283 It Finally Happened

And so human civilization so changed the Earth such that climate change became the least of its worries. The magma slurry at Earth's center, rumored to be the site of the mythical Hell, slowed. Earth's core cooled.

The scientifically named "Calder-Colder-Cauldron" effect saw the core reach temperatures begetting sub-mantle coalescence with radiating progression of tepidity imbuing the entire hellscape with an exothermic defervescence.

The result: Hell froze over.

Earth forecast, October 9, 2024:

• Hurricane Milton comes ashore in the Tampa Bay area as a Category 3 storm.
• The southwestern United States will experience an unprecedented zoological sea change in which bears do not shit in the woods.
• The Pope will no longer be Catholic, citing his embrace of Scientology.
• The core inert, the van Allen belt is expected to dissipate, requiring strengthening sun block potency by orders of magnitude.
• Hell, reeling from this extreme whether event, expects 10 to 15 feet of snow on its upper levels; lower levels are expected to have falling temperatures well into the balmy range. With Hell freezing over in most areas, and it being at least "a cold day in Hell" in the rest of Perdition, other historic corollary events are predicted:

--Politicians begin telling the truth.

--NRA members allow their guns to be pried away from their cold, dead fingers.

--Public taste improves.

--Journalists will become fair and objective.

--Republicans will each start to drive a Prius.

--Democrats will each give up their first round draft choice of Supreme Court Justice to those Prius-driving Republicans.

--British tabloids will lay off their paparazzi.

--Putin will think, My God! What have I done!

--Women will be treated equally, like men, in every country and religion.

--Peace in the Middle East.

--Temporary taxes will not go on to become permanent taxes; also, taxes will be lower.

On a personal note, while this list goes on and on, I note well the item on the list applying to me:

• My college crush in Freshman year, the voluptuous Shawna Celestre, will let me have sex with her and her sexy girlfriend.

And now that Hell has frozen over, she did. And they did. And I did. I just wish I could remember it! Hell!

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AUTHOR'S NOTES:

For Wednesday, October 9, Day 283 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge

366 WORDS (without A/N)

ABOUT THE STORY

Thanks to Cindy Calder for planting this seed of an idea. Is it me, or is it getting cold in here?

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83 DAYS TO GO! THIS CHALLENGE ACCUMULATES ON, 366 FLAKES A DAY.

There are currently three chill Vocal writers in this snow-white text 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:

• L.C. Schäfer (Frosty)

• Rachel Deeming (Chilly)

• Gerard DiLeo (Icy)