A Knock At The Door...

It was Mid-Summer and the night was warm.

I had my windows and doors all open to cool down my home.

I had seen headlights pull into the driveway.

I began thinking to myself… who could it be at 2 in the morning.

I heard the car doors slam shut.

The first one then the second.

Then all of a sudden came that unwelcomed knock at the door.

I was so content just lying on my couch watching TV.

I was in my own little bubble enjoying time to myself with absolutely no drama.

I reluctantly got up, and walked to the door.

To my surprise, who showed up standing there on my back porch.

It was none other than my past.

He walked in with a bit of a smile as if not a day had gone by.

Stuck on a lingering memory that he had held onto too tightly.

Afraid of ever letting it go, for it might not ever come back.

It had been a summer of many attempts from my past trying to creep back in.

None I wanted to bring myself back to or try to rekindle.

The flames had all now died down without even the tiniest spark or even a smolder.

No scorched earth or remnant of what once was built there.

No ruins left in the dust, no emotion of a love once lost.

What some seem to grasp onto for dear life is the vivid memories of something they once had...

Memories of better times.

But what no one could fathom or understand.

I had changed.

My life, challenge after challenge, and battle after battle.

I didn't have it in me anymore.

The love, the hope, the niceties were now lost on me.

The world had crushed my soul, and now I was in this state of transformation.

Identity lost, titles stripped, a body wounded, and a mind scarred.

I was no longer who I once was.

So I did the only thing I could do.

I took one last look, and then one final deep breath.

I shut my eyes, and said goodbye to my past as I slammed the door.

Days went by and attempt after attempt my past tried to break in.

Night after night a new knocking on the door to my heart whispering so sweetly please let me in.

Trying so desperately to break through.

If it were not from the lessons I had learned throughout the years.

I may not have been so prepared to leave it all behind.

A dream I once had of finding that special someone to build a life with.

Just to have a harsh grim reality slam me back and forth until it gave me whiplash.

A heart broken, a thought of finding true love destroyed.

So I did what any single mom could do.

I gave up on the thought of finding love and happiness.

I painted the slightest smile on my face and hid my heart deep down inside.

I gave all of me and the love I had to my two boys.

And now they are both grown, and I am finally old.

I see myself searching for a new love… one that makes me feel at home.

A love that only I can feel.

One to feed my soul.

A love of self, faith, hope, and courage to know this is not the end of my story.

It is just the end of my past.

Self doubt, worry, and never feeling good enough.

When I gaze into the mirror I want a glimpse into a world re-imagined, into what is the unknown… I call it my parallel universe.