A selfish love

It was Monday, and Ana was in her bedroom looking at the view of the city from her green sofa. The day had begun with some texting from her friends about how excited they were for the wedding and how they wished the couple all the happiness they could possibly have together.

She smiled, thinking back to when she and Jack were just starting out their relationship. They were young, both still college students, but Ana was going to a prestigious university in London. After her graduation two years later, it would be Jack's turn to graduate with a degree in art history, and he was studying for his master's as well.

They met through common friends, and it was only after they matched on Tinder, they became inseparable. Their first date happened shortly after, sparks flying everywhere, and then things just seemed so right that they couldn't imagine a world without each other. How young and in love they were.

Nowadays, their lives are different.

Things changed between them after their amicable breakup three years into their relationship. It wasn't just that Ana had to move on to London to follow her career and Jack had to stay in Cambridge, but they both realized they love each other enough to know they both can't give the other person what they need. At least at that moment in their lives. So, they broke up, which hurt more than either of them expected, but at least it ended. Soon after, it proved to be the right decision, as they decided they still wanted each other in their lives, but as friends.

A friendship that overcame everything over the years, through each other breakups, career changes, family drama. They were there for each other. Some people would call them crazy, that they can't be friends as exes, but each time both of them would talk about each other, you could only see them smile, be supportive and respect each other so much.

And now here they are, ten years later, Jack was getting married to his fiance Hannah. Tomorrow she would travel to somewhere in Scotland, north of Edinburgh, for their wedding, to be there for Jack, for her best friend.

Ana looked at her phone again, seeing that Jack had sent her another text. She texted him back, saying it was okay if he needed something or didn't want her there because of their history.

"You know I would not want anyone else but you there next to me, Ana." his quick reply came back.

And that is all Ana needed to feel content about it. He indeed did mean it. Ana took a deep breath before heading to bed. The next day, she took an early flight and four hours later, she was there at the hotel where the wedding takes place. She couldn't stop feeling like somehow this was going to hurt but couldn't understand why. Maybe the feeling will fade by tomorrow, perhaps it won't, but she hopes that she has time to figure it out herself.

Ana walked into the lobby and saw Jack waiting outside in his suit. His hair was styled perfectly. Jack looked at her before walking over to her.

"Hi, Anastasia," he said, smiling.

"Hello, Jack," Ana responded while hugging him tightly.

They stayed like that for a few seconds before pulling away. Ana looked around to see a crowd gathered. People were standing at the side of the room talking to each other. Some were holding flowers, others were holding signs.

"I think we should go inside." Jack said.

"Yeah, let's do that." Ana replied.

They walked inside a room to the left of the main reception area and found themselves surrounded by his family.

"Hey, Ana!" his parents yelled.

"Hello, everyone!" Ana replied. His mother walked towards her and hugged her tightly.

"You look beautiful as always." she complimented.

"Thank you," Ana replied before being hugged by his dad. His father kissed Ana's cheek before letting go of her.

"It's really lovely to see you being here for our son, Ana."

Before Ana could reply, Jack asked if they could talk.

"Sure, Jack." Ana said. They walked outside the venue.

Jack turned to face Ana.

"So, how do you feel?" he asked.

"I don't know, but I am happy for you." Ana answered.

"Thanks kid. Now tell me what's bothering you." Jack said.

Ana bit her bottom lip. Jack was staring at her intensely, making her nervous. He noticed her biting her lip and cupped her cheeks in his hands. He leaned in slowly until their lips touched. It didn't take long until they pulled away from one another and looked at each other.

"I'm sorry." Jack whispered softly.

"No, no, don't apologize. You and I both know we can't do this. But I also can't lie that it felt nice." Ana replied.

"Really? We've been dancing around this for years." Jack said.

"Yes, but I know that you are happy, and I know that you love her too. You can't deny it, Jack. You're marrying her today, not me. " Ana said, placing her hand on top of Jack's and squeezing it lightly. Jack smiled at Ana before kissing her forehead.

"I love you, Ana. And I'm sorry I'm putting you in this position. I ... I want you." he said.

"I love you too, Jack, but it's not fair to Hannah for us to do this. She deserves much better. It's unfair cause I can't be your second option. I ... feel awful as you mean a lot to me, and if letting go of my love for you to be happy with her, I am always happy to keep being friends if this won't happen again. But if you do want this again, us again, it can't be because you might have wedding nerves, because you might panic. You know I'll always be in your corner." Ana replied.

Jack nodded and sighed deeply before replying.

"I know. I shouldn't have done it; I shouldn't have kissed you like that. But for the last two days, it's all been real since we arrived here. It all feels like something is missing. I hate myself for it, but I really pushed all my feelings down for you and taught I could love her the same or more. I tried every day to support her, to be there for her, but my true love will always be you." Jack replied.

"I get it, Jack. I love you too. That's why I'm saying this is a bad idea." Ana said. Slowly taking a step back.

"I'm sorry, but you will have to decide." Ana said, sighing.

Jack nodded. They stood in silence for a while longer before Ana decided she needed to leave. So she started walking to the door to go.

"Wait." Jack yelled. Ana stopped and turned around.

"Can you please wait for a few minutes?" Jack asked. He then approached Ana and grabbed her wrist gently.

"I'm going to fix everything now." Jack said, looking at Ana.

"What? What do you mean? Jack, what are you talking about?" Ana said.

"Please, stay and wait for me, Ana. I promise you that once I finish this I will fix everything. I can't marry Hannah. I can't do this to her, to me," Jack replied as tears started to fall down his cheeks.

"What are you talking about, Jack? What are you talking about?" Ana asked as tears started to form in her eyes too.

"I know I am very selfish right now, but I want you. I want us, our future, our house together, a family with you. I was an idiot ten years ago when I let go of our love; we were both younger. But if you want to give this a chance as badly as I do, just say yes right now." Jack said.

"I..." Ana began crying as well.

"Please. I can't lose you, Ana. I'm begging you." Jack said. Ana looked down. She knew he was right, but why right now? Why was this happening to her? Why did he had to wait till his wedding?

"Okay." Ana finally said.

"Yes!" Jack exclaimed happily before wrapping his arms around Ana and hugging her tight.

Then the chaos started. They returned to the room where his parents were, and Jack explained their story.

It was funny, Ana was thinking, as she sat down in the chair next to him, watching their hands interlocked, their story. She always gave up on any expectations for their love as she valued him as a man, an amazing, intelligent person, and respected him, but what he didn't know she always wanted him in her life even if she had to just be his close friend.

Not once did she cross any limits, but she learned that he was and always will be her true love throughout the years. Maybe that's why her other partners never worked. He was the missing link. But can she be selfish and ask him to choose her. She always taught she was never enough, but life had a big surprise for her this weekend. Maybe for once, she can have what she wants.

Oh, how she wished she could just hide from the world right now, but would it be that bad that she can choose him? Is she just naive that maybe he will not want her one day? As her internal battle with her own thoughts was happening, she looked at him and his family with teary eyes and prayed to him silently to not break her heart.