Why Forgiveness Is The Right Thing To Do

Out of nowhere, I get a call from my oldest sister. It was early Saturday morning around 6 am. We didn’t talk much in the past as I was in California and she was in Tennessee so I was really surprised to get the call so early. She wanted to inform me of our mothers death. She and mama struggled for some time to have a good relationship because mama seemed to have hurt her at some point years ago. She went on to say that she believed that someone mama knew had taken her life. She was struggling to make sense of it as mama had no enemies. Her suffering was a direct result in part of the ongoing fallout that she had with mama. She was emotionally and psychologically hurt and knew she now had to live with it.

She didn’t know how to move forward from that point. She felt that their relationship caused deep-seated damage to their relationship. Her heart mind body and soul was damaged from the news of our mother being murdered. She wondered how to move on from this hurt and pain.

We all at some point have experienced a situation where we felt hurt from one of our parents. It could have been due to a innocent misunderstanding or contrived betrayal. If someone hurt you or have done you wrong, can you work on it and get on with the relationship? Or was the damage not repairable. Knowing you can’t just walk away because it’s your mother. You have to find away to fix the issue and move on.

I had a heart to heart with my sister and told her whatever it was to push the two apart she needed to let it go and forgive mama for what she say mom had done to hurt her, but I learned quite a bit about the consequences of not forgiving. When you are hurt it festers and grows deeper inside you. But then, I was shocked to hear her say ( although maybe I shouldn’t have been) that right there was the whole thing of holding on to hurt. How can she ever let it go?

A day after my mom’s murder, they found the man who’d taken her life. He was arrested and taken to jail until his trial. I had become so emotional at that point it made me very distraught. I cried to sleep and I awoke crying. Something had to give, I could not keep going through this. I could not get ahold of my emotions yet go to work or anything.

The second day after the murder. I asked around to find out exactly who this man was. I found that my mom knew him. My mother had been helping his wife and his son out. They were new in town and didn’t have much, so she’d invite them over and cook for them. They had become very acquainted and fond of my mothers generosity.

Knowing this helped me in so many ways. I decided I needed to get this out of my system, so I decided to forgive the man that took her life. The thing that made this possible was remembering God was the only one who could give life or take life. Surely not this man! He did not have that power to do either of the two. So I decided to forgive him and all of the weight was immediately lifted. No more crying or feeling awe full. Forgiveness was the key to move forward.

I shared these things with my sister and told her there was a way to move forward after this. You have to forgive first. When you forgive someone, you forgive yourself. That may not hit you right at first but that catchy phrase changed my emotional life and it’s true. Holding a grudge against someone is not just about what they have done. It’s more about what you can’t get over.

Forgiving yourself for what you should have done in the first place. Disagreeing with mom should have been short lived. It should not have put a wedge between the two of you. When you forgive, you heal so therefore you can move forward. Forgiveness is a action that could course correct your life and well being. Forgiveness breaks that negativity towards that person.

I told her she can forgive but she didn’t have to forget. She would not be controlled by that negative energy and could then focus on becoming stronger for our younger siblings. Forgiveness frees you.