stop, and they all ran away. Skye told me it’s fine, she’s used to it – it’s not fine.

There was a word written on her locker: “Dyke.” I asked Skye what it meant, and she awkwardly told me it’s a rude word to refer to women who love other women. I asked her if it was true of her and she got quiet, then nodded, and ran away.

I can’t stop thinking about it. What’s it like to love another woman…?

I skimmed a few more. Ava noted that Skye was avoiding her and seemed genuinely distressed. More entries with hearts caught my eye as I kept paging through:

10-14-14

I finally spoke to Skye and told her to stop avoiding me. I don’t care that she’s attracted to women. She seemed so relieved.

Every time she smiles at me, I get this weird… feeling in my stomach. Like I swallowed butterflies. Why?

11-8-14

I think I like Skye.

11-14-14

I asked Skye to get dinner with me tomorrow. I’m going to tell her.

11-15-14

I told Skye I like her. She told me she didn’t want to be my “little gay experiment” and asked me to stay away from her. I’m really upset.

There were fewer entries at this point, just little notes about grades. The entries continued on:

12-19-14

It’s the start of winter break.

I miss her.

1-1-15

When school starts, I’m going to talk to her again.

1-21-15

I convinced Skye to take a walk with me after school and asked her to be my girlfriend. I told her it’s not an experiment. I genuinely like her. She was quiet, but then she agreed! And held my hand! My heart has never beat so fast.

There were more and more entries with hearts around them at this point. Many detailed dates that Ava and Skye went on. They became longer and less frequent. Then several short ones came all in quick succession:

3-14-15

My parents saw the supreme court case on the news and spent the whole night talking about how gays are going to hell. What will they do when they find out…?

4-16-15

I told Skye I loved her tonight. And she said it back!

5-25-15

My parents saw a picture of me and Skye on my phone and freaked out. I told them I love her, and they threw me out… I’m staying with a friend for now. I don’t think my parents will ever take me back.

6-12-15

I graduated today. Valedictorian. Gave a speech. My parents didn’t come. But Skye’s foster parents took us both out to dinner and are letting me stay with them – in a different room than Skye, of course.

I came to the end of the book, and one last entry caught my eye, with a rainbow drawn under it:

6-26-15

The supreme court made their decision! Marriage equality for all! I hope I can marry Skye someday.

In the back of the diary, a bunch of pictures had been shoved, and fell in my lap as I reached them. I picked up and examined each. The first was both Skye and Ava wearing matching T-shirts that said “Penn State, class of 2019.” A note, written in the same handwriting, was on the back: 8-21-15 - Skye and I started college together.

The next was a picture of the two wearing long black gowns and stupid square hats. Skye kissed Ava’s cheek, and Ava’s face was all scrunched up with happiness. The note on the back said: 6-22-19 - We graduated together, both with job offers. We move to New York in a month!

The next picture was of Ava wearing a white dress, on a boat, down on one knee with a ring in her hand. Skye had both hands pressed over her mouth, and tears in her eyes. The note on the back said: 7-21-19 – She said yes!

The next picture was one of the ones from the locket – the two in their black and white dresses, holding flowers. The note said: 1-1-20 – The start of a year and a life together. I love my wife.

There were a few more pictures in the stack: the two standing outside a house, holding keys. The two holding a baby with a sign that said, “I’m adopted!” The two with the child, growing older.

Finally, I reached the end of the stack. The last picture was of two old women, both with white hair. They held each other close, the taller of the two pressing a kiss into the lips of the shorter one. The note on the back said: 2-4-80 – This was taken a few weeks before Skye passed away peacefully in her sleep. I’m so grateful for the lifetime of love I had with her. I put this journal together so that our daughter, and our daughter’s daughters can see that love isn’t always easy and simple, but that it can change the world.

I let out a low sigh, then smiled. “Things were so much simpler then,” I whispered.

I wondered if Skye and Ava would’ve found each other in the Afterscape. Then, with a shake of my head and a sigh I tossed the book into the fire.

Before I could enjoy the surge of warmth as the pages caught, a scrabbling noise from outside made me tense. A long, guttural growl made my hair stand on end. I abandoned the fire and the pile of books, squeezing out of the building using a crack in the wall, then ran away as fast as I could, the words of Ava already forgotten.