A Witness Takes the Stand
Or, The Fate of The Stolen Isabella Stewart Gardner Works
"It was big in the '90s, the idea of stockpiling art for when ya needed to negotiate a heavyweight out of federal.
Ya gotta have some brains on an art heist, though, and they sent in two goons who couldn't tell a bus stop marquee from art.
They sent them in with a list, ya know, like ya wife's grocery list.
They get in, tie the guards up no problem, but it takes them half an hour to find the friggin' room - The Dutch Room. They pull the frames off the walls and start cuttin' out the paintings - easier to roll them up - well, they crumbled in their hands. This shit's old. You ever seen National Treasure? When they're usin' lemon juice and a hairdryer on the friggin' Declaration of Independence? It would've evaporated. And most of these paintings were older than that, so.
Somethin' took over, panic, I guess. They kept cutting, trying to roll them, and it all turned to dust. They thought it was somethin' in the room, so they tried The Blue Room, Short Gallery - but it was all the same."
"And the beaker and the eagle?"
"Well, they couldn't leave empty-handed."
About the Creator
Reader insights
Nice work
Very well written. Keep up the good work!
Top insights
Easy to read and follow
Well-structured & engaging content
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
The Devil Gets What He Wanted
“Hello Old Scratch. My name is Glabon. I assume you know why I am here?” “Of course, Glabon, as you no doubt know, I know many things, most in fact.” “Well, despite that I am required by my superiors to inform you of my intentions in any case.” “And, you always do what you are told don’t you my friend Glabon?” “Of course, and I am not your friend, nor are you anyone’s friend, but that matters not for purposes of this discussion.” “No need to hurl insults, it was only a figure of speech. I would suggest you lighten up, but I assume your superiors would find that objectionable, and my guess is you are not capable of it. Do you ever even smile Glabon? Or laugh? No, I presume not.” “Mr. Scratch I am not here for banter or games, I am here for your interview. As you know a select group has been commissioned to write your biography for the historical record.”
By Everyday Junglist5 days ago in Fiction
Comments (2)
Oh nooooo 🫣🤣🤣. This is great, Ava!!
😂😂 Very “Drunk History”! Thank you, love it