When Joint Custody Doesn't Work

Joint custody means that both parents will have equal time with their children. They split the children 50/50 so that they can grow up having both parents in their lives. 

Joint custody is usually the best option for children. I recently wrote an article about this. If you didn't get a chance to read it, you can check it out here.

That being said, there are times when it just isn't going to work. Here are some reasons why you may not want to share joint custody with your ex. 

Your ex may not be fit to be a parent. Though you may think that your ex is not a good parent, the truth is that there are plenty of parents who shouldn't have custody of their own children. 

This doesn't mean that they can't cook or put their children to bed on time. Abusive parents or ones that neglect their children shouldn't be allowed to care for their children without supervision. Some parents are more concerned about their next drink or hit. Drugs and alcohol are more important than their own children. 

Once children are in school, joint custody may not work. If the parents live in two separate school districts, it might be impossible to completely share custody 50/50. 

It may work if the parents decide to drive their children to and from school (or at least pick them up at the bus stop). However, there are times when the parents live too far away to share joint custody when it comes to schooling. It might add a half an hour or hour onto your children's commute, just to continue to share custody. 

In fact, distance alone may make it too hard to share joint custody. Many parents have to pick up and move when they go through a divorce. Even if you live an hour or so away, it can be challenging to find two hours to drive every few days to share custody of the children. I

If you live even farther away, it can seem almost impossible to exchange the children every few days. You might spend more time in the car. Entire evenings can be spent carting your children between parents! 

Then, there are going to be times when your children are old enough to make a decision about their living situation. They may choose to stay with one parent more than the other, for a variety of reasons. Once they are driving, all bets are off, because they are free to come and go as they please. They may choose to stay in one home because it is closer to their friends, school, and job.

Though you want the best for your children and believe that joint custody is the way to go, there are times when it simply won't work. This may be due to a parent's inability to take care of the children. This doesn't just mean that he or she isn't able to cook meals for the child and help them with their homework. Parents who are abusive or neglectful should never have time without their children unless there is supervision. Parents who are into drugs or drinking may not be fit to be a parent. 

Distance is another big reason why joint custody may not work. If you and your ex don't live in the same school district, you may be able to share custody over the summer, but not during the school year. That being said, if you live a few hours away, you might not be able to share custody. If you tried to, you could end up spending a few evenings a week in your car, taking your children back and forth!

Previously published on Medium.