A Desert Tale

Is somebody watching me again?

My shoulder blades draw together, and sweat slides down the back of my neck. I want to twist in my seat, uncomfortable in my body. Teeth clenched, I force myself to sit still. I feel exposed, camped out here in my car, naked.

There's nobody watching you, Tracey, I tell myself. Stop this.

Breathe in, breathe out.

I'm parked on a suburban avenue, at 3pm. I'm fine. I close my eyes, and lean my head back against the cracked headrest. I will my heart rate to slow, my breathing to deepen.

I get lost.

A violent burst of disgustingly hot air breaks me from my reverie. It’s so dry it hurts. I blink rapidly, returning to reality unpleasantly fast, as a dark shape slumps into my car. “Can we get the hell out of here?” Jade slams the door behind her so hard the frame shakes.

“Ho-" I start.

“Don’t,” she pulls his hood up over her head, and slumps back into the seat, “just drive.”

I regard my sister for a moment, and she refuses to meet my eyes. Arms crossed, she glares out of the cracked window. Right, pub it is then. I pull into the street and steer us northwards.

“I need a drink.”

“I know, we’re going.”

“Good.”

In the silence that follows I chew over the questions I can’t bring myself to ask. I know better than to ask, Jade will speak when she’s ready. Never ask before she’s ready to talk. From time to time, I glance sideways at her out of my peripherals. She remains slumped against my car door, staring listlessly out the window.

Well, shit.

Seated in the pub, Jade’s moody silence drags on. Wordlessly, she throws back two, three, then four drinks. I nurse my one glass of bitters, waiting.

“Three years,” Jade whispers. She rips apart a Coopers coaster. “Three bloody years, just gone!”

“What happened?”

“She said we’re just too different.” The coaster is in tatters beneath her clenched, white knuckles. “Like, what? Too different? What does that even mean? We’ve been together three years!”

Sh angrily sweeps an arm across the tabletop, littering the floor beneath us with soggy, crumbled pieces of Coopers coasters.

Her raised voice attracts a glare from the barkeep, and the bored bouncer. They both glare at us. Jade continues, unaware of the attention on her. “Like what the hell? Who spends three years with someone, and then suddenly decides we’re too different?!”

Her voice cracks, and something in my chest does too. “We talked about having a family, for real.”

There’s nothing I can say to take away her pain, and I hate it.

“Can I get you another drink?”

She just glares at me. Right. I slide off my stool, and hurry across to the bar. I return carrying the largest glass the bartender could give me. Jade’s eyes are red-rimmed, her mouth a thin-set, hard line. She throws back the beer, trails of foam streaking down the sides of her mouth. Her eyes are squeezed shut, but I see one lone tear steal down her cheek.

“What do you want to do?” I ask tentatively.

My sister slumps forwards, head cradled in her folded arms. Across the pub, the bouncer eyes us balefully.

“Let’s get out of here, I can’t be in this place.”

The bouncer angles himself towards us. I’m torn between wanting to give Jade my full attention, and trying to prevent us from getting kicked out of the bar.

I nudge my drink across the bar table to her. “Ok, ok. Where do you want to go?”

Jade shoves my non-alcoholic beverage right back at me. “Anywhere out of this goddamn town, I just don’t want to see her.”

There’s literally nothing around this goddamn town for over 400 kilometers. We’re surrounded by endless bush and desert, and very little else. My car won’t make a 400km drive to the next town in this heat. There’s only one way to get out of town for a few days, and dear god, I hate it. I can feel my insides sink.

“Shall we go up to the old cattle station?”

I cannot believe I just said those words. Without my permission, my mouth keeps going. “We could go stay there for a few days, camp out. I can take time off work.”

For fuck’s sake, why did I just say that?

Jade’s eyes focus for the first time since we got to the pub. She sits up, staring at me. Slowly, a grin curls across his face. “You mean it?”

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. “You're my sister, of course.”

"You hate that place."

"Yeah, it's creepy."

She regards me, and the red around her eyes seals the deal.

"But you love the place, let's go."

“Hell yes!”

Jade prances off to buy another drink, and I watch the condensation run down the side of my glass. A pale green hand rolled cigarette smoulders by my foot. Deep in the pit of my stomach, something gnaws at me.

The sweat on my neck runs cool.

******

The next afternoon, my car is shuddering up a long, twisted dirt road to the cattle station. Jade sits beside me, hands clasped around yet another cider. Kipto, my 12 year old lab, is fast asleep, stretched across the back seat.

“This is going to be so good,” Jade nods from the passenger seat. “Getting out of town, back to our old favourite spot, this is how it's done.”

Despite the heat, despite the fact I loathe camping, I can’t help but smile. Jade looks light years better than she did yesterday. This makes it worth it.

An hour later, we park by the old cattle station. Calling it a station is generous really, it’s a small, rickety wooden shack sat behind an old cattle pen. It hasn’t been used by cattle herders in decades, it's more of a local spot teenagers sneak off to, to try their first beers. Jade and I spent many a dubious Friday evening here during high school, chugging back cheap beers and feeling like the most rebellious youths ever. This was our little secret from our parents. Despite the deep unsease in my stomach at being back here, the memories are good.

“You’re smiling!” Jade exclaims, as she unloads the car. She punches me softly in the arm, “knew this was a good idea!”

Jury’s still out on that one.

As Jade bounces over the rickety wooden porch and flings open the cabin door, I pause. I stare at the small square building, with its two glass windows staring out at us like hollow eyes.

That familiar shudder runs up my arms, neck, and spreads across my skull. My breath leaves my body in one huge whoosh.

Jade pokes her head out of the open door, "Hurry up," she calls,"I wanna unpack and go swimming!"

Shake it off, girl. Shake it the hell off.

You're such a big baby.

We spend the afternoon setting up our fire pit, and our camp, two swag bags nestled on the least dirty part of the station floor. Kipto jumps around, and darts off into the undergrowth, yapping with excitement. As the sun sets we jump in the rock pool near the cattle station, and paddle around in the murky water. As we pass the hours in the dusty settings, I can see Jade's face slowly relax. The pain of the breakup seems less potent, less haunting. I feel myself slowly ease into the surroundings.

As the moon rises we settle into our camping chairs on the front porch, a tired out Kipto at our feet. My head feels woozy, pleasant. From across the deck Jade grins widely, and I know she feels the same. I’ve lost count of the number of ciders we’ve both consumed. I kick the esky by our feet, and am satisfied by the loud, full-sounding thunk I hear.

Being tipsy is a lot better than being on edge all the time.

Jade tosses a stone into the dirt. “Can you believe you used to think this place was haunted?”

My stomach twists. “I did not.”

“Mate, you so did.”

I black out the memories with logic, “wouldn’t have spent so much time up here if we did,” I lie.

I often hide behind logic.

“Ah man, that was half the fun!” Jade’s teeth gleam. I chuck her another beer. I raise mine in mocking toast, “to embracing our fears!”

Jade chuckles, raising her beer too. "And to freedom!" She smiles bravely, a light of determination in her eyes. My heart feels full for her. From the floor, Kipto thumps his tail against the creaking wood.

We stumble into our sleeping bags a few hours later, the ciders pulling us down deep. I dream strange dreams of shapes, lights, and a prickle across my shoulders.

Hours later, a low growl wakes me. I poke my head out of my swag and peer for my dog through blearly, sleep-filled eyes. “Kipto?” I call softly.

I can barely see anything, but finally, I spot him through the darkness. Hackles raised, Kipto is planted by the shack door. Bared teeth glint, dripping saliva. Aggression and fear radiates from him.

My heart leaps into my throat so fast I nearly choke. Kipto isn’t ever a growler, or aggressive. Something’s wrong.

I reach over to shake my sister, “Jade, wake up, wake up!”

Oblivious to the world after two days of hard drinking, Jade rolls over. I shake her harder, but it’s useless. By the door, Kipto’s growl has risen to a snarl; deep, throaty, territorial. The sound rips through me

I’ve never heard him make that sound. I look back at Jade’s back, as she slumbers on. That gnawing feeling burrows deep in my gut. I feel sick.

I hate it, but I can’t bring myself to get up. I can't bring myself to leave the satefy of my sleeping bag. I can't move. I remain huddled on the floor, and stare at Kipto a little longer. The minutes seem to drag on endlessly, but eventually, his snarl seems to lower a notch. He remains standing, teeth bared, but the rippling aggression seems to fade.

My heart rate slowly decreases.

A wild animal, maybe?

Definitely a wild animal. I mean, we’re in the bush.

Unease still curling in my belly, I lay back down in my swag. I keep my eyes fixed on Kipto’s still form, until sleep drags me under. I dream uneasy dreams of dark shadows and glowing circular embers burning, burning, burning.

The next day I wake before Jade. I stretch and frown, my body feels tense and unfamiliar. Then I remember, and I sit bolt upright. Kipto is asleep on the dirt floor, still by the door. One ear remains cocked, but his face is peaceful, resting.

I pad across the shack to the front door, and cautiously push it open, peering outside. The cattle pen is empty, and the surrounding bush looks exactly how it should. I feel a little foolish. One mention of a ghost story and I lose my nerve. Whistling for Kipto, I step off the deck and head across to the fire pit we built last night.

I zone out, waiting for the kettle to boil. Only once the steam clouds thick into the air do I break out of my daydream. “Is that coffee?” Jade shouts from the shack.

“Come find out,” I yell back. I reach forward, and suddenly, I stop. Nestled by the rocks surrounding our fire pit, sits the burnt out end of a cigarette. Slowly, I lower my arm. The cigarette looks hand rolled. The end is a circular ember.

The paper is a familiar shade of pale green.

Was it there last night? I struggle to remember, cursing the number of ciders I’d consumed. It could have been there before we arrived, right? It probably was. Hand rolled cigs are so much cheaper than store-bought, it was probably left over from one of the groups of teenagers.

The back of my neck prickles.

Stop it, it’s nothing.

The sound of heavy footsteps on wood draws my attention back to the snack. I start upwards, and then curse at the splash of hot water on my shoes.

I whip around, but it's just Jade, as she stumbles out on to the deck. One look at her bleary, pale, hungover face has me in stitches, forgetting all about the cigarette.

"Coffee? Or hair of the dog?" I shout up at her.

"Both," she groans back at me. "Hit me with both!"

Sunshine chases away the shadows in my mind, and I pour a double shot into her coffee. "Drink up, buttercup," I tease, "we've got a long day of nothing ahead of us."

"Just my kinda day," my sister sighs. "This trip was the best idea."

I shove down the gnawing inside me, and bury it deep. I will not ruin this for her.

Kipto is snarling again. It’s a brutal, ugly sound and it pulls me from my deep sleep instantly. Cold settles into the pit of my stomach, as I find him by the door again, hackles raised, fangs bared.

Kipto’s snarl rips through the air, and he begins to bark, a frantic, warning, territorial sound that almost stops my heart. Jade starts awake besides me.

“What the….?” She stumbles out of her swag. “Dude, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know, Kipto did this last night,” I stand up.

“Last night? What the fuck?” Jade stares at the door. “What is it?”

“Wild animal?” I offer weakly. “We are in the bush.” What previously sounded like solid logic now falls flat to my ears.

Kipto is frantic now, he slams his entire body into the door. His eyes are manic.

Jade scrambles to her feet, and yanks me up as well. My body feels disjointed, locked in place. Like it's reluctant to move.

“This is not ok,” Jade hisses. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Are you insane?” I snap, “I’m not opening that door!”

Jade shoves me aside, “The lock on this door is shit," she hisses. "So get your keys, we’re going!”

Jade hauls me with her and she strides along the floor. I wildly grab for my keys, and trip as she pulls me along. My heart is pounding. My knees are weak. Everything within me is screaming to keep the door shut.

"Jade, Jade let's stay in here," I try to reason, as she fiddles with the door lock, "please, the noise went away last night- and we were fine!"

"Shut up," Jade snarls. "This is not fine, Kipto does not get freaked out like this! You know that!"

I have no response, as she rips the door right open. Kipto is gone, a streak of gold into the night, barking and snarling and howling.

No!

“Kipto!” I yell, “Come back!” I start after him, but Jade grabs me roughly by the collar.

“Car, now!”

“I’m not leaving him!”

“Get in the goddamn car, and drive!” Jade opens the door and shoves me inside. “Kipto will be fine!”

And now I’m mad, furious. “We’re here because of you,” I snarl, “you’re the reason my dog is gone, and I’m going after him!” I lock the car doors, barricading myself in and Jade out. She thumps on the car frame, angry.

"You're being ridiculous, let me in!" She screams.

"I'm going after my dog," I snarl back at her.

I turn the key in the ignition and reach to release the handbrake, and then I go cold. Nestled into the passenger seat, still lit, lies a single hand-rolled cigarette. Even in this dim light I can see that it's pale green.

Then suddenly Jade is shouting, but I don’t know what he’s saying, as something hard smashes into the back of my head, and the world goes black.