A Place Where She Can Love

She gathers, and clips, and brews and sings, and writes, and reads, and loves. She loves.

In her little house. On a mountainside. With her cattle, and her chickens and her children.

She is grateful. They are safe.

They are living. In peace. Every day is a good day.

They have connected tremendously, as a unit, Nazlyn and her 3 children. They were always close. Very spiritual and connected on a soul level. And Chad, the love of her life. Her soul mate. Protector. He provided and cared for her and their beautiful children. He loved them. More than anything. He kept them safe.

And now she kept them safe.

She has it. Under the fear lies a big amount of strength. She uses it when she has to. But she hates having too.

The tax collectors have been coming twice a month now. She gets more and more nervous each time. You can tell that things are getting really rough in the town square by the declining stature of the collectors. Their faces more gaunt each time. Chad did such a brilliant job setting them up in the woods. The collector's only recently found them because their rooster got loose and wandered close to a main road and caught the attention of one of them.

Every night she prays. She calls on Chad to keep them safe. Just how bad is it out there? Should she wander closer to town and see how things are? Should she be considering moving the family deeper into the woods? Why does this have to lie on her shoulders.

Somehow that night, she fell asleep, But Liam did not. Like usual, Liam's thoughts had linked up to Nazlyn's. He too, was curious how things were coming along in the last town.

Liam packed a few of Nazlyn's fresh baked buns into a backpack along with his throwing knives that he had found on a dead tax collector a few nights back during one of his midnight sneak out adventures.

This time though, the clink of the metal blades woke up Seth and Linley.

"Where are you going Liam!? It's not safe!" said Linley.

"Don't worry about it, go back to bed" Liam responded.

"I'm coming too" said Seth.

"Fine. You guys can come. We have to go see how bad things are getting closer to town. I think we might need to move deeper into the mountains. I think it's time.

Seth ran to his bed and grabbed his sling shot, his water tin and a muffin with a bite taken out of it that he had started and then forgotten about earlier. He threw his pack over his shoulder and ran out to meet Liam.

Linley snuck quietly to her bed which was right beside Mom's. But she knew - when mom finally did fall asleep, she was out. She paused for a moment to look at Mom. She was tired. Linley wished she could do more, but really, what more could be done? This is just life now. As weird and horrible as it was that this was the actual reality of their life - when just 4 short years ago she was going to grade 1 every morning with her friends and walking home to mom's fresh cookies - it is. And that is something they have all just been forced to come to terms with.

But for Linley, that wasn't the hard part. The hard part for her, was losing Chad. She loves her mom, more than anything. But her dad was just special to her. They had something. This silent, unspoken bond. That security that brought about the comfort and confidence needed to take on life. But now? Now what. Now nothing. Now she makes sure to not do anything that will add more worry to mom. And she prays every night for some miracle to occur. For some lost land to appear where there are others like them, who live in these secret little farms in the mountains, and who barely get by, but who find these little slivers of joy to keep them sane enough to keep getting by.

She reached under her pillow and grabbed her locket. The one material thing she cares about. It's all she has left of him and her together. She placed the locket around her neck, pulled her hair up and through the chain, tossed a jacket over top, and headed out to meet her brothers. Adventure awaited!

As much as there was fear between the three of them as they ventured out into the cold nights air, there was a predominant sense of adrenaline that overtook it.

As they drew closer to town, the stench met their noses with a ferocity that they had never before experienced. What could it be from? Did they even want to know?

Distant screams sent violent chills down their spines. Their walk slowed.

This was not the first time these three had taken off on a journey through the woods and met with themselves a little bit of danger. And thus far they had managed quite successfully to return home in one piece. They worked together really well.

But this was the first time they had ventured this close to what one could hardly call a town. The closer they drew, the louder the screams, the more potent the stench.

Linley crouched down and signalled with her hand for the boys to do the same. A dog ran by, so skinny you could count every rib and bone in his body. Followed by 2 big men. Skinny from lack of food, but still big in size. And angry looking.

One of the men mumbled to the other, “I think they’re trading 4 eggs for a dog.” "Ya," said the other man, “but I think they’re trading 4 chickens for a child". "Hahaha.”They both laughed and stumbled on in the direction of the dog.

Liam, Seth and Linley looked at each other - no one spoke, except their eyes. And fear was the topic of conversation.

They came up to the forest edge. The farthest point before they lost the safety of the forest cover and they entered town perimeters.

The sight that lay before their eyes was worse than anything they had ever seen or imagined. Even worse? The sounds. They had now just heard for themselves, the sheer sound of terror and pain.

Seth and Linley slowly crept backwards and made their way back into the comfort of the woods. Liam watched on, knowing full well that he would never un-see what his eyes were absorbing, and then he turned to meet up with his siblings.

Feeling a false sense of security amidst the trees, Seth allowed his voice to raise and started talking about the sight they had just met with. Liam whispered aggressively at him to keep his voice down. But it was too late. The two men that they had seen earlier heard them and started off in their direction.

Their stomachs dropped and their hearts raced as Liam, Seth and Linley turned and ran with full force deeper into the woods. To their benefit, they knew these woods like the back of their hands and could communicate to each other almost effortlessly and without barely making a sound or eye contact. "Soul talk", mom called it.

They could hear some commotion far off and the men took off in the opposite direction in search of the noise. Liam, Seth and Linley leaned over the edge of the tree branches they were using as cover, stretching their eyes to see what the men went off after, and all of a sudden a push came from behind sending all three out of the tree and onto their backs on the hard, cold ground beneath them. Aching and confused, the three kids looked up to see what pushed them.

And there she stood.

Mom.

"Really Mom?! We had this!!" Said Seth.

"Ya Mom, you never trust us!" yelled Linley.

Liam looked on, knowing he would take most of the heat being the oldest.

This time was different though, thought Seth. This time Mom had a weird, almost....happy, look on her face. Her eyes had a tiny bit of a twinkle that used to grace her heart before Dad was taken.

Liam noticed it too. "Are you mad mom?" asked Liam.

"Yes, but there are far more important things on the agenda. Hurry and follow me!!"

All three kids did exactly as told and followed mom home. She already had their travel bag packed and what little they had was packed up and away.

"Mom?" Asked Seth. "What are we doing?!"

"I'm not exactly sure" said mom. "But I had a dream. And your Dad, well, a Deer, well a blue Steed, and I don't use that word..Steed...is that a word even? For a male deer? Well, he was magical and strong, and wise. And he knew. And I knew. And he told me to wake up, and pack up, and head a certain direction into the forest. And that when I saw an owl, I would know I was close. Ok, please you guys, just trust me. Let's do this ok? Hayes family adventure. Again. One last time? Maybe.....?"

The kids half laughed...but they all new, this was life now. And that this day was dawning, and at least mom felt she had some sort of plan, whether it was all in her head or not.

They wandered back into the forest, this time in the opposite direction of town.

Mom and Liam walked a few lengths ahead of Seth and Linley. They legged behind making sure mom was well aware of their annoyance over another random and quick move.

"So how close to town did you get?" Mom asked Liam.

"Too close." Liam answered.

"Ya, I know bud. It's messed up hey? I'm sorry you saw that."

"You have?" Asked Liam.

"Ya, theres a few things I haven't shared with you. But those stories are for a night where we are safe. Sitting around a fire. With others. And fear is distant. And love is what is near and within and around."

"Ya," was all Liam said.

Mom stopped suddenly. "Get down!!" Everyone dropped.

Linley's stomach fell into knots. What if it was those 2 men? Oh my gosh, we are going to die. Oh please Dad, where are you, I'm so scared.

Just then Seth peered up over the bush they were using as protection. "Mom!" he exclaimed. "Look!"

Together, they all laid eyes on the most beautiful and magnificant sight.

Sitting before them, gently flapping it's wings to a close, perched a bright turquoise owl. With the most luminescent and divine blue eyes.

They all knew, without saying, whose eyes they were really looking into.

They also all knew, that they were walking exactly where they were meant to.

The owl.

Dad.

Their faith renewed, as the owl ever so gracefully but with the most fervent power and stride rose back off into the tips of the forest trees, they headed onward.

Not too far along the path came a clearing. Still radiating the love and energy they all received from their visit with the angelic owl, they softly strode into the clearing.

A town. A community. Happiness. People, families. Beautiful gardens, cattle, joy. The sounds, smells, sights of joy.

Liam and Seth and Linley had no time for thought as they wandered eagerly into this beautiful and homey place. They were instantly greeted and swept into loving energy.

Mom stayed back, intuition already telling her they were in a safe and caring place.

Safe.

For how long? A night? A year? A lifetime?

That is the one thing that she has come to know is for certain in this life - the unknown. And searching for ways to flow with it.

And finding, in that flow, continual ways to give love. And this, for now, amidst the chaos and uncertainty, was a place where she could do just that.

A place where she can love.

By, Nazlyn Rae Hayes