Valuable Life Lessons

I finally decided that so many people in my life were right. Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt and as long as serious injury is avoided, no one really cares. So with that concept in mind, I swallowed a double shot of whiskey and went out to remove the carseats from my vehicle.

Why use carseats? The kids can just wear seatbelts and if they aren't quite tall enough, a simple plastic box of some kind can boost them - or maybe a pile of cardboard. There isn't any real reason to utilize "booster seats" - they are just a scam to cost me more money and it's just a "recommendation." My windows are tinted and people can mind their own business...

I added a dash of whiskey to my coca-cola and loaded the kids up with the much more affordable seating. My kid's dad saw me, but as long as no actual professional sees it, it is merely his word against mine. Everyone knows that I am a good mother and he is just out to make my life harder!

I then hooked up to my trailer - the kids and I are going to go get those snowmobiles that I bought them. I have a friend with some acreage and got these sweet little snowmobiles for almost nothing since I told them to just keep the helmets. Helmets don't really protect anything and I mean, entire generations didn't use them - and those kids turned out just fine!

Someone flagged me down halfway to the meeting spot for the snowmobiles. I reluctantly slowed and rolled my window down. "Don't you know these are blizzard conditions?! Slow down!" The older woman's voice irritated me and I felt my eyes roll. "Wait - you have kids with you?!"

"Mind your own business. I am a safe driver - probably have more experience than you do anyway since you have California plates!" I snapped at her before driving away.

A while later my kids were complaining of the cold, but they are just fine. I know that the schools have all shut down about this wind chill and blizzard nonsense. What craziness to expect me to follow their guidelines! I mean, those people are just too soft on kids: that is why kids think that they run the world!

They finally whined enough that I let them go inside to play with my friend's kids while I hauled a load of junk for my friend with my trailer. I got pulled over because one of the tail-lights burned out and the officer wanted to use his breathalyzer on me. I know my rights, but it was looking like this was going to be a scene. It was probably my kid's dad telling them about me drinking and driving... like he had any actual proof!

I blew and they had questions, but accepted that I had recently used mouthwash. Besides... it wasn't even that close to the 0.04% mark! The cop explained that my coparent was worried and I laughed along with the officer. We both know how worried the kid's dad is - he has anxiety and doesn't always think things through in a rational way. Everyone does risky stuff!

I really shouldn't have to deal with his emotional problems. There is medication for that and my kids are just fine while I have them! "Overprotective much?" I sarcastically ask as I drop the kids back off at their Dad's place. He gets them most of the time because I am the one who has to carry the financial responsibility since he convinced the government that he couldn't work and he keeps trying to interfere with my parenting time.

"Our fingers hurt daddy!" One of my children immediately tells their dad.

"What happened?" Their dad asks as he examines the slightly blue fingertips.

"They were having fun playing outside. Let me guess... I am not allowed to enjoy playing in the snow with my kids now either?!"

"Yeah, Dad! We had fun, please don't take that away from us! We love riding the snowmobiles SO fast and Mommy doesn't even make us wear helmets!!!"

"What?!" My coparent looked shocked.

"Go ahead and make a big deal... no one will believe your nonsense! I'll see you all in 2 days." I rolled my eyes and drove off. He is so hard to deal with and is so unreasonable!

2 days later, he had a recommendation for safety gear from the doctor. I rolled my eyes and then took my kids out for ice cream after another ride on the snowmobiles - without helmets - because I am allowed my own opinions and choices. Sure, they will be sick all night because he claims they are allergic to dairy. But, just because the doctor's agree with his claims, doesn't matter. I am allowed to parent exactly as I see fit.

And so that the kid's don't tell their dad too soon... I gave them each a little bit of whiskey. It'll help them sleep and that's what people did not that long ago... so maybe he'll quit whining about that too... and maybe I'll actually get some peace from him for a night? Or, I can hope...