A Piece of My Heart

“Mommy, look, what I can do.” I watched my baby girl try to stand on her hands. I giggled as she attempted her feat many times, toppling her over with each try. Those cute lips frowned deeply at me. I swept her up into my arms and lined her face with loving kisses. This child was my heart.

She lost her daddy two years ago in a hunting accident. It was nothing natural like deer or turkey hunting. No, he was scavenging for food. Since the Third War crisis, our world had changed, and then famine and disease decreed their sovereignty over the land and its inhabitants.

A low reverberating cough grumbled from her chest. She was sick and getting worse every day. I needed to find food and medicine for her, but I noticed a cavalcade of people scavenging about our area on my last rummage. “Mommy, my cough hurts my chest. My heart feels funny.” I held her tightly. I was so afraid, but I didn’t dare let her see the fear of losing her in my eyes.

“Don’t you worry, my little heart. Mommy is going to find you some medicine and make you feel all better.” I rubbed my nose against hers, and she gave me the sweetest smile. Another dreadful coughing fit racked her little body, causing her to wince in pain. I heard the wheezing of her next several breaths. I fought to keep my tears at bay. I kissed her and then laid her down on the blanket that covered the dirt floor. She closed her eyes. The cough made her weak and tired.

I peered out of the windowless hole of the shack. I hadn’t seen much movement going on lately. I decided that now was the time to try my hunting skills again. There was a small town roughly an hour or so away. I remember seeing the dilapidated drug store there. I’m praying that it hasn’t been stripped of everything. I won’t know unless I try. My little heart was lying still and fast asleep. I could hear the wheezing from each breath. I kissed my baby and covered the hole before leaving. I carried a small knapsack with me.

It was dusk, and I journeyed quietly, being watchful of every movement around me. By the time I had reached the war-torn town, I was enveloped in the darkness of night. I could see the building. I didn’t notice any movement or lights about. I progressed forward and finally reached inside. I wouldn’t dare use any light for fear of being seen. Luckily, the moon was my friend, shining its delicate glow just enough for me to discern what I was looking for.

God be praised! I found a couple cans of tuna, and in the back, I found one small vial of penicillin lying on the rotted floor. My hands sought all over for a syringe. My frustration was growing. Inside a small drawer, I located three syringes, and my fingers latched onto a small gold heart-shaped locket. My heart soared at my good fortune. As I peered at the locket, I smiled. The heart-shaped necklace reminded me of my baby waiting for me. I always called her my heart because she was. She would love this as a present. I felt the tears stream down my cheeks as I let myself feel hopeful for the first time since my baby became ill. I threw my loot in the knapsack and started my trek back to my baby.

I was able to move faster in the darkness. As I started to near the tiny wooden shack, I froze. There was a small group of people surrounding it. I could hear my baby screaming for me. I panicked and ran straight for her. There were four men, and they moved to allow me inside. My little heart ran to my open arms, and I looked up and saw a man sneering at us.

I looked up at him pleadingly. “Please, don’t hurt us. I don’t have much. You can have what’s in my knapsack. Please, just leave the penicillin and syringes for my baby. She’s sick and needs them desperately.” I could see that this denigrating and withering life left him cynical and soulless. His jeer at my words made me sick with fear. I knew he would take the medicine from us.

“How dare you demand anything from me!” He took his boot and kicked me onto my back. My baby girl howled with fear, and I could hear her struggle for each breath. Her wheeziness caught the man’s attention. However, it did not stir within him the compassion to leave her the medicine. He grabbed my knapsack, and they left us, at least alive.

I cried as I held my little heart close to my chest. My soul cried out for God to have mercy. My baby needed healing because there was no chance of finding more medicine in time to save her. I rocked my small, sweet baby in my arms through much of the night while praying. I held her tightly as she cried, leaving her more breathless with each moment we spent together. The moon’s beams flashed across something on the dirt floor, glinting and capturing my attention. It was that heart-shaped locket. I scrambled over to pick it up. My heart was breaking knowing that my and my daughter’s time was shortening. I tried to smile reassuringly through my trembling lips. “Look, baby, look what mommy found for you.”

Her pale, dull little eyes stared at it. Her tiny hand shook but clenched the locket, and she placed it against her heart. “I’m your little heart, aren’t I mommy?” I smiled, even though my heart was shattering.

“Yes, baby, you are and always will be mommy’s little heart.” Her grayish lips parted in a weak smile, and then my heart was torn away from me. I continued to hold her tiny, lifeless body in my arms for hours. My soul shattered with growing hate! They took my baby’s medicine, and they killed her! I vowed revenge and was willing to make a deal with the devil to get it.

I removed the locket from her cold hands and placed it inside the pocket close to my heart. In my mind, I could hear her tiny voice saying to me, “I’m your little heart, aren’t I, mommy. I’ll be with you always.” I placed a tender kiss upon her icy cheek and gently closed her lids to sleep until mommy could be reunited with her once more. I wrapped her lifeless body in her blanket, creating her shroud as I had no other way to honor her small body in death. I spared one last lingering look at my heart before walking away towards the beginning of my end.

They had two hours on me. I didn’t want to give them any more time to escape my vengeance. I walked for hours following their trail when finally I could hear the roar of the ocean and the blaze of a fire roaring. I counted as best as I could. There was a total of eleven people in their group. Many of then were in their tents sleeping. I found cans of gasoline that they had been hoarding, and I quietly soaked everything of theirs that I could. Only three people were left sitting around the fire, one of them the fiend that murdered my child.

“I’m your little heart, mommy. Aren’t I?” Her sweet little words echoed in my head as I was determining how to exact my revenge.

I watched the three men saunter towards the ocean’s edge, talking to one another. I crept silently to the fire, and pulled a log out, and slid the flames against each tent. The flames grew hot and soaring within minutes. The wind had ignited a firestorm. Howls of pain pierced the darkness, and my soul rejoiced in their suffering.

The three men came running towards the camp. I looked frantically around for a weapon to protect me. The devil bestowed an iron rod that they had been using to stoke the fire. I took the cursed object and stabbed the monstrous man who sentenced my heart to her death. I relished the idea that I murdered my child’s killer. My soul could find peace now.

The other two men pushed me to the ground, and I felt a sharp object pierce my heart. My breath caught in my throat, and the pain pierced my body. One of the men kicked my side, and then they dashed away from me. My head turns to look at the ocean’s waves. I saw my baby girl smiling and waving me to come to her. I garnered all of my strength to drag my body towards her. I heard her laugh. “I’m your little heart, aren’t I, mommy? I’ll be with you always. Come play with me, mommy. I miss you.”

I smiled at her. I could feel my body turning cold and weak, but I continued to pull myself forward. I sat before my little heart, and my head tilted into her tiny outstretched hand. “I’ve missed you, my little heart.”

She giggled at me. “Come with me mommy. I want to be with you forever.” I followed her into the water because I knew that peace with her was waiting for me there.

The waves tossed us around as we played together, and I felt my body slowly sinking deeper into the depths. I smiled at her, feeling the love for her penetrating my soul. I watched the locket float out of my pocket and levitate above me, riding the waves. My little heart and I watched it vanish into the darkness.

I felt her little hand turn my head towards her angelic face. “I’m still your little heart, aren’t I, mommy?”

“Yes, baby. Always and forever.”

Our hands joined together as I watched her hair drift around her with the motion of the tide. She started to twirl us around, singing “Ring Around the Rosie.” I rejoiced, knowing that within the depths of my watery grave, my little heart and I would remain together always and forever.