A TANGLED WEB

Dan R. Fowler

For Brian, my son.

Heaven

Where is heaven? Although the Hebrews used this word to refer to the sky, and the biblical phrase “heaven and earth” implies the whole universe, we do not know where heaven is located. The Bible, however, clearly teaches that heaven is the home of God, Jesus Christ, and the angels. It is also the future home of all believers a place where they will worship God forever.

What is heaven like? Not only will it be home for all God’s people, but also it will be a place to rest and share in God’s work. In heaven, all Christians across the centuries will be safe, happy, and perfect in God’s presence. There will be unending joy and life in this new land of the perpetual day (Ne 9:6; 1 Pe 1:3-5; Rev 4; 21-22)

But where am I?

Chapter

1

A stirring from within, I thought at first. An echo from times gone by when I thought I wanted out of this life. After the occurrence in California and the stunning climax, I thought it was all over.

During my lifetime I have suffered from many of the everyday garden-variety disorders, but when it came to visit my home, when it knocked on my door, I was unsure as to what to do first. Do I run with it? Do I send it away? Can I live with this within me without it coming out? What was I to do?

I’m Jackson Stafford.

“I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t put up with it any longer,” said the voice.

“I would just go right in there and tell her just what I wanted. I mean, stand up and be someone for once. Aren’t you sick of being second? Yea, sick of being second.”

The voice spoke to me in a warm convincing tone, much like before.

“If I were you, I would do just it. I mean she doesn’t love you, never has. Besides, whose favorite are you anyway? Here we go again, another year with little change? I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of this! screamed the spirit folding within itself in the inner room.

Over and over again the voice talked to me. I thought for many years after the doctor’s office experience in California that I was over this mess. But, here they are again and here I go again.

Chapter

20

The summer sun was bright the day it all started again. Nothing more interesting going on in the neighborhood than perhaps a child’s birthday party or a group of kids being sprayed by a water hose in a neighbor’s backyard. It was hot that day. No, nothing much going on in the seen world, but on the inside of Jackson’s head, a storm was brewing. This storm was supposed to have come to an end eight years earlier in a small office in California. This storm was different, much different, a trip into hell.

“Hey, you thought I was gone, didn’t you? Well, look who’s back.” Carl spun in glee as he shouted obscenities at the top of his voice from the inner room.

He had often looked at other people’s lives and wondered what held them together. What glue had they usedto makee thingsrightth? They weren’t in any way tarnished like Jackson’s. Maybe Jackson just thought his life was different. Maybe Jackson’slifewasjustt anotherblueecollarr worker. He watched the people, their daily routines, and their celebrations held from time to time and just couldn’t figure it out. Celebrating what was the question.

“Okay, now Jackson, let’s keep a level head and don’t go blowing your top like the last time,” whispered Ben as he slowly took his seat in the inner room. “This time we are going to watch you-know-who closer than before so we don’t get caught off guard.”

Jackson heard the voices in his head talking with each other, fighting for position, for power.

“I’m not going to take a back seat this time and miss out on all the fun.” Said Darrell. “You made me watch while you all tore the whole thing apart the last time, but not now.”

The sun’s rays washed over Jackson as he relaxed on the lounge on the back patio of his house. It was an average size house with three bedrooms, a bath, kitchen, living room, and dining room. Just a medium size house for the area, limited in size only by the money he had to purchase it through a local realty company and help from the VA.

As he relaxed, Darrell began to work his diabolical magic in Jackson’s head. There in the inner room where they all dwelt, Darrell and Jackson were the only ones that stirred at this time. Carl had long been diminished in power and was placed in permanent exile in the shadow room. He would never again haunt the inner room or display his devious face. But, now Darrell, the sensuality spirit had made his way into the spotlight and was now talking to Jackson on a one-on-one basis.

“You know that love is what the world needs,” said Darrell as he started the conversation.

“You can share this with many people. Besides, isn’t that what God would have you do. He loves you, you know that by now.”

His words lay softly on Jackson’s mind and his spirit. He had always wanted to be loved. Not just casually, not like an acquaintance, but deeply. He wanted to be held and he wanted the person to be there in every way possible.

Darrell talked to him for some time there in the inner room where secrets became realities.

The inner room was abuzz with conversation from the one that usually held his peace. Darrell wasn’t a conversationalist. He preferred to persuade his host covertly to commit acts that were socially unacceptable or lewd. Of course, the unacceptable acts were judged in the eyes of the beholder as far as Darrell was concerned. He knew few boundaries in his attempt to satisfy an ongoing sexual hunger. This hunger, a feeling that had lurked in the background of Jackson’s imagination was about to become a twisted reality.

Jackson had been raised in a Christian home with loving parents. Training and nurturing had been harsh, what little he could remember, but this judgment of discipline had been conjured up in the mind of a child. His parents were not at all harsh. It was all in Jackson’s mind. A child’s imagination and years of self-talk had conjured up a story that was half-truths and half lies.

Darrell capitalized on this misrepresentation of the truth and set about to destroy Jackson’s life in any way he could. Little did Jackson know, but the voice of Darrell in reality was the voice of the devil, the deceiver.

We are warned by the word of God that we should be careful and be on guard regarding spirits that promise non-condemnation for acts that are contrary to the word of God. We are taught that lies can be twisted to sound like truths. We should be on guard for angels that carry false doctrine or statements that will ultimately place us in judgment. How far are we willing to go and how deep are we willing to sink into the world and its lures?

***********************

“Hey, let’s look deeper into the dreams that you have.” said Darrell “These dreams are no different than dreams of other people, and besides, God loves everyone the same. He says so, right?”

Jackson listened without many purposes and replied to the spirit.

“I don’t want to talk about this now, leave me alone.

Can’t you see I want to do the right thing?

Can’t you understand that what you’re telling me is wrong?” stated Jackson in a defiant manner as he wrestled with the conversation and tossed side to side on the lounge.

“I know the right thing to do is to stay where I am and keep my thoughts to myself,” said Jackson as he contemplated the next move from his adversary.

Chapter

3

“What shall we play today?” asked Darrell as he crossed the inner room and peered out of Jackson’s eyes into the world.

“I’m surprised that you haven’t done anything yet after all these years of living a lie,” said Darrell.

“Don’t you get tired of this mess day after day? You would prefer to be out, wouldn’t you? So why don’t you?” he asked as he swirled around and around in his chair.

The inner room was calmer than it use to be, except for Darrell. It had been seven years since the last explosion there. The last convulsion occurred over ten years ago and nearly cost everyone their lives. Ben, Denny, Johnny, Carl, and the others had been sleeping through integration that was completed during the session in California. But now, Darrell had found a way to channel a spirit of his own. Darrell had become a pulpit himself allowing the devil to possess him in Jackson’s inner room.

“So, Jackson, let’s take some time and exam the facts that we both know,” stated Darrell as he slid through the inner room and into Jackson’s mind’s presence.

“Didn’t I tell you a long time ago that it would be okay and no one would judge you, that is except for yourself? Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself my friend. I am your friend aren’t I, Jackson? Who else knows you as I do? No one can do this for you but me. So what do you say? Let’s do something unexpected. I’ll help you.” said the spirit through Darrell.

Darrell was under the complete control of the devil. This spirit was going to take Jackson on a ride that would forever change the course of Jackson’s existence.

“I don’t know about this,” thought Jackson as he tased and turned in the sunlight there on his back patio.

As he gazed up into the Pine trees that filled his backyard, he couldn’t imagine himself doing the things, the sexual acts that this spirit was persuading him to commit.

“How can I do this?” he said over and over again. “How can I?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you through it. You deserve some kind of attention. Besides, God loves you, now stop worrying about this and let me guide you into a world where you will be the center of attention for once in your life.”

The spirit caressed him and wooed him into a state of semi-consciousness as the sun crawled across the sky.

Later, after the voices had stopped, Jackson picked up the lounge, folded it, and placed it beside the side of the patio as he had done numerous times before. A slight breeze of air Jackson around the backyard stirring up leaves and grasses enticing them to come alive. Stately Pine trees swayed in the warm summer wind. It pushed them gently one way, then another. It toyed with them and the smaller bushes lining the edge of the yard. Tossing their brilliant red blooms from side to side, the Tulips floated back and forth.

The purpose of the birdbath was for birds, of course, but it was impossible to determine if the bird used it. The water was polluted with algae that had lined the bottom of the bath’s bowl. If one looked closer, bird feces could be seen, but seldom was a bird observed bathing. Jackson thought that it looked nice and that it would add charm to this soulless backyard environment. He had been wrong.

After the hour of solitude, he made his way into the house of silence. His young son was alone in his room at the back of the ranch-style house. This little boy had no idea of the tremors and convulsions that were soon to rock this quiet atmosphere. The voices from the television in his son’s room blared out of control and rushed down the hallway. Yet, little was ever said about the noise. You see the other end of the house was just as noisy and distracting. There was nowhere to rest nor was there a place where peace could be found.

“I would like for one time to have peace in this house,” Jackson muttered to himself as he walked down the hallway to the master bedroom that had been painted a powder blue.

“I’d like to have some peace.” He said under his voice.

Making his way from the master bedroom across the hall, Jackson entered the spare bedroom. Jackson had determined to once again lose weight. At this point in his life, being overweight had become a plague, a curse. During his early years, when he was nineteen and not overcome with social pressures, he joined a weight loss system that helped him lose ninety pounds. It was one of the greatest achievements in his life. But over the years and the added stress with the family and jobs, he ballooned again. Why is it people are caught up in the world of over-eating? What is the reason for this obsession? It’s not like there aren’t other things to do or places to go. Relaxation and travel, reading a good book, running laps, working in the yard, hell, that’s enough to eat up the whole day. But, Jackson’s weight problem had become a personal life-long battle, sometimes he won, and sometimes he lost. More often than not, this interaction between his mind and his body played out on the stage in the form of a closet full of clothes he couldn’t wear anymore. Frustrated with this perpetual conflict and despair, he resigned himself to the fact that if he was going to die, he’d die trying.

With weights in hand and metal dumbbells, he set about rearranging his life to fit the description of the voice.

“You can’t look as if you don’t care about yourself, they hate that.” said the voice in his head.

“The more you think about yourself you’ll see what I mean.” It said.

Sliding across the floor of the inner room, Darrell himself was being played like a puppet. Appearing to not understand what was going on, Darrell’s concentration was unfocused. It wasn’t going as he had planned and he didn’t know what to do. Every time he tried to think, a force from another world encircled him and he lost consciousness. He couldn’t understand what could be doing this to him. He had power, but this had greater power. And, it wouldn’t only control him, but it would eventually take over Jackson’s life.

Chapter

4

Jackson had to find a job now that the distribution facility had lost the contract to the previous supplier. It had been an exciting position-Director: Endeavor Development. And, even with the excessive hours and volumes of paperwork involved, Jackson was proud of the accomplishments that everyone had achieved there in Trenton. Now, they were a memory, a journey relived from day to day.

*************************

“Where are we going?” asked Mary as the car slowed to a stop at the red signal light. It had been a long ride from Princeton, West Virginia to Ashland, Kentucky. Conversation between Jackson and his wife was congenial unlike many other times that they had been together; it was very nice. Jackson had left the Navy by choice and was looking for another job. He didn’t regret his decision to enlist in the military, he only regretted that he had to say goodbye to friends and colleagues who had become such a large part of his life. Military life is unlike any other. People become dependent on each other because there is no one else that understands the trials and secrets involved in the jobs being performed. Well, maybe some do, but you’re never at liberty to discuss neither jobs nor what goes on behind the thick walls of the Naval Ocean Processing Facilities or the remote locations where many were sent to work. It was a time of proving.

Jackson’s car lurched forward from the light and turned left down the main street of the small community named Ashland. He wanted to fill up with gas again before continuing to their destination somewhere near Indianapolis, Indiana.

“I noticed a sign taped on a window back there. It said “Recruiter.” Do you think it would be worthwhile for me to leave a resume there? Besides, what could it hurt? I’ve sent out so many, what’s one more. said Jackson as he drove to the next intersection and turned around.

Jackson turned to Mary and shrugged his shoulders. Turning the car around at the next intersection, he pulled to the curb, stopped the car, turned off the engine, and proceeded to the office on the second floor.

A large sign was painted on the door: Marlene Stock, Healthcare Specialist, Professional Recruitment of Ashland, Inc., 1540 Winchester Avenue, Suite 910, Ashland, Kentucky. He entered the small office and took a seat. The receptionist was young and immediately asked if she could help. Reaching for his resume and then handing it to the young professional, he asked if there might be a position that could use a professional in HR and Total Quality Management.

She was polite and direct with her comments. After taking the resume and placing it on her desk, she thanked him for coming in and advised him that the office would be in contact with him once Ms. Stock had reviewed the information.

Having left the resume and exited the building, Jackson returned to his car, drove to the nearest gas station, filled the car with unleaded gas, and continued to Indianapolis, Indiana. But, before he and Mary could get to their destination, Jackson’s family called to inform him that his son had broken his foot and required an operation to correct it. Having received the call, Jackson and Mary retraced their trek back home and awaited the outcome of the operation. After several hours, the operation was finished and his son was none the worse from the turn of events.

A week later, the phone rang at Jackson’s parent’s house. It was Marlene Stock’s office calling.

“Jackson, this is Marlene Stock,” said the voice on the line.

“I’d like to discuss a position that has just been created with a new endeavor in New Jersey. Do you think you’d be interested?” asked Marlene.

“Of course, I’d be interested,” said Jackson as he took a seat at the kitchen table and listened to the proposition.

“You say you have reviewed my resume and you think I’d be right for the job, a match,” stated Jackson.

“Jackson, Diagnosis/HIP, Inc., is looking for a person with your qualifications to fill the position with a new Endeavor Director named Bill Gorbin. Mr. Gorbin lives in Virginia and is willing to meet with you in Richmond. You’ll have to drive there and have lunch with him first, and then a decision will be made whether or not you are right for the job. Do you think you’d be interested?” asked Marlene.

Jackson was excited about the position and quickly responded that he would meet with Mr. Gorbin and a date was set for the luncheon.

The position was with a pharmaceutical company that was based out of a facility near Santa Fe, NM. It had been in business in New Mexico and various other locations. Unit dose and automated pharmaceutical distribution were only two of the many services it provided. It was under contract with the state up north and had been working to incorporate other endeavors into its collection of developments. New Jersey had been using ASP for several years but had awarded the new contract to HIP, a new fledgling competitor that had offered lower prices and better service.

Upon award of the contract to HIP, ASP filed legal charges, and litigation held up the implementation of the New Jersey endeavor for about ten months.

Upon arriving in Richmond for the luncheon, Jackson met with Mr. Bill Gorbin, discussed the position, and thanked him for the opportunity. Driving home, Jackson didn’t know what to think of the whole issue. He wanted the position, but he also wanted it to provide adequate compensation to his family. He had been out of work for four months and the bills were mounting up. This had to work. He prayed and drove.

“Hello, this is Marlene Stock, is this Jackson? I have some good news, Bill was impressed with you and he wants you on his team. Are you interested? He wants you to fly to Philadelphia where he will have you escorted to the site of the New Jersey endeavor. The other potential members of the new endeavor have also been invited to meet him there. You will look over the site, discuss the potential contract requirements, and get to know one another. How does that sound?”

Marlene was very excited about the job and it resounded in her voice.

“I’d like that,” said Jackson as he took a seat at the table. “What did Mr. Gorbin say about the interview?” he asked.

“He said he wanted someone who wasn’t a pharmacist but was a management executive,” she said. “This endeavor didn’t’ need a pharmacist to implement the programs, but a Total Quality Management professional to keep things on track and complete it within three months.”

Jackson waited for more and the discussion continued until it turned to the compensation for the position.

“Jackson,” said Marlene, “Don’t say anything about the pay you received while you were in the military. This is a whole different world, a civilian world. The pay will be offered, but don’t take it immediately. You are the only person I’ve interviewed who has a resume that comes anywhere near the job description. There is no one else that can do this job.”

Jackson was satisfied with the direction that she had given him. Marlene told him that she would be in contact with him within two days about the flight arrangements to Philadelphia and then onto Trenton. He graciously said thank you and hung the phone up.

Two days passed and the phone rang as though it were on a timer.

“Hello,” said Jackson.

“Hello, Jackson, this is Marlene Stock. It’s good to talk with you again. The position’s salary from the company is being offered at fifty thousand plus benefits. Take your time and think about it,” she said. “It’s not a bad offer, but hold out for a couple of days.”

Jackson was not exactly sure what to do. Having been in the military and paid whatever the government had programmed the position to pay put him in a state of mind where two possibilities existed. One, take the offer and hope for the best or an increase, or two, put the acceptance off until more is offered. The only thing about this is that he had no job and the finances were growing short.

“Marlene, is this the best they can offer?” asked Jackson.

“Let me call them again and talk to Bill too. Maybe we can do a little better.” She said as she turned to her assistant and directed her to call the home office.

“I’ll get back to you soon,” she said as the phone was placed on the receiver.

“Mary, they’ve offered fifty thousand and benefits,” said Jackson as he turned to his wife.

“What do you think?” he asked.

“Well, it’s more than we have now considering we have no money and nowhere to go to live. I am not going to stay here with your parents, so I suggest we take what we can get for now.” Said Mary as she turned and went into the living room.

“I know that’s right. We’ll have to do something quick to pay the bills that are coming due.” Replied Jackson.

They tried to keep things from getting behind since they’d left the Navy, but now it was getting tough. The military life didn’t pay very much, but the government compensated with a variety of additions. Pay allowances, food allowances, and all the medical services one could want.

An Ocean Systems Technician Analysis was a glorified sonar position but lacked the requirement of going to sea, or what is called sea duty. At that time, OTA’s were a special breed with very few locations that were available for them to perform their special analysis. Bermuda, Hawaii, Guam, and various other locations in and around the Atlantic Ocean were spots on the globe that housed only a handful of specialized personnel. Eventually, with the Cold War ending and the fall of communism, the OTA’s suffered a government-imposed RIF, sub-sequentially, Jackson and many others elected to leave this position that listened and searched the world for its secrets.

It was a good thing that they only had one child. Had they had more, it might be impossible to keep from going under.

Chapter

5

Philadelphia is a beautiful city.

“Announcing the arrival of flight 1223 from Charleston, South Carolina. It will be located at gate 15, concourse A, and thank you for flying Delta.” The voice was clear and concise.

Each time Jackson had flown to the city it was a vacation in itself. The tall skyscrapers kissed the sky in the early morning fog that hung heavily over them. Morning commuters walked to their predestination locations automatically. The subways crawled to a stop, passengers clamored aboard, and the doors slid shut. Buses' horns blared, birds burst forth from their shelters fluttering, and children cried from the noisy bustle as the day started anew.

The home office sent Jackson an itinerary for his trip to Trenton. He looked forward to seeing the location. It was located on Lambert on Road near the river.

“Sir, here are the keys to the rental car. Everything is in order, you just need to sign here” stated the clerk behind the Avis counter.

“Thank you for letting us serve you. The vehicle is located in slot E11, through the doors, and to your right.” She instructed. Cindy was the name on the name tag. A mid-twenties, brunette who tried to make the job interesting by being overly friendly. Besides, she was married, and this job was her way of helping to make ends meet. Regardless of the motive, with each tick of the clock, Cindy moved closer to going home.

Jackson thanked the attendant, held the keys in his hand, and walked to where the car was parked waiting for its next driver.

He drove north on route 95 toward his destination. Upon arriving in Trenton, he took the first right to exist from the bridge, meandered through a small residential area, made a right turn down Lambert on Road, and pulled into the parking lot of an empty building that would soon be Diagnosis’s distribution center for the New Jersey Endeavor. This job with its hidden secrets and ill-rational management tactics would come to a devastating climax within the next three years.

Closing the door of the rental car and walking from the parking lot to the main entrance, Jackson could see several other people standing near the door. He continued to their location and introduced himself. Bill was waiting with them.

“Hello, Jackson,” said Bill as he turned to unlock the door.

“How was your trip?” he asked.

“Everything was just fine,” replied Jackson as he moved with the group into the vacant building.

At first, there wasn’t much to see. The building faced Lambert on Road and the back of the building was toward the river. The only rooms that were noticeable were the bathrooms that were located in the center of the building. Toward the right end of the building, a small table had been placed on which a fax machine and a telephone were now sitting. Bill had been working with the main office in Near Santa Fe to set the endeavor up and get it running. Bill was from a hospital in Virginia and was promoted to implement the New Jersey Endeavor.

Four other people were also invited to visit the facility: Sybil, Loretta, John, and Laura. It would be two weeks before the final arrangements were made and the positions filled.

The group surveyed the building and made comments in response to Bill’s description of the implementation task were discussed. The Robots also called Picking Machines, were to be positioned in the warehousing/operations section of the building along with delivery carts and tables. Medication to fill the prescriptions that were to be downloaded from the hospitals would require additional room for storage. A Liquid Room was discussed, and office requirements and personnel needed to open the facility by February 1, the mid-1990s. Due to litigation, ASP had held Diagnosis up from implementing the endeavor for about 10 months. But, by October 1994, Bill was in the process of selecting his team members to accomplish a task that would change many people’s lives.

After two hours of talking and walking through the now empty building, Bill had laid out the requirements of each space within the building, and the overall plan, and was in the process of selecting the Assistant Director for the monumental task. At the time, Jackson wasn’t quite sure what to make of the whole thing. Two of the other guests seemed disinterested and later turned the positions down to remain where they were currently employed. Sybil and Loretta came on board and assumed identical roles; as those supervisors of the North and South divisions. Jackson was offered the Assistant Directorship and accepted the responsibility of seeing that the facility met the deadlines set by the home office and the State of New Jersey.

A temporary housing arrangement was finalized and Jackson began the tasks of assisting Bill with the Endeavor. Only five people were hired at first to bring the programs from a plan on paper to a working viable facility. This accomplishment was easier said than done.

“I’ll never forget the first time I met Linda from Virginia,” said Jackson out loud as he walked through the space in his newly constructed office.

Linda was in her late thirties maybe early forties and full of life. She was brought on board to assume the SIM department leadership and coordinate the transfer of the formulary documentation and billing from the ASP files, the previous supplier, to HIP’s database. This was to be accomplished by a company out of the state of Washington.

The task was taunting, but Jackson’s initial reaction and opinion about Linda couldn’t have been more wrong. Jackson didn’t think she could pull it off.

The initial tasking was to provide the computer interface with the 18 hospitals that were to be served throughout New Jersey. For this to happen, Linda had to hardware, with the help of additional employees, all the dedicated lines from all of the hospitals into the mainframe located at the facility. It was not easy and many hours were committed to the achievement of this one task. Linda worked hard and long and before long, much to Jackson’s dismay, the efforts paid off.

Jackson’s initial opinion of Linda was way off. She was a monumental driving force at the facility and earned every penny she was paid. Later it was discovered that this wonderfully talented lady didn’t possess a degree. Her talent was purely God-given.

The days passed quickly and Linda and her staff in the MIS department worked tirelessly to accomplish every task assigned to them until Prichard showed up.

Prichard Sapps, PharmD was flown in and added to the staff to bring a more clinical aspect to the facility. He had graduated from the Citadel and no one could tell him anything. He rode over Linda and her staff as if they were non-existent. Linda was well qualified to direct the department, but HIP determined that her approach was not what the company was looking for. She didn’t meet the status quo. So Prichard was named the MIS department head and screwed the whole thing up.

After working with Linda from the beginning of the endeavor and establishing a reasonable sense of camaraderie between Jackson’s office and Linda’s group, HIP maneuvered Prichard in between the working group and the executive division. The mistakes that ensued from the act were monumental and created many problems when it came to being paid by the State of New Jersey. As the endeavor’s completion was beginning to appear questionable because of many unpredicted problems with the data transfer and internal personnel structuring, Jackson continued to push forward even more deliberately.

Chapter

6

Jackson walked into the spare bedroom at about five PM to begin his workout to help release some of the stress that had been building up on the inside. Every time he dwelt on the past and the events that had occurred at the HIP, it pushed him into a state of depression. He hated the fact that some of the people that worked for him had been allowed to stay with the company, whereas, he had been asked to leave. He felt that perhaps there was some justice in the decision, but it had devastated his life and marriage and now his mind.

As he took his position on the weight bench and focused on the task at hand, he couldn’t help reliving the hours spent at the distribution center. He thought of the wonderful people that had worked for him, their families, and the special times each had enjoyed. During the holiday season, he had the meals catered in so everyone could continue to work and complete the implementation stage of the endeavor. It had been a privilege to have met people like Valerie from Salt Lake City, UT, and Ms. Conover that worked with him. These people will never be forgotten for their caring attitude and wonderful support.

Sitting on the bench and reaching for the dumbbells, Jackson wanted more out of life than what he was getting in Browns Mills, New Jersey. This limited existence, after having a very nice position, was not cutting it and would have to change. As he worked his forty-five-year-old body to the limit with the free weights, a familiar voice whispered in his head.

“If you will just listen, we can make this adventure for us all. I can help, won’t you let me show you?” The voice faded away into the background of the inner room until it couldn’t be distinguished from Darrell’s voice.

A candid discussion between Darrell and Jackson went on for some time after the initial impersonal introduction of the spirit that vexed Darrell there in his place beside the others in the inner room. A battle, no not nut just a battle, but war was about to be unleashed in the mind of Darrell and sub sequentially, in Jackson’s mind.

The scenes were exciting but morally wrong. Why would his mind be led in this direction? How could he dwell on the possibility that an existence like the one the spirit was trying to convey was in any way acceptable?

“It’s okay,” it whispered. “Take your time and watch.”

The voice was soft and mellow, almost too kind. Jackson couldn’t tell if it was male or female. It stretched out the vowels and smoothed out the sentences as if it were a song.

“Let me sing to you,” it said as it passed again and again before Darrell’s mind’s stage. “You can do this. It will be okay, God loves you.”

The television from the other rooms echoed through the hallway. The soap operas and game shows washed through the walls and into the spare bedroom. Jackson continued to listen to the voices, to Darrell and his spirit visitor as they exchanged words. Adopting a wait-and-see attitude, Jackson slipped into his mantra and placed his headphones on to help drain out the debate. Sweating from the workout and walking into the bathroom across the hallway, Jackson noticed that there wasn’t any talking in his head, no voices.

“What can this mean?” he questioned, taking as he moved toward the shower and adjusted the water temperature.

“Has the battle been won already?” he thought. “And, if so, who won?”

After undressing and placing his hand under the stream of water to check if it was too hot, Jackson stepped into the shower. As the warm relaxing cascade made its way around his shoulders and down his back, he could feel the muscles loosen. He liked to exercise but hated the soreness afterward Determined not to let the weight take over again, he fought Denny back in his mind telling him that he had had his turn. He had put Jackson in a precarious position with his health for the last time. It was time for Denny to go to his chair in the inner room and go to sleep.

A discussion between Jackson and Denny lasted for the rest of the evening and into the twilight hours. Daylight would awaken with the winner of the inner dialogue taking control.

Chapter

7

February 1st was approaching faster than the tasks could be completed regardless of how many people were being hired. Originally, the facility was to have eleven months to complete the implementation schedule, but due to legal issues, Jackson and the team only had from October to the end of January. The crush was on and tempers were flaring.

“It would seem to me that the download and associated computer tasks would have been completed by now. The litigation didn’t stand in the way of the computer contract being finalized and work being completed did it?” asked Jackson as he stepped into the computer office where Linda was fast at work putting the mainframe together that had been shipped dathe y th before.

“No, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Portland is dragging its feet,” stated Jackson.

“Linda, where are we on this installation? Would you get the data transfer office on the phone and let’s find out what the hell is going on? We only have thirty days to finish this and the Governor’s office is breathing down our necks.” Barked Jackson as he walked out of the MIS department and back to his office.

“What’s going on?” asked Laura, the HR department head stepping through the office door.

“Laura, what’s the status of the new hires? Are we anywhere near the number we need to complete the project and open the doors?” asked Jackson.

“We’re nearly at full capacity,” she said as she took the chair in front of the Cherry wood desk.

“How many do we have now?” questioned Jackson.

“About two hundred and eighty people as of today?” said Laura.

Laura was a five-foot-four-ball of fire. She was an excellent choice for the HR department head. She had some experience with a previous company, but with this implementation project under her belt, she’d have no problem getting a job anywhere she wanted.

“We could handle fifty more, but you have to remember that each has to train if not already acquainted with the procedures and operations of the type of business,” said Laura leaning back in the chair.

Jackson had complete trust in her judgment and left the HR issues to her to finish, besides there were so many other things to complete that he didn’t have time to hire or train.

“Laura, I tell you what to do, put together a brief for me and have it on my desk by Friday,” said Jackson.

After the discussion had drawn to a close, Laura left the office and went about her normal duties on the other side of the building. Her office was in the open center of the facility where the employees would congregate during their breaks once the interior of the facility was completed. She was one of the best public relations professionals that could have been hired. Jackson liked her, that’s why he hired her.

Six offices were constructed. Not including the warehouse office and the liquid room, there was much to do. Of all of the pharmacists hired, Arnie was viewed as a cut above the rest. Not only did the company hire a quality professional, but they also hired a quality person. He was outstanding.

As the work progressed, Arnie became a very important part that would help stabilize the operations.

Chapter

8

“What’s going today?” the voice started in its low, melancholy manner. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this Darrell character. You know, the one that I’ll be taking over soon. He can’t understand where I want to take you, the things I want to show you.”

Gently sliding through the inner room from the chair meant to contain Darrell, the spirit that was possessing him pulled him closer to Jackson. It wasn’t difficult to handle Darrell; he already had the predisposition for lewd acts. It was only a matter of persuading him to take the final step. This step was meant to liberate Jackson. It was to set him free.

“I want to share something with you, Jackson.” Said the voice. “Will you allow me to share a thought with you? I’m sure thoughts cannot harm, can they?” asked their voice from the mind of Darrell.

“You know God wouldn’t have made you this way if it wasn’t in the plan.” Started the voice. “His plan for you will not hurt you. Can it hurt you Jackson?” quizzed the voice.

“And, for you to become all that you are, you know this is just a stepping stone, a small adventure into the world that invites you to play. You do like to play don’t you?” he asked as he slithered through the inner room.

He tangled and twisted the truth, he made it change colors from a brilliant white to a dull gray, and he made it appear to be real. “

This adventure was just that, an adventure that was new, and an adventure into another life. Once the spirit had convinced Jackson to take the first step, there was no stopping it and the spirit was counting on that to happen.

“What are you talking about?” asked Jackson as he looked deep within himself.

“I just want to be happy. Can I be happy? Maybe this world doesn’t hold happiness for me,” said Jackson.

Moving slowly through the house filled with sounds, music, and talk shows, he felt himself move deeper into his mind. Being lured by this discussion over and over again became intoxicating.

“What if this was what he was looking for all of this time?” questioned Jackson. “What if the world described by what appeared to Darrell was just the thing he needed to validate himself?”

He had always tried to satisfy everyone around him and had failed each time, or so he thought. It was never enough. Never enough money, never enough time spent doing the things around the house, never enough time spent at work, never enough education, never enough of anything. He was just sick of trying so hard all of the time.

The last time Jackson had tried so hard was the time he was committed to the institution in Oakland, California.

“Oh yes,” interrupted the voice of Darrell. “I remember that fiasco very well. Ben had to step in and keep the whole thing from falling apart.”

Darrell was not the ringleader at that time, but the affair and the attempted suicide was not his decision either. How long had the group intended to end it that way?

“You know, Jackson,” started Darrell, “Had it not been for the God stepping into the picture and stopping that crazy Carl, we wouldn’t be here today.”

“You know that, right?” asked Darrell. “Do you want a response from me?” asked Jackson as he walked into the master bedroom and began preparing to go to sleep.

“Do you want me to answer that?” he asked again. After waiting enough time for a reply, Jackson heard nothing from Darrell. In the inner room away from the rest of them, Darrell sat under a spell that had been cast by the spirit. This spirit, one of torment, was to become trouble for Jackson in the not too distant future. It was only a matter of time.

Chapter

9

January came in with a bang in 1995.

“Do ya think it’s going to snow all day?” asked Celeste as she removed her coat and shook the remaining snow from its shoulders.

“Illy a mess out there today.” Said Ann. “I wonder if we’ll work all day or they’ll close the roads down. Here in Trenton when it snows like this, we go home.”

Celeste and Ann were two of the first administrative assistants that Jackson hired for the new facility. He wanted employees that were going to be faithful. They fit the description and had proven themselves over and over.

The project was taxing. It was nerve-racking.

With the final days of December behind the dedicated group that had been hired, Bill, Jackson, and the other directors and supervisors sat down to discuss the remainder of the project.

“Can we finish the download for the formulary or not?” asked Jackson. He leaned back in the chair and watched as Linda gathered her information and explained the situation.

“We have encountered a problem.” She said as she took her seat.

“PSI tells me that a cable or something has messed up and they can’t find another one for at least a week. This will slow us down too.” She said.

Linda was a truly dedicated employee that hated things going wrong. She took things into her own hands to try to make it work.

“What do you mean they can’t find another one?” asked Jackson. He twisted back and forth in the chair. With searching eyes, he looked at each one that was seated and demanded an answer.

“You know we can’t open by February 1, 1995, unless with having this information transferred. We’re caught in the middle of the State and the corporate office.” He said angrily.

“You get me PSI on the phone.” demanded Jackson, “and I want them to explain why they can’t do the job they are being paid to do for us!”

He got up from his chair and went out of the office.

His heart was pounding like a drum. Even though he didn’t suffer from high blood pressure, this was soon to be his next obstacle to conquer. All he wanted was to finish the installation and fulfill the project’s demands. From what he saw, some of the companies he was working with had failed to keep their end of the bargains.

“What am I suppose to tell corporate when they ask me what’s going on?” asked Jackson as he paced back and forth in front of his office window.

Outside the snow floated down like feathers onto the ground. Every car in the employee parking lot was covered by now and it was only ten o’clock am.

Gently moving southward, small pieces of ice make their way down the Delaware River. From Jackson’s office window, Delaware was within a stone’s throw. During his first visit to New Jersey, he took the time to stop at the place where George Washington crossed over into Pennsylvania, or so he was told. Trenton and Philadelphia both are old cities full of stories of crime, joy, homelessness, wealth, and poverty. Each city had its fair share of problems. Each city had its share of disappointments.

As Jackson stood watching the snow, he wondered if he had made the right choice about coming to Trenton. He wasn’t sure about the place or the people. He felt uneasy about the city. Both of the cities in the area held new and exciting things to experience for Jackson. He wasn’t aware of the depth of the despair that lay ahead of him and his family. All he knew at this time was that unless the subcontractors didn’t fulfill their end of the deals, everyone would be in a lot of trouble trying to explain why things weren’t finished.

He watched the snow from the window for some time. It lured him into a peaceful world where there were no phones, no people, and no problems. There in the white world, he rested for a few moments.

“Jackson, the company’s on the phone.” Said Linda as she stuck her head around the corner of the office door.

“Good, I’ll be right there,” Jackson replied.

From a world that was still and quiet to a world filled with turmoil and anger.

“What do you mean you can’t find another cable? Asked Jackson over the phone.

“We have a single supplier for this cable and we can’t get another one in for at least a week.” Said the voice on the other side of the United States. There in Portland, PSI had run into a problem.

“I don’t want an excuse for this delay. You know that if we aren’t open on Feb. 1, we’re in big trouble.” Explained Jackson.

“Yes, we understand that, but there’s nothing we can do right now to fix this.” Explained the technician working on the problem.

“Here Linda, I don’t want excuses, I want answers.” Shouted Jackson as he handed the phone over and walked out of the office.

“You can’t get a damn thing done around here with these contractors. It appears that they don’t understand the importance of this cable and the download.” Said day to himself as he walked.

“I’m not here for my health. If I didn’t need them, I would cancel their contract, but we have no one else. I stuck with this for now.” He said as he walked through the facility hoping to get a change of atmosphere.

Walking through the doors that separated the administrative area from the operations floor, Jackson noticed the crew that he had assembled to complete the project.

Carts sat everywhere. These carts were a special order item made by an individual in the local area. There were made of durable fiberglass, filled with small drawers that were each departmentalized to carry the unit dose medication to the hospitals’ floors. Each hospital would have a daily delivery of medication at the appointed time so their attending nurses could give the doses to the clients.

A hundred or more employees were busy working to finish placing the name tags on the fronts of the drawers. The tags had been printed in the computer room and delivered to the floor for dissemination. The name tags were printed with the client’s name, room number, attending physician’s name, and the medication’s information. There couldn’t be any mistake because people’s lives were on theline everydayy. Accuracy was extremely important and would be one of the evaluation points that the State would want to see a report for at the end of each month. Jackson walked through the facility. He greeted the employees and helped them with their tasks. He didn’t mind helping, besides, it created a bond between them that would prove to be unbreakable in the future. A camaraderie was forged in the intense working conditions with the employees as Jackson worked with them. He cared for the workers. He didn’t care much for the corporate office. Corporate offices are impersonal. He couldn’t be that way, not now. He helped unload one of the tractor-trailers that were being unloaded at the back door.

“Get the other side of this and help me move it over to the center of the room.” Instructed Jackson as he attempted to move a large crate from the trailer.

“I wasn’t hired to unload trucks.” Said the pharmacist.

Paul was an arrogant son of a bitch at that time. Young and just out of school, he wasn’t a team player. And right now, Jackson needed team players. There was so much work to be completed, each person had to do things they didn’t want to do, and that meant Paul as well.

“I tell you what, Paul,” said Jackson. “You are no better than I am, and you will assist me with this crate or you’ll get you’re things and get out.”

Needless to say, Paul helped Jackson with the crate. He didn’t react in that manner from that time forward. Jackson saw to that.

Day after day the project ventured forward on its charted course and sailed through dangerous water. Like a vessel headed to an unexplored island or the space shuttle being launched to an unidentified planet, the crew and management of this project took one day at a time.

Chapter

10

“So what has happened to you to make you so melancholy today?” asked the spirit possessing Darrell. Shifting from the inner room’s chair reserved for Darrell, the spirit started what was to be an avalanche of events to change Jackson’s life forever. I

It was a small chair that Darrell spoke from. It was a small circle of events that had taken place from the years gone by where his presence, Darrell’s presence, wasn’t as important nor did it perform any major role in the host’s life, in Jackson’s life.

Darrell, now directed by a spirit from hell, had a plan to destroy Jackson’s life, his family, his finances, and his mind.

“So, now that you’re in the position of control at work,” says the voice of the spirit in Darrell’s mind to Jackson, “I want to help you feel something that you’ve never felt before. I have a way for you to have it all. You can reach that unreachable goal that you’ve set for yourself. I know how to get you there. Darrell can’t help you at this point.” Says the voice in the quiet solitude of the inner room.

Shadows rose and fell again in the inner room. This room that had seen many personalities, spirits, and illusions was now being occupied by a spirit that was controlling Darrell. Darrell was the only personality that had been able to resurface from the time in California when things were to have ended. There in the room where Mary and the doctor watched these climaxes, they had hoped it was over.

Now, this spirit in Darrell’s mind was to reconnect to the present in New Jersey and pay a final visit to Jackson’s life. The spirit took full control of Darrell. In the fog of the inner room, Darrell changed from his former figure to a different person. He was filled with ideas, lust, and revenge for the things that had happened to Jackson in his life. The revenge was to be this spirit’s way of helping Jackson to become the unthinkable, the unforgiving, the person that Jackson never wanted to admit that he was. A person filled with horror, shame, and self-fulfillment. Life owned Jackson something, he thought. He thought of how he could get back at the world that had stolen his happiness, his joy, and his dreams.

“I know what to do for you,” said the spirit through Darrell. Darrell stood unfamiliar with the thewitheelings he was experiencing, unfamiliar to the thoughts he was having. How could he ever allow the inner thoughts of the spirit to be manifested in the body of Jackson? “Can I let this happen?” Darrell asked.

Little did Darrell know that his personality would be perverted into something that would destroy life itself if left unchecked by the host. Darrell slowly drifted away in his mind to a place that had been prepared for him by the spirit and he fell asleep there in the valley of sorrows where depression and tears held hands.

“Now, with Darrell asleep,” said the spirit, “I have complete control of the chain of events and I’m going to make it happen.” And with that, the spirit set about his whispering and luring Jackson into a world he’d never seen before. Eventually, the luring of this untried world would take all that Jackson had and almost his life.

He sat on the patio that July afternoon and fantasies began to flood over his mind. Fantasies that were being conjured up by the spirit within Darrell’s mind blossomed into a fevered pitch. Each illusion Norway e cunning than the one before it, each shadow grew ever closer to reality, and they grew into what was called life.

“How can I watch this?” questioned Jackson as he twisted back and forth on the lounge placed near the edge of the patio.

“I don’t think this is me? I don’t think this is who I’ve become. I know my married life isn’t perfect, but this way of life that is being formalized by this spirit can’t be really who I am!”

Jackson shook his head. Racking his brain for some form of sanity in this insanity, he found no relief, no solace for his troubled life, his soul.

“How can I be this abomination, this thing?” he asked himself.

“Don’t worry.” Said the spirit. I can help you with this explanation. “I said God loves you just the way you are, didn’t I? He’ll never let you go too far into this world that He can’t get you out. Besides, God is love. You know that don’t you?”

Slithering from the inner room into Jackson’s mind, the spirit talked of wonderful times, fun, and a place where everyone was happy. He talked of love, sharing, and drinking. He caressed him with tender thoughts of emotional release, and he wanted to be Jackson’s new friend. “I’ll be a friend that will be there when others in his life have turned their backs on you; just think of the fun you have missed trying to be something that you know you’re not!”

“Jackson, I’m telling you just to try it once. You’ll see it’s not what people have made it out to be or called it in the newspapers. I’ll be our secret, okay?” said the Spirit from the mind of Darrell.

Chapter

11

“What are we doing?” shouted Jackson as he walked through the entry door into the operations area of the pharmacy.

“What’s happening here? Can’t you all see that if we don’t work harder and longer hours we’re not going to get this completed by the first of February?"

Jackson walked into the main area of the facility and took a long hard look at the progress that had been made. He wasn’t angry with the workers, he was angry with the establishment for placing the employees and the management team in such a terrible position with the State agency.

“How are we going to get all this done on time?” questioned Jackson.

“The two two-stateesentatives from the health department will be by to check on our progress, and what are we going to tell them?”

Jackson walked off of the operations floor and back into the administration’s office area.

“Bill, what was this company thinking? They have crushed us into a few months to finish all of this work and, well, we aren’t going to get done on time.” Said Jackson as he took an office seat in Bill’s room.

“I know it.” Said Bill. “But what the hell do you think I should do? We’re behind, we have a limited budget, we can’t hire any more people, and the corporate office tells me that I don’t have a blank check to keep buying without telling them where we are on the implementation schedule. What do you suggest we do?” he said.

“I know the progress has been slow.” Stated Jackson, “But the least we can do is make sure we’re doing things by the book, right?”

Jackson stood up and walked over to the window. There in the parking lot was someone who caught the spirit’s eye. “Maybe we’ll start here.” Said the spirit. “I know just what to do to bring this into reality. Don’t worry Jackson. I’m going to take care of you now.”

Jackson tried to refocus on the conversation with Bill, but the spirit’s thoughts were just too much. His mind reeled and rocked from the rush of blood to his mind’s eyes. There in the secluded recesses, illusions flooded the scene. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His thoughts jumped from one scene to another, from one experience to another, from one high to another.

“Who’s your friend now?” asked the spirit as he walked proudly in front of Jackson’s mind’s eye.

“Where do you want to go first? It’s just a matter of making up your mind, taking a deep breath, and going for it. It’s there for you now, why are you waiting?” Said the voice in slow convincing tones. Gesturing from the sidelines of his inner mind Darrell was a warm and soothing smile on the face of death.

“I have got to focus myself on the task of opening this facility. I can’t be pulled away into so drama or fictitious story about something that I know nothing about.” Said Jackson as he walked from Bill’s office around the hall and over to his secluded area.

“I think I better leave this thing alone that’s invading my mind for now.” He said as he moved to the vertical blinds that were hung on the window, pulled them aside, and, watched the snow fall on an already covered parking lot full of cars.

“See the snow?” questioned the voice. “See how it gentle falls. The same will be true for you when you look closer at that life. It’s not what people have made it up to be. It’s just like any other.” Said the voice.

“You’ll see. It’s just a matter of time now.” Soothed the voice.

“It’s just a matter of time.”

“Just a matter of time.”

The echo of the spirit’s voice resounded in the inner room. There in the room where secrets had been kept was now being filled with something new. The sound of the voice gently pulled at Jackson. He was beginning to see that maybe what he was looking for, that closeness, was not in his world at all, but in the other world described by the spirit.

“Besides,” said the spirit. “God loves you just the way you are. You’re now a bad person. He knows that. He knows what you go through and He wants to help you.”

Jackson listened and agreed to some of the statements. He couldn’t imagine himself in life. He couldn’t understand how he was going to get through this and still keep his sanity. Nevertheless, the idea of having fun remained at the forefront. The idea of having fun was now just a short time away.

“I see what you’re saying, but I feel this is not for me. I don’t sense that it’s right for me. I know God loves me, but I know what I have been taught. This is not right.” Said Jackson as he turned his thoughts inward.

The day was getting tired and long finger-like shadows stretched across the sky, around the trees that lined the river bank, and finally into the office where Jackson stood pondering the outcome of his last discussion with the spirit.

“I’m not so sure about this.” He thought as he turned to prepare to leave and go home for the day.

Chapter

12

She was tall and large for a woman. She was larger than most of the men that worked in the operations department. Gregarious and full of life, Deloris, Dee for short, was exciting and not afraid of anyone or anything.

Dee was funny.

During the start-up phase of the New Jersey Project, Dee’s knowledge and “Do whatever it takes” attitude added much to the success of the facility. Having worked for the rival company, the previous supplies, Dee brought with her the secrets of the trade. It would’ve been a lot different without her. She was from the other side of the tracks and the establishment didn’t like the idea of people being different, or in life as it was often called. Nevertheless, Dee was a viable participant on the operation’s floor and added the needed drive to finish many complex projects on time.

“Can I talk with you a minute?” she asked as she came into Jackson’s office.

“Sure,” said Jackson as he continued to type a memorandum that was due by the afternoon on Joe’s desk.

Joe was the new project leader, replacing Bill in the later stages of the implementation project. It seemed as though Joe was more experienced and politically aligned with the establishment in New Mexico. He was from Philadelphia, but as he often portrayed, he had been around.

“Joe,” started Dee, “Is going to let me go! Can you believe that! After all, we have been through, he has decided that my salary is too high for a lowly technician and is going to cut me!”

Dee shouted at Jackson as she vented her frustration. True the project would have suffered more had it not been for Dee, but the powers that be had decided about her that Jackson had no control over.

“Listen, Dee, this company is going to do whatever it wants to do and there’s nothing that you nor I can do about it. They were to change the control of the project to Joe because of his experience. I don’t like it either, but I can say too much. I’m probably on the list too for all I know.” Said Jackson as he stopped typing and looked at Dee.

She was in a state of shock and didn’t know what to say. She took a deep breath and told Jackson that she didn’t know how she was going to make it without this job.

Completing her story, Dee turned and walked out of the office, through the operation’s door, and back to work.

Sensing that there was a move afoot, Jackson walked to Joe’s office and stepped through the door.

“So I hear that Dee’s going to be let go. Is that true?” he questioned.

“Yes, it’s true, but that was a decision made because of the salary she’s being paid. She’s paid too much, period, end of the story.”

The e turned to his laptop and continued to work on the accounting figures for the facility. He didn’t say anything else.

“Well,” said Jackson, “Just as long as I’m not next.”

He turned the corner after making the statement but caught a smirk on Joe’s face indicating that he was on the list and it was just a matter of time.

Chapter

13

“Same thing today, huh?” asked the spirit. It walked to the oval openings of Jackson’s world and looked out.

“I’m telling you that you have got to get what’s coming to you. They owe you that much,” it said as it caressed Jackson’s inner thoughts.

“Can’t you see? Don’t you want to have a little fun sometime? You work too much. Work, work, work, that’s all you do. You have no time for fun. So, what do you say to some fun?"

The spirit started his familiar discussion, but this time it had an unfamiliar twist. Venturing into dark, less-traveled avenues of the heart, the spirit journeyed with Jackson by its side. Where were the two going? What was the meaning of this so journeying from reality into another realm of existence? Is there another world beyond this mundane excuse of work, sleep, and work? The spirit had planned an out-of-the-way detour for Jackson today. A sense of what it would be like if he would just relax his guard. This moment would allow him to enjoy life as opposed to constantly trying to make excuses for his behavior, his way of life, and his inner desire for someone special. It was insane. It was the only way the spirit would get into his world. This attraction, this allure, this playing role in the business world would soon come to an end. When the end came, it would finish everything in Jackson’s life as well. The fall and the sense of being normal would never be the same again. It was time.

Jackson’s mind swirled from the conversation and the inner thoughts that penetrated his mind. Catastrophic calamity will ensue. Devastation from the turn of events will remove all that remains of a world of rules and commands that tied Jackson to a role he was unable to continue to play.

“Let’s stop kidding ourselves, Jackson. You know that what I offer you are a way of escape from this world and its restrictions. Can’t you understand that this is for your good?” continued the spirit.

It chastised him for resisting. It moved in for the kill.

“You weren’t the one she wanted.” hissed the spirit. “She’ll never care for you either.”

After the familiar soliloquy that had been rehearsed over and over in Jackson’s head came to a close, the spirit crawled away into the darkness of the inner room and waited to see what choice would be made.

Chapter

14

Another day dawned and the sun shook itself awake to begin its slow march up into the eastern sky. Untamed winds swirled through the backyard of the little house on Seneca Trail. Tossing the large Pine trees from side to side, the wind blew without regret. Up through the branches, small birds nestled close to the tree’s trunks seeking what little shelter that be found. Today was not like the rest. Today would begin a journey that many have taken, but few have come back from. Jackson would begin his journey into hell.

Unable to focus his thoughts on the matters at hand, Jackson sat restlessly behind his desk in the office facing the river. There was always a way out, he thought. Their weather choice might this curiosity. The spirit had woven a cloak of curiosity and provided a way to sample the intoxication. Jackson waited. He turned toward from side deliberating what to do. Where could he turn now?

People came to his office door but were wavedawwaved away thought of the becoming gripped him and moved over his mind. Some would scoff, make fun, spread rumors, lie, or do anything else to separate themselves from this adventure. The time for lying was over.

With little thought of the circumstances that were being played out, Jackson’s mind coursed through the streets of the neighboring city. Where could he go to surrender to this new and exciting way? He didn’t have to look far.

************************

Well, it was certainly not what he had expected. The smell of alcohol penetrated the air, the seats, and the clothing. Many of them sat hide away from the main crowd just outside of view under a cloak of semi-darkness. Their deeds were of a nature not to be seen by some, relished by others, and abnormal to many. It was as if they were not sure if they were who they said they were. So, they sat in the darkness letting the night take its course.

Music throbbed from the speakers attached to the player that spun the discs one after another. The club was too small for a disc jockey. Songs with lyrics telling their storage y often heard throughout many of the same types of surroundings as this that Jackson hawandereded into.

Not knowing what to say or where to sit, he walked awkwardly to a near bar stool and slowly took a seat. As he watched the bartender, he could see that tending was second nature to him and he enjoyed the conversations that were exchanged from one customer to another. Discussions about love, hate, drinking, and just about every other topic were open for the taking. The television mounted on the wall near the entrance squawked in the background. How easy the looks, the glances, were made between several of those that sat opposite Jackson. Often during the discussion, slight hand gestures were visible luring the eye to secret places.

The evening was new and a few of them had ventured in to start the game early. That’s all it was, a game.

Drama and drastic circumstances filled each topic as they talked about their challenges and successes. How alluring it all appeared to a newcomer from the outside.

“What’ll it be,” quizzed the bartender as he walked by on his way to deliver a mixed drink to a paying patron.

“Well, I don’t know,” said Jackson as he squirmed on the bar stool.

“Well, take your time and I’ll be right back,” said the bartender as he walked by going in the other direction to the cash register.

“You’re new here, right?” he quizzed. “I haven’t seen you before,” he said.

, Yes, how are you?” asked Jackson as he looked away somewhat timidly.

“I’ve never been here before,” Jackson said as he tried to look the young man in the face.

He was around twenty-five, five-nine or so with olive-colored skin. Well portioned and good-natured. By the way, he was working the bar, he was experienced in making drinks and equities the conversationalist.

“Don’t worry honey,” he started, “I’ve seen them all. Don’t worry about anything going on in here. I’ll let you know if you’re going to have a problem. People come in here to be who they are, as well as yourself.” He continued with a fast glance as he walked to the counter and stopped in front of Jackson.

“Now, what would you like, besides the obvious?” he asked.

Jackson was taken by surprise by his direct approach and how quickly he had read the game being played.

He leaned over the bar and placed his hands on Jackson’s right hand.

“Listen, honey, you don’t have to play or pretend here like you do on the outside. No one cares here who or what you are, so relax.” He said with confidence and reassurance.

“We have no rules.” He continued.

With that, Jackson looked directly at him and ordered a Rum and Coke. didn't know what to order since he rarely drank, but this wasn’t about the drink.

“Okay, honey, Rum and Coke it is.” Said the youthful figure as he reached for the bottles to prepare the drink to order.

“So, where you from?” quizzed Jackson’s new acquaintance as he proportioned out the exact measurements in the glass half full of ice he had placed in front of Jackson.

“Here and there,” answered Jackson in an attempt to avoid any further discussion about himself.

“Oh,” said the bartender, “we’re going to play it like that today. Hey, that’s okay with me. I’ve heard it a hundred times.”

Reaching for the Bacardi and turning to face Jackson, Rafael said just what was on his mind. “I’ve seen all kinds come in here. Scared, quiet, loud, queens, straight, drunk, prissy, sick, and just about anything else. So, I’m not trying to figure anyone out and that includes you, Okay?”

Jackson read the name tag on these South AAmericanshirt. His name matched his appearance and sounded natural. It wasn’t made up to hide behind. He was what he was. And this place was what it was.

“I told you this would work.” Said the spirit inside Jackson’s head.

“Just wait, it ain’t over yet.” It whispered. “It ain’t over yet.”

With that, the spirit whispered secrets that were only meant to further confuse the situation. It whispered to Jackson for a little while longer, then walked away and took its seat near the outer edges of the inner room. It waited to see what would happen.

It’s evident that decisions are made for many reasons and this decision was no different from others that he had made in the past except for the consequences.

Decisions are made; consequences follow.

Decisions are made; consequences follow.

Decisions are made; consequences follow.

Decisions are made; consequences follow.

The music played in the background, songs filled with desperate voices seeking desperate results.

Chapter

15

Snow fell heavily against Jackson’s face as he made his way down the front walk that led to the entrance of the operational facility. It had been six months since the opening and many of the bugs had been worked out by several new people hired in the ree some of the undue stress suffered by the original crew.

Celeste and Anne, the original secretaries hired, were excelling at their positions and were being promoted by the staff.

Both of the secretaries, better known as executive assistants, were at the top of their game and worked almost independently. Jackson was very proud of them, as well as the rest of the crew. He felt he had chosen them wisely from the mountain of applicants who had mailed in a resume hoping to be selected for the project's implementation stage.

“Good morning,” said Celeste as Jackson entered the building.

“Good morning,” replied Jackson as he moved slowly by her desk on his way to his office.

“Celeste, the notes on the State meeting we had last Tuesday, please bring them to my office as soon as possible. I need to review the resolutions offered to the State.” Said Jackson as he looked over his right shoulder at Celeste.

“Sure.” She replied as she began to look through the files on her desk that were being meticulously sorted for the file room.

Jackson walked methodologically to his office, slid his coat off,f and hung it on the wooden coat rack located behind his door. He placed his briefcase on the glass top on his desk and walked around the corner of the room near the window. As he did, his computer beeped signifying it was ready for another day’s work. As he took his seat and prepared to battle the office politics engendered by Joe and several of the others who had arrived from Bensalem to dethrone the incumbents at Trenton, he thought, “The game’s afoot.”

**************************

“I thought I’d find you hear.” stated the spirit from the inner room. They pulled the chair across the dark floor of the room and moved around to the front and took a seat.

“I see you made it through the other night at the bar.” He said with a hint of “I told you so,” hanging on to each word.

“I told you it wasn’t going to be all that bad. You went in and had a few drinks, so what? It doesn’t mean a thing. Those people are just like you, it’s just that you’re fooling yourself into believing that you can’t do this.” He said as he slithered and squirmed in the chair.

“I’ll see that you have the right approach the next time and we’ll have more fun too. That is what you want isn’t it?”

With that, the spirit moved away from the oval exits of Jackson’s mind and slipped into the dark recesses of the inner room.

“Hey, you wait a minute!” shouted Jackson as if he had seen someone. “I’m not finished talking with you. You can’t make me do anything. You can’t make me.” Said Jackson as he whirled around in his leather office chair.

“You can,t,” he said in a low reluctant tone. It was as if his world was seeping and he was unable to plug the hole.

“What am I to do now?” he wondered.

With the push to come up with some solution in the Billing department, Jackson tried to focus his thoughts on the world around him. He had many concerns about the billing because Prichard, the current MIS director, was unable to function in the capacity needed to make the billing interface between HIP and the State of New Jersey work. The facility was six months into operation and had not received the payment through the UNISYS system due to a lack of continuity and coding errors. The formulary download had taken a very long time to complete and the result was full of bugs.

Maria and her counterpart from the State office called numerous times trying to ascertain why HIP was not billing. Prichard and Jackson made several trips to the State office and to UNISYS to establish the exact reason for the delay or backup on the billing process.

After completing briefs to the executive division through Joe’s office, Jackson was called into the office for a discussion that would place him in charge of the billing process or at least set a precedence that would start a chain reaction and bring the billing disaster to a conclusion.

“Jackson, I want you to take charge of the billing process and find out why we’re not getting paid.” Started Joe.

Thurman was on the phone from the home office and was instrumental in the initiation of this chain of events that would change the power structure.

Thurman was a good man and had the interest of not only the company but also Jackson at heart. He perpetually assisted Jackson with many projects and helped Jackson get selected for new projects to complete.

“Jackson,” started Thurman, “Here’s the problem. We’re behind in the billing process and we, the home office, fill that you’re the man to take care of the problem. Be ready to fly to Albuquerque on Monday to be briefed by the Accounting office as to what issues needed to be addressed and remedied.”

With that, Jackson discussed the details of Trenton's location and the steps that had been taken to determine the total outstanding billing amount due HIP from the State. Joe and Thurman agreed that Jackson would take about a week in Albuquerque to familiarize himself with the procedures in the main office, then return to Trenton and implement the procedure that enabled HIP to get paid. Twelve million dollars was a lot of money outstanding in accounts receivables during the first five to six months of operations.

Marie and her staff from the State officials agreed to work with Jackson in this endeavor until the billing dilemma was resolved. Policy and procedure had to be established within the Billing department before the coding could be synchronized and transferred through UNISYS.

Several office visits were conducted to evaluate the necessary protocol to retrieve the manual medication billing amounts. According to the State, the previous supplier had no problem retrieving the manually billed products; therefore, HIP should not have any problems setting up the steps to bill the State. The State’s patience was thinning and so were HIPs. Medicaid coding and the billing process was extremely time-consuming but without the proper numerical values, pricing, and labels corresponding to the state formulary specifications, payment couldn’t be processed. It was up the Jackson to finalize the process and make it work.

Chapter

16

“Malaga” was an exciting and wonderful restaurant Jackson happened to find that had excellent Spanish cuisine. It was located on one of the main streets of Trenton, New Jersey.

From the street, Malaga didn’t appear to be any different than many of the other dining spots, but once you entered you could instantaneously see it was truly an escape from the ordinary.

“May I take your coat?” questioned one of the attendants as Jackson entered and waited to be seated. Soothing music echoed in the background inviting the tired soul to rest.

“We have a special seat for you today. Please come this way.” Said the young Spanish gentleman. One of many that were serving as waiters in the “One of a Kind” snapshot of a true Spanish villa.

As with proper dining protocol, the waiter approached the table, greeted the guest, and explained the special selections that were being offered with the appropriate wine to compliment the meal. It was refreshing to be entertained by the culture distinct from this villa.

After completing the ordering, Jackson relaxed his guard and glanced around the dining tables as he waited for the chosen bottle of wine to arrive in a silver colander chilled with ice. The waiter placed the vine next to the table and served Jackson his first glass. He thanked the waiter visually and waited to allow the wine to breathe.

***************************

“Mr. High and Mighty.” said the voice in the inner room. “I’m here.”

The spirit ventured to the orbs and looked out. “What do we have here?” it questioned as it looked around the room.

“Well, this is special, huh?” sneered the spirit.

“Hotsy Totsy.” It said.

“Goody, Goody.” It expelled.

It watched each passing server with anticipation.

“Okay, okay, not bad, oh yes,” hissed the voice from the inner room. “This just might work.’

“We’ve certainly come to right the place tonight. What a selection. But I know, you’re not ready for this.”

Well then, I’m going to make you ready.” Having made the introduction and resolution clear to Jackson, the spirit waited for the right time to step into Jackson’s world and show him how to cross into another world where anything and everything was okay. There were no rules, guidelines, or standards to meet in this other world. “Live and let live,” was the motto and lifestyle of those caught in the limbo of the alternative life.

Chapter

17

Jackson held his breath, as he was being escorted into the club with the spirit. Stand and encouraging him, the spirit continued to spin the web that would ultimately be the downfall of Jackson and his normal life.

Through the dimly lighted passageway, Jackson moved apprehensively. Reassured by the spirit, each step became a little easier to take.

“Don’t you worry now,” said the spirit. “This will be easier than you think. It’s not like the last club. This club is alive and waiting for you. If you know what I mean.”

Slipping his hand out of his pant pocket, Jackson placed it on the doorknob and turned it slightly. With no effort at all, the door opened. Music filled the air; smoke too. Standing all around the large, poorly lighted room were all types of men, short, tall, thin, dark, Mexican, Caucasian, African American, and, well, just about every type that could be expected here in this larger-than-life environment.

Televisions blared from every corner of the room. Musical shows, sports, news, and a variety of other topics were available for viewing. Booths were for those seeking intimacy, while open seating was for the casual on-lookers. Alcohol flowed freely and cigarette smoke filled the air.

Tonight it wasn’t about meeting anyone. It was about just having some fun at the clubs. This was something Jackson had never done in his life. This was new and he began to enjoy the noise and lights and the attention.

After getting a drink at the bar, he made his way through the crowd being careful not to appear “new” or different. He wanted to fit in and blend in with the others seeking an evening out.

Across the main floor and beyond the central bar was a doorway that led to the stairways. The stairs were wide and accommodating for those needing more room or the intoxicated rebel making his way back up to the second floor and the opportunities.

Stepping through the doorway, Jackson made his way up to the third floor, past the bar on the second floor,r and onto the 9000-square-foot dance floor. Lights flashed, music filled the air, and the opportunities filled the floor with their seduction. The entire floor was filled with drinkers, smokers, and lovers. It was a kaleidoscope that was forever changing; yet remaining the same. It was to become Jackson’s escape from reality. It was to become his life.

Nothing made any difference to Jackson at this moment in his life. His work didn’t matter, his future didn’t matter, just this, the nightlife. It was different and hellish. It would override everything that he had been taught or read. It took him, at least for the night.

Even though the music was loud, smoke irritated his eyes and throat, and the drinks became intoxicating, there was a moment when a voice deep from within him spoke louder than the music.

“What are you doing here?” it asked.

“Don’t you know that these people are going to hell? Is that what you want?” it asked.

“Is this what you want?” it asked loudly; then it became silent and remained silent for the rest of the night.

Jackson didn’t know what to say but pondered the question for some time as he sipped his drink, listened to the music, and watched the top floor.

Who was asking this question and why?

Chapter

18

Several days passed and the question resounded in his mind. It was asking for a very important answer, one that would have to be answered either now or later by Jackson.

Back to the grind and the hours of hard work each morning in Trenton only meant that time was counting the completion down to the last minute. The facility was humming along, but there was soon to be exposed a string that, if pulled, would unravel the entire State contract- a re-bid by the previous supplier. This event would seal the doom of the facility and everyone that was employed there would find themselves out looking for another job.

As time passed, the bid was accepted by ASP and HIP moved into the history books of an impossible dream fulfilled for only a short period. As one of the employees stated after the closure “A miracle that happened in Trenton” was now over.

The distribution of the employees was a hurtful experience and left a scare at Oscarson's heart that remained for years after the closing. He keeps letters from some of the employees and retains their names and address even now. He cared deeply for the employees, their lives, and their dreams, but now all of them had disbursed into other avenues of adventure, employment ent, and other avenues of dreaming. Jackson reflected often on the experience and the bonds that had been forged. It almost possessed him for it had become his life. Seldom does one find a place, a group of people, or an event that reshapes an entire attitude in such a short per period as the Trenton Project? ??reluctantly, Jackson had to refocus his attention and become a part of another group of circumstances at a new job.

It’s July 1997 and the phone has ranrungveral times for Jackson.

“Hello,” he answers.

“Hello, Mr. Holmes. This is Shirley Friedlando from the Foundation. You are being considered for the AssAssociate'ssition and we’d like to schedule an appointment for you this coming week, say, Tuesday at 10:00 AM. Will this be convenient with you?” she questioned.

“Yes, that will be just fine Mrs. Friedlando.” Said Jackson.

“Please, call me Shirley. It’s less formal for me. We try to make our meetings as pleasant as possible, and less restrictive, and we Fazeel that l a first-name basis is one of the ways we can do it. So I’ll see you on Tuesday, Jackson.”

And she hung up.

Feeling more at ease about the new position, Jackson walked through the house and sat on the sofa to watch a few television programs with Mary. Few words were spoken between them for the rest of the evening.

Chapter

19

The small group that sat at the table was less than threatening, thankfully. Jackson had dreaded the exchange of common goals, dreams, work ethics, and beliefs. This meeting, much like many before, was a time to acquaint each one and evaluate the chain of command that had been established. Who was the ruler and who were the serfs? We ask this at each meeting and even though the answer becomes clear in time, we so often hope that management had moved beyond the minor kingdoms of this world and reshaped itself into a workable body of skilled and talented professionals.

Jackson stood and presented his ideas on progress, paths of obtaining this progress, and how the group as a whole would benefit from taking the “road less traveled.”

Shirley watched from her stately chair of authority, as she had with each Associate as their disclaimer had been provided. Waving her hand that the discussion was acceptable but lengthy, she called the meeting to a conclusion and made her final remarks.

“So, now Jackson, we’re excited to have you as part of our team here at the Foundation. We look forward to great things from you and we will, of course, contribute what we can as management to the success of each program. The volunteers here at the Foundation share their lives and their times of success with us. In return, we share our time with them. Your ultimate goal is to motivate the volunteers, encourage their endeavors, and celebrate their successes. As you can see from the numbers, the volunteers provide a substantial amount of money to the cash flow of this foundation. Without them and their giving, we would not be as successful as we are now, nor would be able to pursue new and innovative ways to treat the needy here at the “Foundation.” With people such as you, the Foundation will be able to attain new goals and see new visions. We applaud your acceptance of this position and we look forward to helping each other.” Said Shirley as she called the meeting to adjournment.

She shook each executive’s hand, stepped away from the crowd, and had her way into her corner office overlooking the small town of Browns Mills.

The meeting was warm and inviting, but Jackson was glad it was over. He left the Foundation and went out to get a cup of coffee, and to settle his thoughts.

The day was warm, clear, and still. Not mustirreding this the little town, but in Jackson’s he, ad the spirit was running to the square to begin the relentless attack on the psychic of this tormented mind of Jackson’s.

“Now that that’s over, we can get down to business.” It started.

“We here in the room know just what you’d like and we’re going to see that you get it. Oh, by the way, I’ve convinced those that are awake to work with me on this, this new you,” the spirit said softly and assuredly.

“They have nowhere to go, but, then again, neither do you, Jackson.”

Slithering through the inner room, the spirit held its hands up in a volley of glee. Finally, it had convinced them that its answer was all they needed. It was all right to walk the unexplored roads of the other world. No one had any viable objectionable. Even for Jackson, the thin veil that separated the natural from the unnatural was thinning and soon would disappear. It would soon evaporate. It was only a matter of time.

As he sat at the café drinking a cappuccino, Jackson watched unexpected candidates walk by. They didn’t look that different, they weren’t any different than he was, just unaware of the threat that sat near them. Who was to say they would say no? They hardly ever say no. It’s something that the world enjoys. Why not them?

The questions were never asked, only thought. The actions were never taken, just supposed. Each thought was without an action, at least for now. But that would soon change, and that change would devastate Jackson’s life for four years as he listened to the spirit of the inner room. He waited for the confirmation and the decisions that were being made for him. Action and consequences were in the game.

Chapter

20

The time for discussion and contemplation was over. The spirit, filled with hatred and envy, moved to the front of the stage in Jackson’s mind and took over.

“Now is the time and today is the day,” it said as it set about changing the thoughts and will of the host.

Caught in the middle of the maze with nowhere to turn, Jackson felt himself sinking into a realm that he would not be able to pull himself out of without help. But, then again, at this point, he didn’t want out, he only wanted in.

Jackson drove from the small town where he worked to the intersection of the Pennsylvania Interstate and drove west to an unfamiliar section of the town north of Philadelphia. There he met the quest and embraced it. There he gave in to the war and fell captive to the spirit’s call.

Chapter

21

He was confused, to say the least. Was he ready for this? Could he live with his decision? How would his friend handle this new adventure?

Swirling around in Jackson’s head were questions he couldn’t answer.

Now is the time.

Here is the place.

This is the person.