18, my "first time"

Liangzi was a month older than me. We were both 17 back then.

In that age when we always thought the world was unjust and love was extremely beautiful, he took my hand and called me girl. He often accompanied me on the playground after school and gave me a warm embrace when I quarreled with my parents.

The first time I stood on tiptoe to kiss him, he blushed even earlier than I did. Looking at his shy look, I suddenly had the desire to be with him for a lifetime.

One night after self-study, we were walking hand in hand on the playground. Somehow, we got to topics beyond hugging and kissing.

It was very dark, and neither of us could see the expression on the other's face. We were both coy but pretended to be very forthright about those matters that were quite obscure to us.

We talked late that day. When I returned to my dorm, my heart was still pounding. My little heart seemed to have buried the seeds of curiosity, desperately trying to sprout. I thought Liangzi was probably the same, but he was too shy to say it.

The next day, I went to have lunch with him as usual. Sitting face to face, we both had some indescribable feelings. We laughed out loud simultaneously and asked each other what was wrong.

There was a moment of silence, followed by an affectionate gaze. An idea occurred to me, and I whispered, "Let's spend the night on my 18th birthday. I want you to help me with my bar mitzvah."

His face turned red from his ears to his forehead. I looked at him with a warm heart, filled with sacred feelings for the arrival of 18.

Three months before the college entrance examination, on my 18th birthday. I took a bath at home, put on my new clothes, and called Liangzi to ask if he was ready. He couldn't stop panting, and his words stuttered. When I arrived at the meeting place, Liangzi was already waiting for me, and he was also dressed in new clothes.

He looked at me, and I looked at him, both smiling unnaturally. None of us said a word. We counted the pocket money we had saved together along the way, unfolding and arranging them one by one. Everything seemed very solemn. Liangzi concentrated on counting the money calmly, and when I saw the sweat on his forehead, my heart suddenly decelerated like an electric shock.

Liangzi held the money in one hand and me in the other, and we both sneaked into a hotel like thieves. His hands were sweating, and my palms were wet.

When I checked in, I hid with my back to the counter in case the attendant could tell from the ID card that Liangzi was just over 18. Finally, the money was successfully handed over, the room card was taken, and we walked into the room temporarily belonging to the two of us.

As soon as I entered the room, Liangzi rushed into the bathroom, and then came the sound of water, which was very powerful and impacted my eardrum.

I sat on the edge of the bed, involuntarily holding the skirt, my heart beating like a little rabbit. Getting into bed and thinking about what was going to happen, my face burned...

But ten minutes later, we checked out. Things didn't go as we expected. Liangzi was crying when he came out of the bathroom. I didn't know what was going on. I left calmly. He held me tightly in his arms and said incoherently, "Yan, let's go back... I don't want to hurt you... We... We have the college entrance examination..."

His back was turned to me, and I dressed silently behind him. After getting dressed, we left the hotel.

My 18th bar mitzvah ended so dramatically. After that, we still held hands and walked on the playground, laughing, but no one mentioned those things.

Many years later, I suddenly thought of Liangzi's back in the hotel. The figure I had looked at silently when I was getting dressed. From that moment on, it was no longer the figure of a boy but that of a man-------- Liangzi.

From the moment he waited for me to get dressed, he was interpreting his commitment to me with actions and the responsibility as an 18-year-old man.

It turned out that my 18-year-old rite of passage created another person's growth.