215 Life and Times of Thomas Meddlesome

There are many unsung heroes lost to history and never appreciated in their lifetimes. Take one Thomas Conclave Meddlesome. Dropped off at a circus tent on its final night in Peoria, he was raised by fire-eaters.

He had no interest, however, in incendiary indigestibles. Instead, he had a penchant for scatology, especially the prurient.

As Thomas matured, as did his manure, he progressed to dirty daguerreotypes of Venetian "canal girls" and gonzo gondola debaucheries.

Tiring of the silver iodide taste, he patented his own display apparatus, the revolutionary pornograph.

Pornographs would've been a big hit had pornography been actually invented. So, Thomas went emotionally bankrupt, including moral exhaustion, squandering an abundance of caution. His fall from Grace--a 6-foot-11-inch woman of ill-repute--broke his back. Since, he became a self-didact, translating ancient manuscripts written in cuneiform scatoglyphics.

From that he derived whole new declensions and other grammatical inventions. For example, the two major voices in English, the passive and the active voice, he felt, were wanting. He discovered the "passive-aggressive" voice. He also added to English's moods, e.g., indicative, subjunctive, etc., adding the "bad" mood; many linguists now ask why it hadn't been offered before.

Thomas Meddlesome enjoyed no great success with anything. And this brought him back to the circus, where his parents had to retire from fire-eating due to mesothelioma and severe heartburn, refractory to proton pump inhibitors. Instead, they self-medicated themselves with neutrino pump exhibitors and electron sump inquisitors, thus credited with inventing nucular (sic) medicine. When exploring proctoscopy at quantum lengths, Thomas, hawking back to his past, volunteered to work his way in.

Thomas Conclave Meddlesome never married but had several children by circus carneys. None survived the toddler trapeze training underway for the infamous children's circus which resulted in torch-carrying mobs that organized, quite impromptu, the famous 3-ring lynchings, which--for Thomas--came full circle, occurring in Peoria.

Sadly, Thomas Conclave Meddlesome died three years before pornography arrived, penniless and horny, with heartburn. It happened during transitioning to lion-taming, which initially had gone well; but--circus talk says--you only need one cross (and hungry!) lion to crush an otherwise brilliant career.

In 2024, he was posthumorously awarded a Fallacious Phallus, the porn industry's most sarcastic honor.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES:

For Friday, August 2, Day 215 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge

366 WORDS (without A/N or PS)

Accompaniment photos were AI-generated but the lion was not.

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THIS CHALLENGE GRINDS ON, 366 WORDS AT A TIME...

There are currently three surviving Vocal writers still participating in the insane 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:

• L.C. Schäfer, challenge originator

• Rachel Deeming

• Gerard DiLeo (some other guy)

Read them. Support them. And remember to get the extended warranty on the pornograph.