Undivided

Dear Mom,

From the beginning, you nurtured me, loved me, and provided me with all of the things that I needed. You have taught me important lessons about life, love, and the kind of person I strive to be.

When I was six years old your encouraging cheers rang out across the soccer field as I danced on the freshly mowed green grass, popping the heads off of any dandelions that I found while I sang,

“Mama had a baby and it’s head popped off!”

I was completely oblivious to the fact that the soccer games, that I was only somewhat participating in, took your time, money, and effort.

After three years of, waiting in hopeful anticipation on the sidelines, watching me sing, dance, and play with flowers, you suggested that I start a “flower girls club” with some of my friends... Looking back, I think you were most likely just exasperated with my flower dances during those weekly soccer games but if you were you didn’t make it known and I was ecstatic about the idea of a flower girls club! Soccer quickly became a thing of the past and "The Flower Girls Club" was formed. You helped plan crafts for us, gave us suggestions, and you gave us the freedom to decide what our club would be all about. You made it fun! You guided and supported me in choosing activities that I thrived in. You have always encouraged me to pursue the things that interest me.

In the fifth grade, a popular girl, who was a year older than me, was bullying me at school so I asked you for advice and you gave me confidence, courage, and excellent advice!

“What you say is what you are!” I told my bully, while remaining stoic—knowing that the tears that attempted to bubble forth could be shed once I was safe at home with you.

My bully surprisingly had nothing to say in return and she didn’t call me names ever again. I just had to show her that I had a bit of self worth and self confidence.

I wouldn’t have had either of those things if it wasn’t for you, Mom. You taught me how to be strong, how to have self confidence, and how to stand up for myself. You were a safe place that I could unravel after a stressful day. You’ve always been there for me whenever I’ve needed you. You stand up for me, and you go to battle on my behalf. You have always been only a phone call away. Dropping everything and anything for me, without hesitation.

You gave me freedom to make my own choices and my own mistakes, while providing supportive guidance along the way so that I could be whoever I wanted to be and whoever I was meant to be.

I am your constant pride… and your constant worry….

I have not always made things easy. As a teen, I was rebellious. I lied about where I was going, what I was doing, and sometimes, I just wouldn’t tell you anything at all. I would drive off, after nothing more than a quick wave of the hand, saying, “Gotta go! My friends are waiting!”

Just like the song by Sarah Evans, I

“…left the suds in the bucket and the clothes hanging out on the line”

until I would show up back at home a day or two later.

Like my friends had waited for me to get to their houses, you were waiting for me to return home….

Unlike how excited I had been to see my friends, I wasn’t so excited to see how much stress I caused you.

Like me, you looked like “something the cat dragged in” and as though, you’re head hadn’t hit a pillow the entire time I was away.

Unlike me, it wasn’t because you had been up all night hanging out with friends… Clearly, you had been fraught with worry, stress, and you were unable to sleep until I returned.

I never would have been willing to admit this back when I was a defiant and moody teen, and despite what I wanted to make you believe, I knew then, and I know now, that you were always right. Thank you for teaching me the difference between right and wrong and for teaching me that our actions always have consequences, good or bad. Every time I have stumbled, you have always been right there to help me back onto my feet and you have always encouraged me to try again.

At the age of twenty-six, I decided to tag along when you and Dad, along with my ten and twelve year old brothers, planned a month long road trip to Arizona. That was the absolute best vacation I’ve ever taken. Hands down.

All of us piled inside of Dad’s truck with the fifth wheel in tow and away we went, cruising down the Oregon coast to California, then onward to Arizona. Stopping at multiple science centers, swimming in the ocean, going for bike rides, checking out tourist attractions, relaxing in the sunshine, and camping wherever we could find a place to pullover, or stay a few days—we had so many laughs and really made the most of our trip. There were only a couple of minor disputes throughout our entire adventure and they mostly just revolved around needing to take a shower, or who got the front seat.

Thank you for all the fun times we have shared, not just on that adventure, but throughout my entire life. There’s been so many and no matter what we do, or what life throws at you, you have always done your best to make life as enjoyable as possible for not just yourself, but everyone around you, as well.

In 2020, when I lost the love of my life, my soulmate, you were my hero. Despite not fully understanding the grief and the pain I was, and still am, experiencing you have always listened, you have always tried, and most importantly, you have never given up on me. From the panicked grief stricken phone calls to my self isolating pit of despair, you have been so supportive through it all.

You have remained a positive light during my darkest of days. For that, I cannot thank you enough.

Mom, you truly make every day much brighter. When you are being pulled in every direction and it seems impossible to keep up, you somehow always seem to manage and always make time for anyone who needs you. You work hard and you never give up. You find the positive in everything. You are the definition of strength.

When I cry, you dry my tears and cry with me. When I laugh, you laugh. When I am angry, you remind me of all that I have to be thankful for.

Although, we don’t always see things the same way, I know that deep down you love me and accept me for who I am. You taught me that people are who they are, that everyone has a story and that their story is not for us to judge.

You are patient, kind, gentle, and compassionate. You have a heart of gold and give freely, never asking for anything in return. Your resilient spirit and loving soul astounds me. You’ve given me the knowledge, love, and guidance to be the very best I can be. I hope that I am half the mother to my children that you are and have always been to me.

Thank you Mom, for being my cheerleader, for supporting me, for guiding me, for always being my best friend, and my biggest fan. You are the absolute best mentor anyone could ever ask for and you inspire me to be the very best I can possibly be. I love and appreciate you so unbelievably much.

Thank you, Mom, for being you.

Love Kaitlyn xo