When You Lose Your Mama You Will Find Out Who Is The Realest In Your Tribe

When you lose your Mama you will find out who is the most real in your life and tribe. Through the tears, pain, frustration, and fear you will know who has your back. I lost my beloved mother on January 31st, 2020. My mother Donna Reese was a highly decorated activist and advocate for civil and disability rights. She passed away surrounded by family. I was on my knees holding her left hand until her last breath. That moment and experience was heartbreaking, surreal, bittersweet, devastating, and traumatic. My mom left a profound legacy and was loved by many with tons of love to give so many as well. Since losing my mother I began to look at life totally different on so many levels. I will forever miss her and I think about her each and every day. We had such a unique bond and were literally each other's number one fan. I had the best mom ever! I am so grateful to have experienced motherly love that will last with me for all of my days.

Grieving has not been easy for me or for those close to me. I am thankful for those who have been so supportive, encouraging, patient, and resilient while this motherless daughter had some dark times and days this year. I've heard some of the most loving words since my mom died. Such soothing and simple words such as "I'm here to listen", "Would you like to talk", or "I'm just checking on you". Hearing words like that after losing the woman who gave you life, that you spoke to or was around every day means everything to a person who has lost a parent. No day is the same when you lose your mom. Some days you are on cloud nine from a major accomplishment or a fun day with family or friends and some days you just don't want to speak to anyone or get out of bed.

The worst thing I heard said to me this year was "I don't feel bad for you, you had 34 years with your mom". Those words are grained in me almost a year later because it reminded me how some people have no empathy and can say the stupidest things even if they meant well. I don't care how old you are there is no amount of time with a parent that is enough. 34 years was not enough and 100 years wouldn't have been enough time either. Don't ever tell someone what is enough for them. Especially when it comes to matters of losing someone. I prayed for that person who thought they were doing me service just as much as I prayed for the strength I needed to continue my life without the dearest person to me when I felt that pain was going to take me out.

My mom had the most beautiful funeral that she deserved. I reflect on this year and I think about all the people who couldn't have funerals or those who couldn't visit their family members in the hospital before they passed away due to the pandemic and my heart goes out to them. She passed away in January, we had her funeral in February, and then in March here comes the global pandemic and shutdowns. I felt my world and head was spinning and it would never stop. How could all of this be happening? Though everyone in the world was dealing with a pandemic and tons of other hardships at that moment at the beginning of the year I felt as if nothing in life bad was happening to no one but me. With all the love and support from friends and family, I still felt alone and had to find ways to shake this hurt, anger, and depression because I had a son to raise who was missing his Grandmother who he loved and missed so much. Now his world was all shook up too because this young child (my son) who has a learning disability now had to be educated from the computer at home. It was hard in the beginning but we both got the hang of it. I am proud of all the students, parents, and teachers who adjusted during these trying times to make sure our children got the best education in ways we never expected.

Before covid, I was covering a lot of entertainment industry events as press, producing video and film for clients, and myself. Writing for clients and more. During the pandemic, I've been blessed to work from home while homeschooling my child as a copywriter, publicist, and media professional. I always wanted to be apart of the entertainment industry. My over 20-year career allowed me tons of opportunities in theater, film, and multimedia. I love what I do! This industry also comes with some letdowns which I experienced tenfold in 2020. Such as a betrayal of friends I've considered family, or having to walk away from business partners who either took me for granted, weren't supportive or treated me like a worker and not the boss that I am. Letting go of people that were no good for me personally and professional were hard decisions to make. I know my worth, I wish them well and peace. I also learn from each moment and live my life with integrity as my mother taught me to. I would never publicly speak ill of those who hurt me or let me down nor do I seek revenge or to compete with them. I want everyone to win even if they don't see it for me.

Someone close to me told me how I inspire them because I never gave up during the hardest year of my life. I said I almost gave up. I doubted myself. I wanted to take the whole year off, but I didn't I kept going. Trusting my instincts allowed me to smash some major goals without even having to step foot outside of my home. That alone is a major superpower and what sets me apart from many. I've interviewed Grammy, Tony, Oscar, and Emmy award-winning Celebrities and Influencers this year via Zoom, and Phone thanks to the power of interNETworking. The pandemic afforded me to tap into my skills and talents even more. I am so glad I can say this has been the best year of my professional career so far.

I know my mom is so proud of everything I've accomplished while she was here in the physical form and all I've achieved when she passed on. I interviewed Meagan Good-Franklin, Carl Anthony Payne, 112, Leon, Sheryl Lee Ralph, and Tamra Simmons to name a few right from the comfort of my home. Tamra Simmons who is the Emmy Nominated Producer of Lifetime Networks Surviving R Kelly Docuseries listed me as the Best Interviewer of 2020. All of this including being apart of my first virtual industry press conference for TV One and so much more truly made the hardest year for me become the most epic. If I could get through losing my mother I can do anything. I believe this year's assignment for me was strength and independence. During this pandemic, I had no desire to travel or be around many different people as I took social distancing extremely seriously especially being a mother there was no way I would risk my son's health just to say I traveled somewhere.

Much respect to those on the front lines and who did get to travel during this time. Everyone's situation is different but for me, it wasn't worth it. I made all the right choices for me and my family this year. I look back and know undoubtedly that my testimony is amazing and inspiring. Also, I know this coming year is going to rain blessings as opportunities are already lined up, the universe knows my heart and all I've endured. I claim greatness, peace, happiness, abundance, and prosperity while forever keeping my mother in my heart every step of the way.

In closing, I would like to say thanks to those who thought I couldn't do it without them. Thanks to those who didn't believe in me. Thanks to those who threw shots when I was going through it. Thanks to those who turned their back on me. Thanks to those who showed no compassion nor patience during my darkest days. Thanks to ME for adjusting my crown and killing this year during the hardest year of my life. When you lose your Mama, you will see who really is on your team. SHOUTOUT TO: JOEY, LAKISA, SANTITA, ANGELIQUE, ANGEL, AYAN, LANIKA, FRANCESCA, and everyone who has truly been there. I couldn't have gotten through this year without you all!

No weapon formed prospered. I did it! I got through 2020. I'm not perfect, but I'm the truth.

"I must be fine because my heart still beating".

-Jack White

Photo Credit: Austin Smallwood

Stylist: LaKisa Renee

Make Up Artist: Zanae