A Servant's Tracks

The same soft thumping of the train going over tracks that had presumably lulled me into a slumber now stirred me from my restless dreaming and brought me back to the reality that sleep had tried to protect me from. The train. The soft light of the moon. The condensation coating the windows. The hushed conversation of other passengers. The man, sitting across the table from me, waiting for me to wake.

“Where-“ The man rolled his eyes the instant the word left my mouth.

“Seriously, Kouta? If this is going to happen every time then I’m going to have to start banning naptime.” His voice wasn’t familiar but his words were contradictory. He knew me. Somehow.

“Who-“

“Oh don’t start with that either.” He scowled; apparently growing irate. “You know who I am, Kouta. You know who I am, you know where you are, you know where you’re going. I refuse to explain it to you a third time.” He turned to look through the window, wiping away a section of the mist, and muttered to himself. So clearly this guy knew me. He knew my name at least. Though he spoke it oddly. An accent maybe? It had sounded like he was tasting every syllable as it left his lips. Savouring the word. Who the hell was this guy?

“You know my name?” Well, maybe not the most direct approach but I had just woken up after all. The man didn’t turn away from the window, just raised an eyebrow at his own reflection before smirking.

“Oh yes, I know your name, Kouta Kotomine, I know a lot about you.” I hadn’t realised just how dry my mouth felt until I tried to summon up a reply. The man noticed and allowed himself to turn a little and meet my eye. Nothing but amusement gleamed within the dark pits of his eyes. I was the first to look away.

“Kouta Kotomine, Servant of the Eskiya family, tasked with this journey in their stead. What a glorious fate for you. You must feel quite honoured?” He teased. Taunted. Who was this guy and what the hell did he know about the Eskiya family?

“I don’t … I don’t understand?” I sounded far more desperate than I wanted to, a fact that my companion didn’t miss in the slightest, but desperation at least got him to fully turn back around.

The man sat across from me didn’t look like anyone else in my world. No one that I’d passed by on the street, no one that I’d seen around the estate, and I was pretty sure they were no one that the Eskiya’s associated with. Unknown to me but far more confident than he had any right to be, the dark eyed man locked me within his sights. Not allowing for a moment of reprieve. He wasn’t physically imposing but the man’s aura was enough by itself to be stifling in the small train car. Dressed smartly, like a noble or some kind of business man, and with an attitude of good breeding I was surprised that he didn’t look familiar. Surely he’d had dealings with the Eskiya’s before and I’d seen him? That was the only reasonable explanation right? And he was here with me … on a train … taking me … somewhere? Nothing about the man gave anything away. My initial thoughts had to have been correct, this man was a stranger to me and now we were here on this train together for some unknown reason. Some task for the Eskiya family is what he’d said but what task could they have entrusted to me that I would’ve forgotten?

“Your confusion is both irritating and delicious.” He drew back my attention. “Having to explain everything all over again is rather draining but seeing your eyes blown wide in confusion and terror is more than enough to satisfy.” He licked his lips and my chest fought off an involuntary wretch.

“Your … your name,” I choked out.

“My name is Vellian and I am here as your … hm, travel companion, I suppose you could call it.”

“Vellian what? What family are you from?” I racked my brain a thousand times over searching for the curious name of this travel companion of mine but nothing came to mind.

“No family. Just an assistant when one is needed. You yourself are a servant of the Eskiya family. Sworn to their service in this realm and the next. Carrying out their every desire to the best of your abilities no matter the personal costs. You are a tool Kouta. As am I. I just don’t happen to have a permanent owner.” Yes. Now that was familiar. Something Mistress Eskiya had told me before. Servants who wandered the world waiting for a Master to forge a pact with or just offered temporary service for a fee. Lawless and loyal only to themselves. The absolute worst of the Servant world.

“You … you are one of them? The lawless wanderers. So why are you here? With me?” He sighed at my questions. Apparently I wasn’t being as entertaining as he’d hoped.

“You asked that one last time. Ask something new.” He kicked me under the table. “I’ve already answered these ones.” Despite looking like a man of my own age, Vellian had the attitude of a young child not getting their way. Is this really how pactless Servants acted in the real world?

“No.” Sleep and fear had begun to wear off as I beheld this man child speaking half-truths. No Servant of the Eskiya family was going to sit here and take this from a pactless nobody. “You’re going to tell me everything I want to know. Now.”

“Oh, how scary Kouta. I’m practically shaking in my boots,” Vellian mocked. “Usually you’re a lot more pliable and eager to please. I guess you must have woken up on the wrong side of the train car.”

“Yeah, that … why are we on a train? Where are we going?” Vellian shrugged. “What do you mean you don’t know?! What kind of Servant are you?” he shrugged again.

“A pretty subpar one by your standards. You usually don’t ask about the train or its destination. Perhaps the memory loss is getting worse with every nap. Hm. No matter. You wish to know where we are going?”

“Yes?!”

“I don’t know.” I felt my right eye twitch at his response.

“I see why no one wanted to make a pact with you if this is how you act all the time.” Vellian just laughed, clearly unbothered with what I thought, and gestured around to the rest of the train car. About seven or eight other passengers were sat throughout the car occupying themselves in all manner of ways. Some had books, some were chatting with seat mates, some were napping like I had been, and others were gazing out of the window at the night sky beyond. One or two looked slightly familiar but no names came to mind, just a feeling, but all of them shared the same kind of aura. The same as Vellian and I.

“They’re all Servants?”

“Well spotted, Kouta, gold star. Now, whatever could all of these Servants be doing here on a train, in the middle of the night, heading who knows where? Are you starting to remember?” I tried to remember and I could still see flashes here and there. I could see Mistress Eskiya and I remembered having some kind of conversation with her that required me to leave the estate for a while but I couldn’t conjure up the whole of the conversation. Every time I tried to see more, a sharp flash of pain lit up in my temples. A headache bloomed where the pain had sliced through my mind and all I could was shake my head at a waiting Vellian, somehow feeling like I’d grievously disappointed him.

“I’m going to have to take that gold star back y’know?” I wasn’t laughing. “Fine, fine, fine I’ll get to the point. Servants from all over the world have been sent on a … holy mission of sorts by their families. I, not having a family, am here at the behest of another for an outrageous amount of money. Got to make it worth my time and all. One way or another, we all ended up on this train heading … somewhere. And somehow that’ll fulfil the holy mission set out by your families. The details are … a little fuzzy …” Vellian frowned and scratched at his head for a second before looking back at my no doubt confused face.

“Yeah, I still don’t get it.”

“You never do. Even when you remembered why you were here you didn’t understand why we had to be here. The first time you were angry, then upset, and now you’re just,” he waved a hand across my face, “blank.”

“Angry? Upset?” It didn’t make sense. What had Mistress Eskiya sent me out to do? Why a train? And why weren’t we showing any signs of stopping?

“Don’t bother asking your next question.”

“Ho-“

“This isn’t our first rodeo, Kouta. Keep up. You always ask ‘when’s the next stop mister Vellian, sir’, and I always tell you the same thing.”

“Which is?”

“We don’t.”

“We don’t?!” The air in my lungs suddenly dissipated and my throat closed up with panic and fear. The train car didn’t seem to have any air left and my chest went into a spasm just trying to cram any kind of oxygen down my throat into my lungs. Chipped and cracked nails scratched at the worn tabletop between Vellian and I was certain my eyes were blown wider than when Vellian had been enjoying my pain earlier.

“Kouta!” Vellian hissed. “Get it together. You’ll cause a panic.”

“No! I am panicking! We’re on a train for some kind of mission and we’re not going to stop?! I didn’t sign up for this?!”

“I know.”

“You know?! What the hell is that supposed to mean?!” Vellian reached out and put a hand over the top of my own scrabbling ones; forcing my hands flat on the top.

“I will tell you why if you just calm down. Now.” Darkened discs stared deep into my very soul with their intensity and the panic ebbed from my body with every new, slower, deeper breath Vellian was forcing me to take. After a minute or so, he released my hands and sat back in his seat.

“The Eskiya family didn’t actually have a ticket for this particular excursion. Not every Servant got a ticket and the Eskiya’s felt, shall we say, snubbed that they didn’t receive a ticket for their precious Kouta Kotomine. So they hired me. Pactless Servants are allowed to come and go as we please due to our lack of a family. We don’t count. So, if you’re seen with me, they’ll hopefully assume that you too are pactless and you’ll be allowed to go forth and bring home whatever glory the Eskiya’s are seeking. Hence why I charged them extra to accompany you. I really should’ve charged more for the repeated explanations.” Another bout of panic threatened to burst forth from my chest but something in Vellian’s new calm and composed expression held it back; for now. I forced myself to swallow and fill my lungs fully before speaking again.

“So, no ticket, no mission, no glory and you guys are hoping to sneak me in? But then what? What is the mission? Why isn’t the train stopping?” I bit my own trembling lower lip.

“Well, I’m not wholly sure but Servants are supposed to serve their families in this realm and the next … so …”

“You don’t think the train is ever going to stop?” Vellian shrugged. An irritating tick of his.

“Every so often one of the stewards come around and take a ticket holder away with them. The train slows for a minute, but doesn’t stop, and then thunders on. When we first got here the entire car was full. I can only assume that at some point we’ll be escorted off and you can try and bring glory back to the Eskiya’s.” I thumped back into my seat, my aching back slamming against hard, unyielding wood, and I simply allowed myself to be jostled by the movement of the train. Vellian remained silent but staring and not another sound could be heard throughout the car.

My own family had sent me here for a holy mission and nothing could be more important to a Servant than fulfilling such a command for their family. So why was every nerve in my body screaming at me to get off of the train? I should want to carry out the will of my mistress and my family but sitting here and having Vellian calmly explain that we were on a train to nowhere had really set something alight in the pit of my stomach. Cowardice. Is this the feeling that pactless Servants walked around with all the time? They didn’t have to carry out their families orders. Vellian had spelled it out as plainly as could be. He was paid to be here and would be paid to do a million other things for various families. What would I get for carrying out this holy mission for the Eskiya’s? Would I even manage to escape this very train.

“Kouta. Look.” Vellian nodded off to a point behind me and I shuffled around to try and see what he was pointing to. A finely dressed woman in black and grey had come through into the train car and was scanning down the clipboard in her hand as well as the occupants of the train car.

“What is she do-“

“Shh. Just watch.” So I did. The woman strode down the car to the seats just a little bit behind us where a lone Servant sat looking out of the window. A tap on the shoulder turned him around and a wave of confusion flowed over the Servant’s face only to be replaced with … grim resignation. He held out his hand to the steward and I saw the mark that marred the back of it. A strange sigil marked in red that the steward looked over, checked against her clipboard, and nodded at before moving to allow the man to get up out of his seat.

“Viggo Riskevia, servant of the Malovich family in the west. Are you familiar?” I shook my head. The Malovich’s sounded familiar but not their Servant. He must be new. Perhaps that was why he was having trouble standing and following the steward without stumbling and fumbling every couple of steps.

“It’s time for his … mission?”

“Yes, Kouta, and soon it’ll be time for yours.” Just like Vellian had told me before, a minute or so after the doors shut behind the steward and Servant, the train slowed, coasted, and sped up again all within sixty seconds. Nothing else changed. No extra noises, no screeching of wheels, no outcry of something grim and terrible happening. Nothing. Like he’d been cast out into some kind of void.

“So he’s just … gone”

“Gone with the wind. Maybe never to be seen again. All in service to the Malovich family.” Vellian grinned. “Still feeling superior compared to this lowly pactless Servant?”

“Says the man also sitting on the train with me.”

“Ah, yes, but I’m getting paid to be here. Poor little Kouta gets to go home after this trip and hand over everything he gets to the Eskiya’s.”

“But … what do I get?”

“Now that, I truly don’t know. Once the steward comes for you I have no idea what happens. This isn’t a mission I’ve ever undertaken before.” The panic started to rise again but Vellian’s hand was there to settle my own agitated fidgeting.

“I’ve … I’ve never undertaken a mission for the Eskiya’s. I have no clue what’s going to happen Vellian!”

“Yeah, you mentioned that one last time. It’s the reason they probably didn’t get sent a ticket in the first place. They really must have some kind of crazy faith in you to send you on this train anyway. All of the other Servant’s here are veterans of their families.” Veterans. So that Viggo guy wasn’t stumbling from first time nerves but from having to face whatever the steward was calling him for. What chance did I have?

“I don’t know if I can do this. I’ve heard about holy missions before. They push a Servant to the very limits of their abilities and sanity. I don’t have enough experience. Surely?! Why they hell did the Eskiya’s send me if they didn’t get a ticket?!”

“Kouta, your fear … it’s … intoxicating.” The composure in Vellian’s eyes shifted in the moonlight and gave way to frenzy for a mere moment before reverting back to abyss like coolness. “Just … try and keep it under control while we’re waiting for the steward. You don’t want to work yourself up too much before your mission. You’ll exhaust yourself further.” My fingers trembled underneath Vellian’s but I managed not to let the panic overcome me too much. The last thing I wanted was to draw anyone else’s attention. Especially if the stewards were watching.

“What do I do?”

“You wait for your turn.” Vellian lightly traced one of his fingers across the back of my blank, ticketless hand. “And then we’ll see what mission your family have sent you on.”

“Us.”

“Huh?” Vellian’s finger stopped moving in his moment of confusion.

“The mission that they’ve sent us on. Aren’t you here to come with me?”

“Not on the mission. I’m just here to get you through the gate. Y’know, to add authenticity to your pretending to be a pactless Servant. You reek of family subservience. I truly have my work cut out for me.”

“So you’ll be staying on the train?”

“Right to the end of the line. No steward will be coming to check for my ticket after all.”

“But I thought the train never stopped?”

“It’s got to stop somewhere, Kouta. Nothing lasts forever.” He resumed tracing across the back of my hand with a feather light touched that managed to sufficiently calm both the smouldering flame in my stomach and the tightening panic in my chest. Had the Eskiya’s hired Vellian for more reasons than just getting me on the train? Did they predict my miniature meltdown and realise that they’d need to source a companion, lest I have a fully fledged breakdown in the middle of a mission? Their reputations were at stake after all.

“You think too much. I can practically hear all of the cogs in your head ticking and clicking as you try to make sense of it all.” I shot Vellian a withering look. “Don’t look at me like that, I was simply stating a fact. You’re far more emotional than any other Servant I’ve ever met. Its in your voice, it’s in your eyes, its practically in the air around us. Haven’t the Eskiya’s reigned in your emotional outbursts by now?” I ignored his jibes and looked to the window beside us; clearing a section of condensation with one finger.

Darkness speckled with the light of a sky full of stars and the vast light of the moon blanketed the world outside of the train. If anything could be seen outside, the train was rushing on down the tracks far too fast for my eyes to adjust. Somewhere out there was my home, the Eskiya estate, and somewhere out there was the location of the mission that they had sent me on. A mission I apparently wasn’t prepared for but I would be expected to carry out nonetheless. Why? Why would they do this to me? I wasn’t ready at all. I knew that deep down but I would have to obey no matter what. A Servant must obey every command to the letter be it in this realm or the next. I couldn’t leave even if I wanted to, which at this point, even with Vellian’s attempts at calming me, I wanted to do more than anything. If only I was pactless like him. Then I could get off of this damned train, somehow, without a worry.

“Kouta.”

“What?” I refused to turn and look back at the new luckiest man alive. In my eyes at least.

“Behind you.” I heard the sound of the train car doors sliding open and the slowly approaching footsteps of none other than the steward from before. My fingers wrapped their way around Vellian’s and refused to let go.

“What do I do?! What do I do?! She’s going to take me. You said it was almost time?!” Both of Vellian’s hands wrapped around my one trembling one.

“It’s going to be okay Kouta.” His eyes closed for a moment as he licked his lips once more and forced himself to swallow. “You’re panicking far too much. Everything is going to be fine. Just follow my lead.” The steward came over wordlessly and stared at the pair of us. Perhaps caught off guard by our clasped hands across the table and panic induced staring match.

“Gentlemen? Your tickets?” Vellian released my hands and turned to the steward; arm outstretched. It took a second, hardly, but a flicker of the light later and a sigil, like the one Viggo had, appeared across the back of Vellian’s hand.

“Kouta Kotomine. Last minute ticket,” the steward mused absentmindedly. She wasn’t even looking at me at this point. “It’s time for you to leave.”

“But, wait –“ I started, eyes wide and mouth gaping as Vellian rose to his feet and started to straighten his jacket.

“Oh, and your ticket, sir?” The steward turned to me. It was all I could do to shake my head with the same shocked expression on my face.

“Never mind him, miss, he’s just a pactless, helping to make sure I made it here okay. You know the type,” Vellian answered as smooth as you like. “He’ll calm down and relax once I’ve gotten off safely, I’m sure.” Vellian nodded, forcing me to respond with a nod of my own.

“Ah, I see. A pactless Servant with no ticket,” she tutted. “We’ll have to let you off once your ward has been sent on his mission. Don’t worry, the Eskiya family will be informed that their Servant is undertaking their mission.” She was trying to sound cheerful, I guess, but my mind couldn’t process anything she was saying. Vellian had a ticket and was pretending to be me? Why? Just because I was afraid? What did my fear mean to him? Just how ‘intoxicating’ had it been? Unfortunately I didn’t get to ask again as Vellian was led away by the steward towards the same door that Viggo went through. Off on the mission. Off on my mission.

“Vellian … what … what just happened?” Instead of waiting for the steward to return to let me off or whatever she was going to do, I let my head rest back against the seat in near defeat. Nothing but the movement of the train jostling my body registered in my mind. Vellian had been right, I was always thinking, or trying to at least, but when I’d been dreaming earlier, that had been quiet. Peaceful. Safe. Protecting me from the reality of a train that never stopped and a holy mission that I no longer remembered. Maybe, just for now, until the steward returned, I could retreat back into that space. A little nap just until they came and let me off the train. It’s not like I had a ticket that would let me stay like Vellian had. Maybe a nap would let my mind rest for a bit until I had to return to the Eskiya’s and try and put together what had happened to land me on this train. I’d need to be sharp for when I returned. Yeah, sleep would help…just for a minute or two…

The same soft thumping of the train going over tracks that had presumably lulled me into a slumber now stirred me from my restless dreaming and brought me back to the reality that sleep had tried to protect me from. The train. The soft light of the moon. The condensation coating the windows. The hushed conversation of other passengers. The man, sitting across the table from me, waiting for me to wake.

“Where-“ The man rolled his eyes the instant the word left my mouth.

“Seriously, Kouta? If this is going to happen every time then I’m going to have to start banning naptime.”