What Nobody Tells You

Losing a parent is one of the most profound experiences life throws at us, yet it often feels like uncharted territory. People talk about grief, offer condolences, and tell you “time heals all wounds,” but there are layers to this loss that nobody prepares you for. It’s not just about the sorrow—it’s about the ripple effects that touch every aspect of your life.

Here’s what nobody tells you about losing a parent—and why it’s okay to feel all the things you’ve been feeling but can’t put into words.

Grief Isn’t Linear—It’s a Rollercoaster

You’ve likely heard about the five stages of grief. But what nobody tells you is that grief doesn’t follow a neat, orderly timeline. One day, you might feel like you’re starting to heal, and the next, something as simple as a song or a smell can bring you to your knees.

The truth is, grief is messy. It’s unpredictable. You might laugh one moment and cry the next—and that’s okay. Grief doesn’t demand perfection; it just demands your honesty.

You’ll Mourn the Parent You Had—and the Parent You Didn’t

Losing a parent brings up a flood of memories, but it also brings up feelings of what could have been. If your relationship with your parent wasn’t perfect, grief can feel even more complicated. You might wrestle with unresolved issues, regret, or even anger alongside the sorrow.

Nobody tells you that it’s okay to grieve not just the person they were, but the relationship you wish you had. Grief is as much about the past as it is about the future you’ll never share with them.

The World Doesn’t Stop—But You Will

One of the most jarring things about losing a parent is how quickly the world moves on. For you, life feels frozen in time. But outside your bubble of loss, people are rushing to work, posting selfies, and planning vacations.

Nobody tells you how isolating this can feel. It’s as though you’re trapped in a silent movie, watching the world move in fast-forward while you’re stuck in slow motion.

But here’s the thing: it’s okay to pause. It’s okay to take time to grieve, to stop pretending you’re “fine,” and to step back from the relentless pace of the world.

Your Identity Will Shift

When a parent passes, it’s not just about losing them—it’s about losing a part of yourself. They were your anchor, your guide, and your history. Without them, you might feel lost, like you’re suddenly unsure of who you are.

What nobody tells you is that this loss will force you to grow in ways you never expected. You’ll find strength you didn’t know you had and redefine yourself without their shadow. It’s painful, yes, but it’s also transformative.

Little Things Will Break You

Grief doesn’t always strike in the big moments. Sometimes, it’s the little things that hurt the most. Seeing their handwriting on an old note, hearing their favorite song, or realizing you’ll never hear their laugh again can cut deeper than you thought possible.

Nobody tells you how bittersweet these moments are. They’re a reminder of your loss, but also of the love you shared.

It’s Okay to Find Joy Again

Perhaps the most surprising thing about grief is that it doesn’t last forever—not in its rawest form, anyway. As time passes, the sharp edges soften. You’ll start to find moments of joy again, and when you do, it might feel like a betrayal.

But here’s the truth: finding happiness doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten them. It means you’re honoring their memory by living fully, just as they would want you to.

In loving memory of my mom whom I lost on September 30, 2024.