What I Learnt Through Losing My Mum-A journey of Self Discovery & Inner Child Healing

“The darker the night, the brighter the stars,

The deeper the grief, the closer is God!” — Fyodor Dostoevsky

If you haven't read part one of the story, I highly advise you to do so, you'll the link in my profile.

What I have learned from this losing the connection with my narcassistic mother

If I can sum up my experience in only three words, it would be the legendary phrase: ‘Life goes on’.

Despite how hard it is healing through it all and finding peace among the chaos, life will continue.

It’s the basic law of human nature: not everything is meant to last.

If the divine relationship between a mother and a child could end abruptly in an instance, know that there are no guarantees on any other surface-based relationships.

I have learned the importance of fully embracing every moment in life because you never know when it might end.

Cherish the memories, not the people.

Humans are susceptible to change. Different emotional, physical, and mental factors change our attitudes and priorities.

Our personalities can change in an instant where we go from loving someone to completely denying their existence. Is it healthy? Definitely not! But the secret here is to keep on moving.

Life is constant and it doesn't stop for anyone. I’m not saying to bottle up your emotions and deny yourself the time and space to feel and react. Take a pause, reflect, express, and move on to your next station.

Cherish the memories that are left from your connection. Memories stay forever bringing you joy as you gratefully reflect on the good times you have shared.

No Need For Closure

Not every situation is going to give you the closure that you need to let go of.

I know it’s hard, we don’t want to feel like we are left in the middle of the tunnel, wondering why and how we were left stranded.

But look at it this way: if someone you dearly love has chosen by their free will to ghost you, do not look for closure from them.

Instead, dig deep within and give yourself the closure that you need from a place of self-love and self-empowerment.

You deserve the closure that you deem necessary and only you can give it to yourself.

In my case, I was battling with feelings of regret and guilt for months, obsessively going through our last few conversations in my mind and searching on where I went wrong. I waited and asked for closure by never received any, which makes complete sense.

Why would I await comforting closure from someone who disregarded my emotions and existence?

Instead, I comforted and assured myself that I have done everything to the best of my ability in this connection.

My mother was at a low point in her life battling through negative feelings and circumstances that she took her anger and vengeance towards me.

It’s not my fault.

I simply served as a punching pillow.

The best thing I could do is not allow someone to treat me like that again.

Prayer is key

Prayer and meditation have changed my life and provided me with a new fresh perspective on the laws of life.

Being consistent with my spiritual practice and realigning with my morals and values helped me to get to a place of inner peace.

As a Muslim, I was consistent with my five daily prayers and took on extra supplication that helped to release my grief and provide me with comfort in the times I needed it most.

Whether it is prayer, meditation, journaling, or scripting, find what works best for you to give you purpose and connect you with the divine source.

If you are into gemstones, one of the best healing stones for loss, grief, and self-love is rose quartz as it energetically helps you to give and receive love. I wore it daily as a necklace and the bright pink color provided a soothing vibe.

Another thing I tried is music therapy using 396 Hz which is known to aid in grief, guilt, and fear. You can find it on youtube and many people swear by the results.

Allow space for yourself to grieve.

It is only through allowing yourself to grieve do you learn to heal.

It was difficult for me to let go of my mother and it took me a while to understand the person she became is completely different from that same loving person who raised me.

By processing my grief, I understood I had to farewell the part of me which was co-dependent on her for acceptance and happiness.

When you start to feel the rush of emotion, do not resist, because resistance will only emphasize these emotions further. Go with the flow, feel, reflect, cry if you must, and then move on.

Everyone grieves differently but the one common thing is that it comes in stages and waves.

Having a support network is great as they help to support you on your journey as you work through grief.

Find an outlet to express your grief, whether it is through writing, counseling, art, or physical activity.

The idea here is not to cover up or speed the grieving process but to find a healthy outlet to express your feelings and thoughts.

I have found that during the most traumatic stages of my life, I produced my best creative pieces of art and stories, helping me to express my thoughts on paper and tolerate intense waves of grief.

Forgiveness is freeing to your soul

Forgive yourself and others for their wrongdoings.

It is only after forgiving both myself and my mother was able to reach inner peace.

Forgiveness is very freeing for the soul, you will feel like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders once you learn how to truly forgive and let go.

I forgave myself for blindly trusting people, ignoring the toxic warning signs, and giving power to my mom to control my happiness.

In turn, I forgave her for behaving the way she did and realized that a lot of factors might have contributed to the person she is today.

I understand us both parted ways and this was something that was meant to happen.

Know Your Worth

I realized I should not base my whole existence on one person, even if it is my mother.

Directly after she stopped talking to me, I was shattered.

My identity was based on her perception and approval of me as a person and once she stopped communicating, I was an emotional mess for the first few weeks.

I went through stages of missing her to obsessing over why she has not responded and questioned my self-worth.

It was during the lowest point of my life that I questioned who would even love me if my mother has disregarded me as a person.

This is partly due to how we as a society perceive mothers as the symbol for eternal love, sacrifice, and endless compassion.

As a society, we fail to effectively tackle issues when it comes to narcissistic mothers.

When someone faces an issue with their mother, they question their perception of reality, as motherhood is perceived as a lifelong commitment based on love and affection.

Count Your Blessings

Focus on gratitude for the blessings you already have.

Even though it sounds easy, it was one of the toughest and life-changing lessons that I learned.

I had to learn to lift myself and get into the habit of listing three things I am grateful for every night before bed. I was grateful for my family, for my health, and my security.

Once I got that pattern established into my routine, I took it a step further by personalizing it to my current situation.

I did it from a place of love rather than lack.

I simply wrote down that I am grateful for all the happy and joyful memories with my mother that we had during our connection.

I will forever cherish these memories.

Thank you for being a part of my story by allowing me to share it with you.

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Every care has been taken to be as honest and real as possible to give a sense of what it’s like battling through the emotions of grief and regret as I take my hand towards the path of healing and inner peace.

I hope this will help you understand the journey and perspective of one human’s search for inner healing and self-love.