A Thousand Times Over

Sophia knelt on the dirt floor and looked at her tormentor with hate fuelled eyes. She loathed that he made her a wounded animal. Too tired to fight but too stubborn to give in.

“Why won't you just leave me alone?!” she screamed in frustration.

Lucan took a quiet step forward and stroked the back of her tilted head,

“You know why” he whispered softly, then added “I never wanted it to end this way”.

Sophia snorted with disbelief, then lifted her chin to meet Lucan's black eyes square on, “don't give me that” she hissed.

Lucan faltered slightly as a pained expression flashed across his smooth features.

“Have I not always been honest with you?” he probed, “Did I not tell you exactly who I was from the very beginning?”

Sophia ground her teeth together. She couldn't argue with him on those details, but the truth was a lot more complicated than he was making it out to be.

“Well forgive me, but most of us human beings tend not to take the statement 'I am the Devil's son' in a literal way” she objected.

“You believed me” Lucan crouched down and held her face in the palm of his hands, “you are the only human who has ever mattered to me”.

Sophia gave a tight a smile, “Why?” she challenged, “because I was born at the right time? Under the right stars?” she pushed him away just as she pushed herself back up to her feet.

“And what the hell is your obsession with this barn?” She waved her arms around and caught a cobweb with her fingertips. She grimaced and quickly wiped her hands over her jeans, “Not exactly fit for a Prince of Hell”.

“THE Prince of Hell” Lucan corrected, “and, don't you recognise it?” he asked with genuine concern. “Take a good look” he instructed.

Sophia flashed him an eagled eye glance then diverted that pin sharp focus to her surroundings.

It was a typical old barn with a dirt floor, cluttered shelves and hay bails stacked in the back corner. There was a mezzanine illuminated by a round, stained glass, window where dust floated in the rays of a particularly blood red sunset, giving the whole space an eerie hue.

“Here, let me help you” Lucan motioned.

An image of Sophia's father emerged out of the dancing dust. He had a hammer in his left hand and nails held between his pressed lips. Sophia's heart did a double take as a distant memory knocked on the doors of her consciousness. Her father's image looked directly at her and winked as he gave a loving smile. In a split second she was three years old again, watching her father repair the broken window. They hadn't enough money for another glass pane so her father collected broken shards of glass from the local skip. A bit of imagination and a fair amount of glue amounted into a reflective mosaic that kept baby Sophia entertained for hours.

Her father died two weeks later in a farming accident. Sophia became an orphan, as well as a ward of the state. She never saw that window again. Had never remembered it until now.

“Oh my God” Sophia whispered emotionally, her hand subconsciously holding her heart.

Lucan cleared his throat, “Um no. Wrong deity I'm afraid”.

Sophia shot him a look full of thunder.

The vision of her father knocked her off balance. She had always had a feeling of a memory of him but never were the visuals as so vivid as she they were now. For a brief moment she thought it a trick. An implanted thought to bring forth her compassionate nature. But in the depths of her soul, she knew, it was a real memory.

“Don't you see?” Lucan questioned, “ this is the last place you truly felt happiness”.

Sophia felt the emotions rush over her and translate themselves into hot tears of grief. She thought of everything she had lost, everything she yearned for but could never quite grasp.

Lucan approached her cautiously, his arms open in surrender, “I can give you everything that you crave. The love that you feel you need? I am the one who can fill that void”.

He sighed in surrender and took her into his arms with little resistance, “you just need to let me” he rested his forehead onto hers.

“Please let me” he pleaded, “I need you as much as you need me”.

Sophia felt herself lean into Lucan and was ashamed to feel comforted by his embrace. It took every ounce of effort to pull herself away from him. She wrapped her arms around her own shoulders instead and chose her next words carefully.

“If you and someone like your father, you know, the Devil himself, truly exists; then doesn't that mean God exists too?” She questioned honestly.

Lucan's brow furrowed, this was a question she had never asked before. Nor was He a subject he liked to discuss.

“God is not what you humans portray him to be” he answered with slight bitterness.

“Nontheless” she brushed a hand through the air and over his answer, “is there not an equal and an apposite to everything?” she challenged.

“Yes” Lucan begrudgingly agreed.

“Then what kind of person, or indeed soul, would I be if I chose darkness over light?” another honest question.

“You don't understand” Lucan interjected, “We, you and me, ARE equal and opposites. It takes two extremes to create balance”. Lucan gripped Sophia's shoulders harder than he realised, “The more you and I love each other, the more light I can discover and the more darkness you can conquer”.

Sophia squirmed from his forceful embrace. His words lost in a sea of her five senses.

“How can I love you, knowing what I know?” she asked.

“You loved me once before” Lucan stated, “it is not your heart that needs convincing, but your head” he concluded with underlying anger.

“Shouldn't both be weighed before making a life altering decision?” she challenged.

Lucan shrugged, “maybe for humans, such is their nature to learn the consequences of both. But for you? No.” he assured.

He embraced her once more, “the choice your heart makes can save my soul. Don't you get that?”.

Sophia tried to turn her gaze away from him but Lucan's grip remained firm as his eyes bored into hers, “and my soul can save your heart” he stated, looking for any glimmer of warmth in her eyes. The blank stare he was faced with forced him back a step.

“What do I need to do to prove to you that my heart is pure, even if my soul was formed in the pit fires of Hell? Just tell me what you need?” he raised his voice in desperation.

“I need you to forget about me” Sophia answered with stubborn conviction.

Lucan started to pace the width of the barn. He had never been in a situation he couldn't control. Had never met someone whose heart he desired so fervently. He didn't like it one bit, but was powerless in overcoming it. She had to give herself to him. For his survival, and hers. He closed the space between them in one wide stride.

“I will never give up on you” he whispered, his lips against hers, “even if that means doing this a thousand times over”. He kissed her gently. She let him.

“You are meant to be mine” he kissed her again, this time with as much passion as he could muster. He stopped when she gently pulled away from him.

“But” he exhaled with deep regret, “once again, we must go back to the beginning”.

Sophia had no time to register his words before the room began spinning around her. A film reel of events rewound themselves in her mind until nothing but darkness reigned upon her senses.

Lucan stood over Sophia as she lay in her bed, 8 days earlier, and affectionately stroked her silky hair. He made a silent promise and sealed it with a kiss to her forehead, “It will be different this time”.