Unruly Tomfoolery

In a world of his own rules

the mad man who has no shame.

Excessive he is to most.

Here and now

I will give you a taster

to the uniquely

unruly tomfoolery

of my dad.

A cold crisp evening in November 1994

Smells of spiced apples and bonfires

burnt sausages on sticks

silver jacketed potatoes baked in the embers

the sweetest fluffy clouds of melted marsh mallows.

Breath of warm mist in the icy air.

Excitement and anticipation all around

we four young teenagers and our mum

waited for the magic show to begin.

Dad (our very own Guy Fawkes) had this year bought a different set of fireworks

five cylindrical cardboard red cases

labelled MARINE FLARES.

A positively pleasing purchase from ‘Harrods” he thought.

Dad’s so called ‘Harrods’ was actually the local waste and recycling centre.

Our garden in size, was small.

We were surrounded by houses on all sides.

Boxed in, alike all suburban homes.

We were seemingly the same but, oh so different.

Dad lights the first match

how a tiny spark could ignite such drama

the power it holds.

For a second we stood

frozen still

unsure yet, alert.

Lemurs eyes

wider they open.

Whooosh!

Thick plumes of deep red rose, rise.

We screamed and we ran

like scattering geckos leaving behind their tails

even dad, he ran.

We ran into the house

shouting

“SHUT THE WINDOWS’

‘SHUT THE DOORS’

The smoke cloud grew larger and larger

higher than the house.

A thick sulphur stench.

A school science experiment

lacking in safety and sense.

Would it seep through the cracks in the house?

The expanding swell of colour thickened the air

bellowing bulbous against the windows from the outside.

We quivered together hiding behind the sofa.

What had dad done?

Would it ever disperse?

Would the fire brigade need to be called?

Full of hilarious shame and fear.

A story I now hold so dear.


You see, our dad an electronics teacher by day and a wheeler dealer in life.

He gleefully rides full power against the grain.

The grain of society’s expectation of how we ought to fit in.

An inventor and creator

dad has always craved for fame

in such delusional ways.

Age 62, dressed in his best suit

he auditioned for XFACTOR

tone deaf this did not deter.

Or when he hand built an MDF life size coffin

a gimmick advertisement for his band

he carried it on the roof of his canary yellow Ford Fiesta car.

Just for the attention and the kicks!

Only years later did he find out it was his son, who in the dead of night had stolen and buried the coffin in the local pub car park

all because of shame!

We children were always clenched fists

awaiting for the next punt or trick

many were off the cuff, many accidental.

Whilst dad so kindly offered to do my paper round one day,

he delivered all the papers to the correctly numbered homes

but, the wrong named road.

Or when I was encouraged to sell a TV

he had picked up from ‘Harrods’ fixed and ready to go.

Only to find it wasn’t working

when it came to the face to face sell.

Countlessly he forgot to pick us up from any booked event.

Once he pranced around in mum’s one piece swimsuit for he had forgotten his own.

Another time he chased the ravens at the Tower of London, even though clearly sign posted 'NO'

One bit him and quite rightly so.

Everything he did he thought an entertaining joke.

Even on his 75 birthday during ‘Lock Down’ a video he posted.

An invite to all to come celebrate in the local supermarket,

only to find the police awaiting.

So many embarrassing occasions for us children.

Social survival lessons for sure!

Yet, in so many ways the best

after we had cooled the bruises of our egos

we laughed.

For our dad and his colourful ways

has bought so many stories to our lives.

These tales make our shared memories.

Retelling the horror

brings so much joy.

We have grown resilient with less care of what the world thinks.

We care more of what brings us tears of laughter.

Only now, can I see

in the moment of embarrassment, before your pride stumbles

breathe in deep and breathe out

Repeat.

No matter how deep the shame you may feel on the inside

on the outside no one sees the same.

When you are about to feel that utter shrinking in your body

hault, do not take the severity within.

Take that breath

look up into the sky

and laugh

laugh out aloud.

Pushing away the anxious pressure

opening up room to share the experience

for then others too,

can laugh with you.

Bringing together a loved story to be told and retold again.