Abandon Hope

Maybe it was the fact that it was below freezing for the third week in a row or the realization that her extended absence today meant all of the vehicles with working windows were claimed, but Wynne couldn’t fathom sleeping in the parking garage one more night.

It wasn’t like she had a choice. The more time she could spend in the outskirts, the better her odds at survival. The reverse was that it meant groveling for a crammed corner of the floor in one of the passenger vans. Lori always made room for her. She’d start there.

With a final visual sweep to ensure she wasn’t followed, she dropped to the ground and slid under the metal gate, pulling her drawstring bag in after her. The solar lights were dimmer than usual; she could barely see the ramp ahead of her. She should have gotten back earlier.

Sure enough when she finally reached Level 4, all doors were closed. She’d barely made it up the stairs, there was no way she was going to be able to go door to door to find a space to not sleep.

Begrudgingly, she pulled the thermal blanket from her bag, backed herself into the corner of the stairwell, and tucked herself in for the night. It could be worse. It could be snowing.

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She must have fallen asleep. The cool dampness in the air told her it was still early.

As soon as she tried to straighten her back there was a snapping sensation followed by shooting pain from her lower back to the base of her skull. Between the cold and the barely healed injuries from several nights ago, today was going to be a challenge. It was taking longer to heal, and she wasn’t getting enough time to recover in between.

There was only one other option, and there was a reason she hadn’t chosen it before.

With her blanket stuffed back into her bag, she tugged the mask out of the side pocket and pulled it over her head. This one only covered from her nose down to her neck, but it was sufficient for her needs today. When it was firmly situated, she pulled her hood up over her head, and began the trek downward.

The wind outside the parking garage was vicious. It was almost enough to make her reconsider her desperation-fueled decision.

Almost.

Four blocks south and three east, at the corner of a street now marked only by the pair of decaying sneakers and a heart-shaped locket dangling from the illegible street sign, there was a discrete alley. It housed several well-placed columns, perfect for concealing a person – two if need be. Before taking her place behind the first one, she pocketed several pieces of rubble that had come from the buildings along the street.

These pieces would likely not be from the bombs anymore; those were much bigger and had been cleaned up long ago.

She shouldn’t have to wait too long. She certainly hoped not with the bitter wind and the darkness at the edges of her vision creeping further and further in.

As expected, not twenty minutes later she heard steady footsteps accompanied by a low humming.

She took one furtive glance around the pillar before scattering a handful of the debris as far out from her location as possible without making herself apparent.

The footsteps came to a stop along with the humming. Several moments of silence passed. Caution prevailed as Wynne held her position, keeping her eyes trained on the ground beside her as she awaited the approach.

“Flash?” The question was low and hesitant, but it flooded her with a relief so powerful her knees almost buckled.

“Thunder,” she whispered back.

His pace quickened, reaching her in anxious seconds.

“Wynne.” Her name came out in a hoarse whisper.

When Theo reached out to touch her though she twitched away, grateful once again for the mask which concealed the reality of her condition.

“I know they’ll be expecting you. I don’t want to get you into trouble. But I need a favor.”

There was warmth emanating from his body, drawing her closer to him.

“It’s been months since I’ve seen or heard from you. Can I just take a minute to look at you?”

It was true. She’d been avoiding him for the better part of a year for reasons she would likely never be able to fully explain. Their weekly liaisons had become unfeasible and a weight on her mind she couldn’t alleviate. But this wasn’t the time for the reunion he – and truthfully, she too – wanted.

“I look the same. It isn’t important.”

“You disappear for months and then turn up here about twenty pounds thinner with a mysterious favor, but I can’t ask to see your face?”

“You asked. I said no.”

His sigh gave her pause. She couldn’t push him too far or risk losing him and her chance. And the tug in her chest could only be ignored for so long.

“Fine,” he relented. “What’s this favor?”

“I need you to get me into the City. You have pull with the people in charge. Get me in, and I’ll take care of the rest. I just need someone to open the door for me.”

“You want into the City? Last I recall, you could barely stand the sight of me for working for them. You told me you’d rather die out here than live under their thumb. Your exact words.”

That was also true. And at the time it had been accurate.

“That was then. Now I need in.”

She could feel him studying her – what he could see of her at least.

“You need in there or you need out of here?”

She supposed it had been foolish to hope their time apart would have lessened his ability to read her.

“Does it matter?”

“It really does. For God’s sake, just tell me what’s going on, Wynne.”

Taking a deep breath, she pulled her mask down.

“Oh my god,” he breathed, anchored in place at what was surely a sight to behold. She could feel the swelling at her cheek, the blood oozing again, and the stiffness in the skin by her mouth.

“I need in,” she repeated, finally meeting his gaze. The pity she saw there roiled her stomach.

“Never mind,” she immediately backtracked. She wasn’t about to allow herself to become a charity case.

“No, wait.” His hand around her wrist was unnecessary; she could hardly have taken more than a few steps away on her own.

The state of her body surprised her. The cold and adrenaline of enacting a plan must have numbed her to the gravity of it. Darkness was edging even further into her vision.

“I know what I said before. I wish it were true now. But a lot has changed since then. If I stay out here, I won’t make it much longer. There’s a target on my back, and the list of people willing to stick their necks out for me is painfully small.” She blinked away the gruesome images that flashed behind her eyes. “You’re the only option I have left, Theo.”

The use of his name was intentional, but it felt good to say it again.

This time when he reached toward her, she didn’t flinch. His hand was warm where it came to rest on her cheek, his sure fingers examining the cut there.

“This needs stitches. It’s most likely going to leave a scar.”

She pulled his hand away but kept it loosely in her own. “Are you going to help me or not?”

“Are you going to tell me what happened to you? Why there’s a target on your back?” He easily tightened his grip on her hand. The flame of familiarity sighed again.

Over the past year she’d debated many times telling him everything that happened, doing just this and apologizing for vanishing. But the crucial factor was that she didn’t.

She could tell him now but knowing would destroy him.

“None of this is going to come back on you. If you’re worried about fallout, I promise you’ll be safe.”

“I’m not worried about fallout. I’m worried about you.”

“Then help me.”

She wasn’t asking for the world, just a chance. Something about the look in his eyes suggested a more difficult battle than she’d expected or prepared for.

“If I let you in, they will be on you in minutes. Everyone in there who’s somebody knows who you are, who you were. The second I bring you in the clock will start ticking. I can’t protect you from that.”

“You can’t protect me out here either,” she snapped, pulling her hand away. “If you leave me out here, you’re sealing my fate. If you bring me into the City, I will figure it out on my own. I just need a chance. Please.”

Seconds ticked by as Theo deliberated in silence, the only sound his growl of frustration as he came to terms with the inevitable.

“I will do this, but we do it my way. Understood?”

She tried to nod, but her vision blurred rapidly, Theo’s face the last thing she registered before the world went dark.

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Words began filtering into her mind, unintelligible but not unwelcome.

“Sunlight on a broken column. There, is a tree swinging and voices are in the wind's singing. More distant and more solemn than a fading star.”

She knew those words, recognized the voice. She opened her eyes painfully, greeted by Theo’s smile above her.

“You gave me a hell of a scare, Flash.”

“I live for the drama,” she croaked, unsure if humor was still something she had a knack for. She was woefully out of practice.

“You haven’t lost your flare, that’s for sure.”

The room smelled of lavender and frankincense, not unlike how she dreamed home smelled, when she dreamed at all. Vigilance was key, anything less than that got you killed.

“Good,” she sighed, already worn out.

Even though her life was not in the City, she still knew how it worked. Expectations were set, met, and rewarded. If you fell short, there were consequences. Part of the reason the Cities were still able to function at this level was because of the highly regimented way of life they maintained. Each person filled a role, served a purpose. Theo’s duties in the hospital would have been sidetracked today due to her. “How much trouble are you going to be in?”

“You don’t need to worry about that. How are you feeling?”

“I’ll live,” she reassured him, their eyes finally meeting. There was that tug in her chest again. That would need to stop if she hoped to make it in this strange, new world.

This time when his fingers whispered across her cheek, they avoided the cut. “I’ll make sure of that.”

For a moment she allowed herself to revel in the simplicity of the tender exchange, devoid of anxiety or hyper-vigilance. She knew it couldn’t stay like this, but for now, it felt incredible.

“God, I missed you,” Theo sighed, still unable to take his eyes off of her. She didn’t know if she was thrilled or unnerved by the admission; her stomach was already in knots and her conscious mind was flickering.

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

Between the fact that she barely had anything in her system to regurgitate and her numerous bruises, by the time she was finished emptying her stomach she could barely move. Theo laid her back once more, brushing away the tears she hadn’t realized had escaped, and placed a soft kiss on the top of head.

Tomorrow, she would set her plan in motion. All she had to do was maintain her focus and not let emotion cloud her judgment. She stole one last look at Theo before slipping into a deep sleep filled with faded memories and a feeling that was something like hope.