When Mom Kidnapped Us

When my parents split up, my father threatened to have my Filipina mom deported. So she kidnapped my brother and me.

It only lasted a weekend. She felt guilty and brought us back. By then, though, the damage was done. So my father got custody of us. This surprised me because my father was physically abusive towards my mother. In fact, at age six, I remember jumping on his back to try to get him off of her when he was hitting her.

What I came to learn was that my mother would do anything for us. She worked hard to give us the best of everything she could. She paid for my college and law school. We never wanted for anything.

No matter what happened, I knew that my mother would help me. She did not ask a lot of questions when I stayed out all night as a teenager. She covered for me, when she could, so I would not get in trouble with my strict father. As long as I kept up my straight A's, she was happy.

She actually instilled in me the importance of excellence in my work. I graduated from a fine university and one of the top ten law schools in the U.S. My immigrant mother was a professional woman who rode the wave of technology in the 1960s through 1990s. She went to college at age 16. She became a successful executive in a Fortune 500 company. She was demanding on those who worked for her, but I could never understand how she became a subservient woman when she was at home.

Even though my father got custody of my brother and me, I always knew that my mother loved me unconditionally. Though my childhood was tumultuous, knowing how much my mom loved me sustained me. It was like a soft, yet firm blanket that followed and protected me.

Of course, I threw it off from time to time. I made bad choices. But I could always grab it when I needed it.

There were times when I should have died from, for instance, the chemicals I ingested. While my mother’s denial of my alcohol problem did not serve me, having her unconditional love helped me crawl back out of the hole of addiction.

When I had my first baby, my mom gave me the greatest gift. She would care for the baby so I could sleep. I did not trust anyone else with my daughter. After a sleepless night with a finicky baby, I would run to the front door with my infant, hand her over, crawl back into bed and fall into a deep, satisfying slumber. It was heavenly.

When I got divorced myself, she also was there to help me put my life back together. I was grateful that she had counseled me to keep some of my own money and to always keep a credit card in my own name. She gave me money after I was feeling too guilty to ask for alimony for having blown up my marriage. Through her modeling, I knew I would survive. I knew I could support myself and build a life I enjoyed once again.

And I did. Following my mother’s example, I started over and learned what made me happy. She never lectured, but she showed me what a strong woman could do. And I am paying that forward to my own daughter. Although I hope she will not divorce, she knows I love her unconditionally and am here to catch her if she falls. And if she wants to be caught.