What it means to be strong

Dear mom,

When someone tells me, I am ‘strong', all I see is your reflection; that of a woman who has taken everything thrown at her and instead of wallowing in self-pity, used every setback as an opportunity to propel her to achieve her dreams. Everything about you exemplifies strength. Now I know exactly where my strength comes from. Before you say anything, I must admit that I have to say that it comes from the lord. I know you will remind me that your strength comes from him too; that you instilled in me from the day I was born but my strength also comes from you.

At 54 years old, you are one semester away from completing your nursing degree. This is definitely a huge accomplishment and I am very proud of you. Your dream job is a career in nursing which you postponed for some time. You constantly make sacrifices for us and that was one of them. You let your dreams take a lower place on your priority list and had us placed at the top.

You teach me how to make the best out of the worst situations and I am still learning so much from you. I take on the world by force because you taught me that I should never take no for an answer, to never back down from anything and to speak my mind. “Closed mouths don’t get fed” is the phrase that you engrained in my head. You are the one who taught me how to fight for me. I now speak my mind and walk into a room with my head held high because I know who my mother is and who I am as a result. Even though at times I feel like I can’t fill your shoes, you remind me that they are not meant to be filled. I am supposed to walk in them temporarily because as I get older, I will need my own pair to make my individual impact on the world. I need to become my own woman.

As I get older, I look more and more like you each day. It is amusing because as a child, I barely looked like you. Maybe this is nature’s funny way of telling me that I am truly becoming a woman crafted from you in multiple ways or maybe I have become a reflection of you because you heavily influence who I am today.

Endurances seem to knock at my door almost monthly especially during the last two years. In came the diagnosis of not just one, but two autoimmune diseases, the second occurring during the pandemic. I am grateful that you came with me to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota to find answers prior to the pandemic. I do not recall any hesitation on your part when you dropped everything and left. Your presence is always an indicator of strength and having you around is a constant reminder that I am strong enough to handle anything that comes my way.

My health varies as you know. Some days are better than others. I remember the phone call when I told you that I needed you and all you said was ok. Do you remember my first doctor's appointment after you arrived? I still cannot believe that you carried me on your back down the stairs. A part of me still feels sad because I wanted to be the one to take care of you but here you were taking care of me still. Your knees are not the best and you did not need another injury. All I can think is that you are one hell of a strong woman.

You are my cheerleader who cheered me on during physical therapy while I learned how to walk again. Flying back and forth during a pandemic to be present for me while still maintaining a part time job and attending school full time is beyond amazing. You continue to teach me that pain is temporary and this experience will soon be a memory of the past. You always make me believe even when I seem to lose hope. Because of you I do not allow myself to remain in the slump and instead I take charge of the things I can control. I continue to fight through all the pain during physical therapy, the nerve injections, the constant blood work that leave me bruised, the days in the hospital, the side effects from all the medications and the multiple setbacks. I am a survivor because I was able to regain that strength that you instilled in me. I am here today mainly because of you. You remind me every day that I have to see myself healed and happy so I can get back to living my life again.

I know how short life can be and I am grateful that we took a short vacation to Mexico two years ago. This was your first international flight outside of flying home to the Caribbean. Life is way too short and we had the opportunity to live in the moment, enjoying delicious food, drinks, live music and exploring the Mayan temples. It was so much fun and we will need to do it again soon. I don’t believe in waiting until someone is no longer there to pay tribute to them. I believe in doing it now so that’s my way of giving you, your flowers. I know that you think of my brother and me as a blessing but it is us who is blessed to have a mother like you.

Mom, I want to thank you for being an independent thinker, a believer, care giver, motivator, prayer warrior and a no-nonsense taker who has made me stand up tall and face the world though matter what challenges come my way. Thank you for being my beacon of hope and strength along with being my superwoman. You constantly rise to every occasion though matter what and you do what is needed without any excuses. I hope that if I become a mother, that I will be half the mother you are to me. I will forever love you and can’t wait to stand beside you on graduation day like you have stood beside me throughout all those years. Thank you again for always being there when I need you. You define what it is to be a mother. You define what it means to be strong.

With love,

Your daughter