Wake Up!

READ THE PROLOGUE & CH. ONE FOR FREE

PROLOGUE

December 9, 2006

I should be sleeping, but I can’t. My emotions are All. Over. The. Place. I want to cry, scream, and disappear all at once. One minute I’m in tears, and the next I’m so angry that all I want to do is hit someone. In the last twenty-four hours, my life, along with that of my son, Tyler, has been completely upended. My husband, Grey, admitted he’s been cheating on me, and the bastard had the audacity to tell me it’s my fault. Can you believe that?! Yeah, like I held a gun to his head and made him put his penis where it has no business being! Exactly how does that work? He even claimed he was going to “get rid of me” as soon as I get my degree.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He says we’re through. I hope he changes his mind. I know, I know…what am I thinking, right? How do you just completely stop loving somebody though? I can’t downshift that fast.

See? Told you my emotions are all over the place. I went from pissed off to a blubbering idiot in less than ten seconds.

I want him back.

I want our family to be just that—a family. I want Grey to care about the vows he made to me, get rid of the girlfriend, and come knocking on the door to beg me for another chance. Somehow, though, after our awesome conversation, I doubt that will happen.

I am such a failure! Why can’t the men in my life love me? I’m just not loveable, I guess.

I don’t like any of this. I don’t know what I’m going to do. How am I going to finish school? Mom told me we’re just going to get me through finals, have Christmas and New Year’s, and go from there. Somehow, I think she was trying to make the pain go away—or at least make it more bearable.

And this was after my parents had the horrible job of dropping another bombshell in my lap. Oh, I forgot to mention another tidbit, right? Well, not only is Grey cheating on me, but the girlfriend is PREGNANT! Grey told me on more than one occasion that he didn’t want any more kids…maybe that’s just with me.

What makes the situation even more heartbreaking is Tyler asked whether he should call his daddy “Daddy” or if he can call him Grey. I don’t really care what he calls him. It’s not like Grey has ever had much to do with him anyway.

Annnnd there I go…pissed off again! You’d be proud of me, though. After my spectacular conversation with Grey, I was so pissed that I took our wedding picture from my mom’s china cabinet and, with mom’s approval—she handed me the butcher knife and cutting board!—I castrated Grey right there. I went so crazy I cracked the cutting board and bent the poor butcher knife! Oh, but it felt good. At least, for the moment.

For now, Tyler and I are staying with my parents. That could have something to do with Tyler acting as if nothing has changed when, in all reality, his life took a drastic turn. He doesn’t seem bothered at all, at least not yet.

I asked my dad to give me a blessing. Afterward, I prayed, and cried, and prayed some more that I’ll have the strength to handle all that I’m going to have to do over the next who knows how long.

Tomorrow, I have the wonderful task of finding an attorney. Oh, yeah—Grey wants the divorce, but he doesn’t want to pay for it. He seems to think I have more money at my disposal than he does. Right—I’ve been Mrs. Rockefeller all along, Honey. Before I set up an appointment, though, Grey will know that the only thing I want from him is sole custody of Tyler. He might fight me on that, but then again, he might not, because if I have sole custody then he gets to pick and choose when and if he wants anything to do with his son. Won’t be any different than the last five years of the kid’s life, anyway.

I’m going to talk to Tyler’s teacher as well. I need to fill her in on what’s happening and have her look out for any behavioral issues she may see crop up. And I want to reinforce that Tyler is only allowed to leave school with me or my parents. Grey doesn’t have a driver’s license and there is no way I’ll allow my son to be picked up by anyone I don’t know—even if Grey is with them.

I’m so tired, but it’s almost time for Tyler to get up, so it looks like yet another sleepless night for me. I’m afraid I’m going to have to get used to these because I feel as if I’m never going to sleep again.

Talk to ya later,

Hunter

CHAPTER ONE

In February 1998, RJ and I had been together for three years. One night, a couple weeks after Valentine’s Day and a year after our engagement (we were engaged my senior year in high school), he told me he needed to date other girls in order to make sure I was the right one for him. Somehow, I knew it wasn’t my disability—my Cerebral Palsy—that caused this reaction. RJ had always told me I didn’t give myself enough credit when it came to my strengths. He knew I didn’t like people knowing about my disability and that I spent tons of time trying to hide it, but he said it was one of the reasons he loved me. He just needed time.

I thoroughly hated being the heartbroken college sophomore living less than ten minutes away from the man I had promised to spend the rest of forever with. Why had God done this to me? Why had he introduced me to such a good person, only to take him away with no warning? I wanted an eternal family, and I struggled with the idea that RJ was not sure that was what he wanted. Why couldn’t he see that being sealed as husband and wife was the closest to Heaven a human could get in this life? I’d dreamed about being sealed for time and all eternity since I was a little girl, and now my love wasn’t sure. Couldn’t God let up a little and give me some mercy, some grace? Frustrated and angry, I needed a breather from RJ, God, and the whole plan I had for myself, so I decided to take matters into my own hands.

For the next several weeks, I did not go anywhere or do anything, except school and homework. Those held no appeal for me either, though. My best friend, Lindley, had taken about as much moodiness from me as she could stand. One night she called me and said we were going out and there wasn’t anything I could do to get out of it. We started off small, going to the bowling alley to play a few frames.

Pretty soon, I found myself frequenting The Alley on a weekly basis. Rather than bowl, though, Lindley and I both found the pool hall more inviting and, in no time at all, were brilliant with a pool stick. Playing pool eased some of the pain and rejection I felt from RJ. We played many weekends with a guy we knew from high school named Hank. He taught me how to hold the pool stick, as we had to get creative due to the Cerebral Palsy that encompassed my right side and affected my ability to hold anything in my right hand the way everyone else did. I found a way that worked, but it wasn’t the norm. It was my new-found love of pool and my friendship with Hank that put me in the direct path of a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, handsome cowboy named Grey Andrews

One night in April, when we were, as usual, at the bowling alley and pool hall, I heard, “Hey, sexy girl. What’re you doin'?” I turned and saw Grey Andrews staring at me so hard I was afraid his eyes might pop out of his head. He reeked of cigarette smoke and smelled like a brewery mixed with Stetson cologne. I hated the smell of cigarette smoke, and combined with the cologne and alcohol, it made me want to gag. I was completely and utterly repulsed by him; I couldn’t believe he had the audacity to say something like that, especially since, last I heard, he was dating someone I knew from high school.

“What does it look like we’re doing?”

Ignoring my question, he asked, “Mind if I play with you?”

I’d heard through the grapevine that Grey wasn’t a nice guy. He had just returned from a stint in active duty Army and had decided not to reenlist. He used his charm on any female who would give him the time of day, but that night, he seemed okay to me. It didn't hurt that he was cute, either.

Trying not to let the smell get to me, I agreed to let him play. He was pretty good with the pool stick, and taught me a few tricks. Grey didn’t seem to notice the way I held the pool stick, or anything else different about me. That was a plus.

Trying to keep up the conversation, I asked, “So, where's Kendyl?”

“How do you know her?”

“She went to highschool with Lindley and me.” Grey looked at Lindley like he didn’t know she had been there until that moment.

“Well, we broke up.”

“Oh? Why?” Curiosity got the best of me.

“She cheated on me.”

“Oh. That sucks. I'm sorry.”

“Oh, well.” Grey didn't seem hurt too badly over it. “That's life.”

We continued to play regular Eight Ball and then switched to Cutthroat so we could include Lindley. She looked none too thrilled to have Grey hanging out with us, but I was enjoying his attention.

As the night wore on, however, Grey started getting on my nerves as he got cockier with every win. Every time he sank a shot, he did a little victory dance like football players do when they make a touchdown. Embarrassing much? Not to mention, he kept looking at me as if he wanted to eat me for breakfast. He had an air about him that said, “I'm God's gift to women.” Although he lavished tons of attention on me, I wasn’t sure if I liked this side of him.

“We need to leave,” Lindley suddenly blurted. I knew she was right, but I wasn’t sure how to make an escape without being rude. Finally, though, I couldn’t stand Grey's stares or victory dances any longer. Trying to be nice, I said, “Grey, it's getting late and we really need to go.”

“What? You have a curfew or somethin'?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. So, you're one of the good little Mormon girls, huh?”

In an instant, Grey had gone from being nice to degrading my very beliefs. I was angered by his comments and actions. “What? You think you’re God’s gift to women, don't you? You’re not! You are an asshole!” Saying nothing else, I stormed out with Lindley laughing hysterically behind me.

When July rolled around, it not only brought the heat of summer, but also Reghan’s wedding day. Why did Reghan always get the boys and all the firsts even though I was older? Comparing myself to her was something I’d done since we were little. Not only did she get to do everything first, but she was taller, skinnier, and prettier to boot. As my mom and I helped her get ready in the bride’s room, feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, and the stark reality that I was and possibly always would be at the bottom of the Marshall Family totem pole overtook me. I willed my tears to stay at bay, at least until the reception was over.

“Are you nervous?” I did my best to be the big sister, supporting Reghan and keeping my feelings to myself.

“Yeah, kind of.” Reghan could tell I was having a difficult time but didn’t bring it up.

“I love you, you know.” That was my last comment as my dad came to get her for her walk down the aisle.

It was late by the time we wished the couple well, sent them off to their honeymoon, and cleaned everything up from the wedding reception. I had fought back tears throughout the ceremony, pictures, and reception. I didn’t want anyone knowing that I was suffering, nor did I want them asking questions. All I could think was, it should’ve been RJ and me getting married, or, at the very least, planning our own wedding. I wasn’t a drinker, but at that point, I would do whatever I could to numb the feelings that consumed every fiber of my being.

I knew RJ's older brother, Brax, had a friend that was old enough to buy alcohol. Trying not to second guess myself, I called Brax. “Hey. It's been a while.” I tried sounding happy.

“Hey, Hunter. What's up?” I could tell Brax wasn’t alone.

“Yeah. I'm not so swift. My sister's wedding was today, and I am so…” I couldn’t finish my sentence. I did not want him to hear me cry.

“Hey. Are you okay?” Concern laced his voice. Although RJ and I were no longer together, Brax had been a good friend to me anyway.

“I wish I could just numb all these feelings that won't go away! Why am I not good enough for anyone?”

“You know that's not true. My brother is a total jackass!” Brax tried to make me feel better, but the more he talked, the more I wanted to get plowed, and having never taken so much as a sip of anything with alcohol in it, I had no idea what to expect; just that I didn’t want to feel anymore.

Out of the blue, I asked, “Can your friend get some wine coolers for me?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes. I want to get completely drunk so I don't feel crappy anymore! When you get it, meet me at The Alley, okay?”

I was almost giddy about getting drunk. This must be what rebellion feels like, I thought as I drove.

The next morning, as I cracked open one eye to the blinding Sunday morning sunlight, I recalled what I had done the night before. It only took three wine coolers to give me a feeling of euphoria or buzz. I didn’t throw up like I'd heard most people did. I didn’t have a massive headache either. I remembered Grey being at The Alley; I remembered flirting, flirting with him and loving his attention. I remembered those blue eyes and the heavenly smell of Stetson that permeated him. As I thought back over the previous night, I recalled that he didn’t smell like a nicotine factory as he usually did.

Getting drunk didn’t make me feel better; feeling like a nobody was never going to dissipate. I felt like I would never find my one and only. At least I was able to forget for a little while, and having a hot cowboy hanging on my every word didn’t hurt, either.

As Sunday wore on, I began feeling guilty about my binge drinking. It went against everything I believed. How could I forget, even for a moment, what I wanted my life to be like? I prayed that I could withstand the need to numb my negative feelings.

Deciding I didn’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, and believing RJ was never coming back, I started dating again. By October, I was seeing a guy named Scott, who I liked a lot. He was a friend of Brax’s and had begun hanging around the pool hall, but he smoked and drank and didn’t have the same ideals regarding marriage and family that I did.

I hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol since that fateful night in July, which was difficult because Scott loved drinking. Somehow, I influenced him enough that he didn’t drink a whole lot when we were together. Since we went to The Alley almost every weekend, we ran into Grey a lot. Grey and Scott didn’t seem to like each other much, and Grey did nothing to hide the fact he wanted me all to himself. Making Scott jealous became a favorite pastime for Grey, and I didn’t exactly hate that. Grey’s bad boy air still had the power to intrigue me.

One day, out of the blue, Scott stopped taking my phone calls, and he had the nerve to hang up on me the couple times he did pick up! I wasn’t sure what caused him to ignore me, but if being dumped by RJ had taught me anything, it was that I couldn’t stop living just because I didn’t know what was going on.

I started a new job as a bridal consultant in February, taking orders for wedding invitations, napkins, cake toppers, and such. It was much more exciting than flipping burgers like I’d done the previous three years. I loved this new job, but with it and school, I had little time for anything else. What little time I did have was spent at The Alley with Lindley and, of course, Grey and Hank. I didn’t know then that the boys knew each other so well in high school, nor did I know they were best friends. I wasn’t sure if he and Hank came because Grey knew I would be there or because he was hoping I would be. Either way, he made it easy to forget about Scott and RJ.

On the last weekend in February, however, Grey threw me for a loop. He showed up at the bowling alley with a girl I had never seen before. When he saw me, his face lit up. “Hey, you!”

“Hey, yourself. Hey, Hank.” Hank was talking to the girl, but I could tell by the way she possessed Grey’s hand that she was with him, not Hank.

After a few minutes of chitchat and realizing Grey wasn’t going to introduce us, I piped up, “Hi. My name’s Hunter.” The girl was nothing like other girls I had seen with Grey. She wasn’t skinny, nor was she the drop-dead gorgeous type either.

“Lynese,” she replied while batting her eyelashes. Then she said, “I’m Grey’s girlfriend.” She drew out girlfriend, probably to make certain I knew she was Grey’s. I was completely surprised! He had a girlfriend and he hadn't told me?

“Well, it’s nice to meet you.” I hid the jealousy in my voice the best I could. Where had that come from? I didn’t want to analyze my feelings, at least not at that moment. Instead, I asked Grey, “So, where did the two of you meet?” Lynese was talking with Hank and looked like she could care less what Grey was doing.

“At Renegade.” It was a local dance club a lot of college students and younger crowds frequented.

“How long have you been dating?”

“A few weeks. Why? You sound jealous.” Grey looked like he was about to laugh.

“Not jealous, just curious.”

“Do you like her?” Why he cared what I thought was anyone's guess.

“I guess. What are you smiling at? Don’t you think you should be spending time with her and not over here talking to me?”

“Oh. She doesn’t care. It’s not that kind of relationship anyway. I just think it’s cute that you’re jealous…and you claim not to like me!”

My issue with him, at that moment, was that he acted as if he wasn’t attached to her. What hadhe meant by “not that kind of relationship?” I would find that out soon enough.

Two weeks later, Lindley and I were playing pool when Grey walked over to me, lifted me off the ground in a huge bear hug, and promptly kissed me on the cheek. He’d never done that before and it made me wonder what he was thinking.

“Where’s Lynese?” I asked, struggling to regain my composure. I didn’t want him to see how the kiss had rattled me.

“We broke up.” He didn’t act all that heartbroken over it, either.

I decided right then and there that I needed to clear things up with Scott. I called and left a message: “Scott, this is Hunter. I don't know what’s wrong, but I deserve to know what’s going on with us. Unless I hear from you by Friday night, I will assume we are done. I won’t do this anymore.”

By Friday night I still hadn’t heard from Scott. As I walked in the door after work, the phone rang. Hoping it was Scott, I answered, “Hello?”

“Hey, sexy.” It was Grey.

“How did you get my number?”

“Hank gave it to me. I’ve had it for a long time, but something told me that I needed to call you tonight. What are you doing?”

“I am going to kill that little...” I stopped before I said something I might later regret. I’d given it to Hank a while ago so we could plan our weekends, but I didn’t expect he would give it to Grey. I wasn’t sure how I felt about Grey yet, but I was certain that him having my phone number wasn’t a good thing.

“Whoa, slow down there. I begged and begged until he finally gave in. Don’t be too hard on him. He was only helping out a desperate friend.” Thinking I hadn’t heard his question, he asked again, “What are you doin' tonight?”

“Nothing.”

“Aawww!” I could almost see the devilish grin on his face. “Why don’t you come to the bowling alley with Hank and me?”

“I just want to stay home tonight. Alone.” I put emphasis on alone. I huffed and rolled my eyes again as Grey continued talking. I knew I wasn’t getting out of this one.

“I don’t think so. I'm coming to get you.” He hung up before I could object.

Deciding he would probably make good on his word, especially when it was something he wanted, I changed my clothes and waited for Grey. I was completely shocked when he came to the door for me. I wasn’t surprised, however, that Hank was with him. Hank was always with Grey.

“Do you think Scott will show up?” Grey asked as we walked to his truck. I didn’t answer. I really didn’t want to talk with Grey about Scott, nor did I really want to think about the pain I was feeling. I really was just looking for a low-key night, so I wasn’t at all prepared for what happened later.

Grey, Hank, and I were shooting pool when a guy approached us. I had never seen him before, but apparently he knew who I was.

“Are you Hunter?” His breath smelled as if something died in his mouth. I could also tell he smoked by the nicotine stains on his teeth.

“Yes.” My stomach roiled. “Do I know you?”

“I'm a friend of Scott’s. Carter. He has a message for you.”

“Okay.” I drew the word out.

“He says it’s over.”

With fire in my eyes, I asked Carter where Scott was. Pushing past him, I headed outside. When Scott saw me, he gunned his engine and sprayed gravel in all directions as he sped away. Son of a bitch! I stormed back inside.

Grey noticed my cherry red face and my ragged breathing. “Are you okay?” I pushed his six-foot-five frame out of the way as if he was no heavier than a feather.

As I sat sulking on one of the empty pool tables, I was unaware that this night would change my entire future. Grey knew he couldn’t just come out and tell me he had feelings for me. I wasn’t the type of girl he usually dated. I was a good girl. He played cute and begged me to play pool, but I shut down. I never blew him off if I had a chance to beat him at his game, but I wasn’t in the mood.

I moved to a nearby table and watched the guys play a couple of games. I guess Grey thought he had let me stew long enough, so when he finished the last game he walked over and asked, “Hey there, sexy. Are you okay?”

I looked around as if he were asking someone else, rolled my eyes, and said, “Fine. Why?”

“You don’t look okay.”

“Oh yeah? Why do you care?”

“We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“We are?” He looked at me, hurt.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“If you want to talk, let’s get out of here and go for a drive.”

“You don’t really want to talk, and you know it. I can see right through your friend-like façade. All you really want is to—let me see, how did you put it—get in my pants?”

“I’m not like that anymore.” He sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than me. I had noticed, however, that he didn’t have the same foul mouth as when we first met, at least not all the time. Nor did he smoke, drink, or smell like a brewery when I was around.

“I don’t know. I don’t feel much like being nice, and I have no intention of pretending that I’m okay.”

“Who says you have to be nice, or pretend?”

It was late; I decided a drive wasn’t in the cards for me. I asked Grey to take me home, but not before promising to spend the next day with him. And, of course, Hank too.

Later, as I was getting ready to call it a night, my brother, Derek, knocked on my bedroom door. For the first time in twenty years, I had my own room—my own space. I wasn’t sure I liked being alone.

“What you doin’?” Derek asked.

“Nothing. Why?”

“What’s the matter? You look like someone just killed your best friend.”

“Remember that guy I was dating just before you came home?”

“Yeah. Scott, right?

“He dumped me tonight.”

“Are you kidding me?! That is so wrong!”

“You’re telling me. He didn’t even have the decency to tell me himself. He sent his friend, Carter, to break the news.”

“Whaaa?” Derek was so stunned he couldn’t even finish his sentence.

“Yup.”

“Well, what about that guy who came to get you earlier? Who’s that?” He winked as he smiled.

“Oh. You mean Grey? He’s just a friend. We play pool sometimes at the bowling alley.”

“Huh. The way he looked at you did not say, Hey, let’s be friends. It was more like, You are HOT. I want to eat you for a snack!"

“I don’t think so, Derek. You’ve been out of the dating scene far too long.” I couldn’t help but giggle.

“No, really, Hunter. He couldn’t keep his eyes off you. You two are going to get married,” he sang at me.

“What? No! Are you crazy?”

“Some people think I am, Sis, but the way he was watching you… I can see you two being more than just casual.”

“You have lost it, Bro! All that hot air in Spain must have taken what was left of your smart brain cells.”

I was beginning to wonder if maybe Derek was right. Grey had done a total 180 and didn’t seem like the same person I met when he was dating Lynese. He said he had been going to church and reading The Book of Mormon.

That night, I fell asleep with a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth while dreaming of a tall, blonde-haired, blue-eyed cowboy.

As promised, I spent the next day with Grey. Having only seen the outside of Grey’s house, I was totally unprepared for the clutter and dust that covered almost every inch of the interior. Because I hadn't met Grey’s family and wanted to make a good impression, I didn't so much as flinch. “Hey, Ma!” Grey hollered as we walked into the house. “Hey, Sis!” There was a woman sitting on the floor watching Xena: Warrior Princess.

“This is Hunter. Hunter, this is my sister and my mom.” I turned as an elderly woman walked into the room while Grey was introducing me.

I replied with a friendly hello, but they were engrossed in the show on the television, and neither acknowledged my presence.

Upstairs, Grey's room looked more like an apartment than a bedroom. He had everything!—from a television and DVD player to a mini fridge with snacks. Grey and Hank decided to watch Terminator, but because I was emotionally exhausted from the night before, I quickly fell asleep next to Grey. Sometime later, I woke up to hear them talking. Grey said, “Isn’t she the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?” Hearing him say those words made my heart happy. He thought I was beautiful? I smiled, not letting on that I was awake. As I lay there, my feelings toward Grey began to change. I no longer wanted to be just friends. I wanted to see if there was more to it than that.

“If you hurt her,” Hank threatened, “I will kill you. She’s been through a lot and doesn’t need to deal with your reputation.”

“Dude, I won’t hurt her. It’s because of her that I’ve started going back to church and reading the scriptures. She makes me want to be a better person.”

“I hope, for your sake, you aren’t jerking her around.”

That was the end of their conversation, but I was on cloud nine. Could Derek be right?

There wasn’t a huge announcement when Grey and I officially started dating in April of 1999. We began spending all our free time together getting to know each other—talking about family, friends, the military, and even what we wanted in our futures. The military was something I was against.

“The idea of being the girlfriend of a soldier scares me. What happens if you get called to active duty or decide you want to be active duty?”

“I wouldn’t make the decision to be full-time active duty without talking to you first, but I don’t see the harm in being in a reserve unit.”

“I know you want to. It just scares me. Promise me that if we are going to be together, you will talk to me before making a decision like that.”

I didn’t know it then, but he had already turned in his application for the Army National Guard. It should have raised a red flag when he didn’t respond, but it didn’t. Grey also knew I’d been engaged before, so he broached anything about the future carefully. I was shocked, however, when, out of the blue he told me we were going engagement ring shopping. There we were, only a month into our courtship, and he wanted to go ring shopping? I was scared, to say the least. Thrilled, but scared.

I talked with my mom about this at length, especially after Reghan announced she was expecting her first baby. Of course, more of my “not enoughness” surfaced.

“You know, I think you and Grey are moving too fast, but if being together is what you both want, there is nothing wrong with being married civilly and making a temple marriage something you aspire to, as long as you and Grey want the same thing.”

“It scares me, Mom. What if this fails too? I don't think I can take that.”

My mom then repeated something she had been telling me my entire life. “You need to pray about it.”

I had been praying about it the entire time Grey and I had been dating, but after my mom and I talked, I prayed even harder. I felt this was something I was supposed to do. I didn’t know why yet, but I knew marrying Grey was the right path at that time. I was falling in love with him, and fast. I just continued to hope he would be the knight in shining armor who would take me to the temple and be sealed, not only for time, but also for eternity.

On ring shopping day, Grey surprised me by driving to Temple Square in Salt Lake City, only thirty-minutes from where we lived in Springville. I couldn’t help but wonder if we were moving too fast. I wasn’t sure I was ready to hope that another engagement wouldn’t fail.

“What’s the matter?” Grey asked when he saw the worried expression on my face.

“Oh, just thinking.”

“If that's all you're doing you wouldn’t have that I want to barf look on your face. Now spill.”

“I’m scared.”

“Of me?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know. I think I’m scared this engagement will fail like with RJ. Or maybe I’m afraid it won’t.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. I am not RJ, nor will I ever do what he did.”

However, the matter of being sealed in the temple brought all my fears and doubts to the surface again. We talked about that, too, and Grey reassured me that, although he had issues he needed to resolve, he wanted the same thing.

I did my best to put my insecurities out of my mind as we looked for a wedding set at Diamonds Are Forever in Salt Lake. I wondered why he needed me there to find the perfect ring.

Grey didn’t spend much time looking at rings before he picked one. It was the smallest and cheapest of the rings we looked at, but I didn't care. Since we were already there, I decided to peruse the men's rings and get an idea of which I wanted to buy for him. Of course, I was going to get it when he wasn't with me. There was more of a surprise that way.

Because Grey had bad credit and no job, we ended up using my credit to set up a payment plan and I paid the down-payment on my own engagement ring. This bothered me a little, but not enough to draw attention to it.

Over the next several weeks, I found myself wondering why Grey hadn’t given me the ring. When I asked him, he answered with things like, “When I’m ready,” or, “Not today.” At the end of April, we, along with Hank and Lynese—yes, the same girl Grey introduced as his girlfriend—decided to attend Cabaret at Brigham Young University. This annual dance was the equivalent of a high school prom, with dinner served to the attendees—a big deal for the college, and even bigger for those who were asked.

Going dress shopping with my mom was a lot of fun. We found a dress at JC Penney in the mall that Mom and I deemed “Grandma’s curtains.” At first glance, I was repulsed by all the colorful flowers scattered across the lacy overlay.

“No way! That looks like something Grandma would hang in her windows!”

“Just try it on,” mom urged.

I was pleasantly surprised at what I saw when I looked in the mirror. Definitely not “Grandma's curtains!”

The day of the dance, I was jittery as all get out as I sat in a chair while my mom put my hair up and applied my makeup with an expert hand. I wondered what Grey would think while I watched the transformation take place. Hopefully, he wouldn’t see “Grandma’s curtains” as I had. His reaction, though, was nothing like I expected.

“Wow! You look beautiful!” He couldn’t take his eyes off me.

“Thanks.” The butterflies that had taken up permanent residence in my stomach wouldn’t subside. Nerves? Where had those come from? It was only Grey, for Pete’s sake. He had never made me nervous before. The nerves were good nerves, though, as I realized I was falling hopelessly, head-over-heels in love with him. After RJ, I didn't think it was possible, but there I was, doing exactly that!

We didn’t want to wait in line for pictures at the dance, so my mom, a professional photographer, took our pictures right in the house. Following the pictures, Lynese and I decided we would rather take fast food up to a beautiful spot in Provo Canyon than go to a fancy restaurant for dinner with the guys. We also chose to get fast food because we were trying to save money, and it was so much cheaper than eating at an elegant restaurant. The four of us had so much fun talking, laughing, and joking that we lost track of time and had to hurry to the dance.

As Grey and I danced to the song “Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake, I looked up into the face of the blue-eyed cowboy I swore I would never fall for. How had this happened? I thought as we swayed back and forth. The night wore on in pure bliss. We danced, laughed, walked around, and talked about everything and nothing. I was in heaven!