Waking up to Your Inner Child

As children, we dont have much to any control over how we are raised, when you ask a child what do you like to do? they often reply with "I like to.." and then finish it off with whatever the parents have allowed the child to do, whether it be painting, writing on the walls, or simply watching tv, it all comes down to the grown up in control of raising the kid. As an adult, all those traits, manners, vocabulary, personality, mindset, they all come down to the way we were brought up, each individual human has a certain way of seeing things, which is passed down from generations to generation with different variations, almost like religion. Being raised with two moms I have come to the conclusion that there is always one parent who will make u understand a different point of view from the other guardian, and in essence they will make them "look bad" in the eyes of the child, for one will react in rage, and the other one will take a breath and tell us why what we did was wrong. Now, my mom who reacts in rage had a terrible childhood, with abusive parents, and neglected feelings, growing up she pretty much had to take care of herself most of the time, undoubtably with that amount of trauma, now as an adult I cant expect her to be complacent with her distressing experience, of course, as i child i didn't know any better, which always made me favor my other mom. Now, my other mom was raised by her grandparents since her parents died when she was 3 years old and she doesn't really remember them, only thru pictures. Lets call her Carol, so Carol my second mom is the sweetest person ever, she always acts kindly towards everybody, she always told me when i did something wrong why it was bad, and as a child i tended to favor her since she never yelled. Thus now you see my point, both of my moms were raised in completely different environments, as kids one had parents that were not the most amicable ones, and the other one didn't have any, conveying codependency issues, which she deals with to this day. Trauma is the way the brain responds out of survival, out of fear of repeating something that happened already and it goes into alert mode, which is reacting instead of responding. More often than not, we dont have control over how others react to us in any type of situation and sometimes we're left feeling like there's something wrong with us, when the truth is that how others react to us has absolutely nothing to do w us and everything to do with themselves, but because we aren't taught that nobody has any power over us unless we allow it, often times we tend to blame ourselves by the actions of another person. When we're kids, we dont really make that conjecture and as a result, we usually think we're to blame for another's behavior. As grown ups, we deal with things children don't understand, maybe its pms, maybe its a bad day at work, maybe its just not our day, the point is, we expect children to understand something they have not yet experienced, and almost nobody teaches them that they are their own person because most people haven't gotten the chance to be it for themselves, to get to know their own scars, their trauma, the very things that made them who they are now, they've accepted it as a way of being without trying to change it for the better as if there's not a way to be better, to be mindful and aware of every situation that goes on around them without throwing a fist of rage when an inconvenience happens. When u treat children as undeveloped beings, they begin to think they are, as in when a child throws a tantrum and the adult reacts violently, or decides to sshss the child without validating their feelings, they start to repress their emotions with the intention of not being a bother to the guardian, therefore while keeping their emotions bottled up as if to say, they become irritable, and sometimes angry that they're feelings are not processed and let go of and we begin to see self destructive traits that begin at an early age, resulting in the society we live in now. However, when we treat children as we would do an adult they are more susceptible to less trauma, ensuring that the child grows up expressing a different response by emitting a frequency of understanding and releasing emotions, which in turn leads to an affine adulthood. Shouting is a mechanism adults use to "discipline" kids, its how they let out their frustration for what the child is doing, not realizing that they are subconsciously damaging the child's way of thinking by creating a perspective where when they do something that we do not find "acceptable" to our liking they already know what will happen, but since they already been thru it before they simply create a toleration for it, until the parent results to physical discipline, thats when we see that psychological abuse come to be repeated by the next generation. Lets start treating our children as adults who understand what we say and they will act like it, its all about how we decide to raise them that defines who they grow up to be.

To be continued?...