Truth of Being A Stay at Home Mom....on a Farm

Though it is the last thought on a pregnant woman's mind, you have to think about it some time. Am I going to stay at home with the baby when he/she is born, or will I go back to work when he/she is born.

This was a very touchy subject when I was in the last couple months of my pregnancy. I really wanted to go back to work, my fiance wanted me to stay home with the baby. We went through hours and hours of discussion the last two months of pregnancy. I had all kinds of people trying to give me their opinions on it, which I didn't want to hear. It was Ty and I's decision, and not anyone else. Well as you can tell by the title of this article, I am now a stay at home mom.

Unfortunately, paying for day care on my paycheck wasn't in the books, and it was not in the books for Ty either. So I chose to quit my job and stay home with our little girl.

I am mainly writing this article, because there is a lot of things that can go through your head during this process. Nobody tells you how hard it is to come to this conclusion. Some women this isn't going to bother, and for some it will. I am very independent, so quiting my job and letting someone else pay my bills and take care of me has been very challenging. I am very use to going out and buying what I want, and doing what I need with my money. I also help out with certain bills. Now I can't do that, my fiance has to provide for the family and take care of everything financially. Which I am thankful he did offer me this and has taken that role for our family. Some people that want to do not have that option and would kill to be able to stay home with their babies, so I am not ungrateful in any way for that. I am so glad that I can do this, but at the same time, this if for the mom's who are having a hard time with this.

We also have a farm to take care of, and nobody understands how tiring this is, unless you have taken care of as many animals as I get to every day. Some days I would honestly go back to work in a heart beat, because it is way easier than taking care of everything here. So here are some of the things that stick out the most in my mind, as a farm "wife".

The responsiblity is takes to be a farm "Wife"

When my fiance got my engagement ring for my birthday, he joked around that I have responsibilities now. He has no idea that I literally have taken that to heart, even though I know he was joking. (He's a joker almost all the time). I have always told him I am not really wife material. I am terrible about making lunch and dinner, and sometimes I suck at cleaning. For those of you who know what it's like to suck at doing these things, it kills me somedays when I get overwhelmed and can't get everything done that I set out to do.

The hardest thing about being the farm wife is all of the chores. I spend a good part of the morning and the evening taking care of the animals. We have almost 70 chickens, sometimes more, 12 goats, 5 cats, 1 rabbit, and a dog to take care of. We have to collect eggs at some point during the day, and milk the goats. The eggs are easy, the milking the goats depends on the time of year. We have to stop milking them about two months before they have babies, so they can have a rest. So that is my "off time" from milking. Which is harder than one would think. I go from milking once a day when they have their babies, to twice a day when we wean them. I have a lot of demand for people to buy our milk, because it is legal to sell Raw milk in Wyoming. So I have to milk our goats twice a day to make sure they keep producing milk. Along with that, I still have to take care of the ones we aren't milking. Hauling hay, hauling water, and giving them grain. Same goes with the chickens. Then making sure the cats, dog, and rabbit have food and water just adds to the chaos. Doing all of this is a challenge, which is now even harder with a newborn. So on top of this, trying to keep a house clean, making dinner and lunches for his work, keeping myself fed and healthy, making sure the baby is happy and taken care of, and making sure I take care of Ty as well. It is very overwhelming, especially when running on a couple hours of sleep.

That being said I am very lucky that Ty is great about helping out around the house with cleaning and laundry, but it is still something I feel like I should have done before he gets home.

Adapting to Having the Baby

This part has been the absolute hardest. My chores cannot wait. The animals need fed and taken care of, so it doesn't matter to them that I have a new baby. I have to get everyone taken care of. I never let being pregnant get in the way of farm life, and I haven't after pregnancy either. I have a carrier that she goes in, and that is honestly the easiest way to get her to fall asleep. She loves the sounds of the goats and chickens, so she usually sleep through the entire couple hours we are in the barn. It also makes it interesting throughout the day when trying to do things that I am use to doing. I am use to just walking out of the house and doing stuff outside (mowing the lawn, picking weeds, weedeating, etc.). Now I can't just do that. Sometimes I'll sneak out when she is napping and take care of yard chores and just take my monitor with. We have a camera monitor that goes a long way, so I can see exactly what she is doing every second I am out of the house. And I don't get far away from the house. Even when makin my soap I have to do things differently, I can't touch her while doing some soap stuff because of some of the ingredients used. I don't want her getting burned or anything, so I have to do those things around her sleeping times, or when dad is home to watch her for me. Going to town is another hassle for us. Some people will think this is stupid, but we don't live in town. We live almost an hour away from town, so we can't just turn around and go home if we forget something. It's just not practicle. We need to have everything we could possibly need with us when we go to town. So making sure I have every single thing I need in the diaper bag is pertinent. Along with my purse, wallet, diaper bag, and everything we need to do in town. It gets to be a bit much, which is why I go to town the least amount of times that I need to. Ty usually does the running around errands in town for us.

The Feeling of Never Being Enough

I know that is the most cliche sounding thing in the world, but it has to be said. I seriously cannot stress enough how negatively this can affect a mom. I am guilty of being very hard on myself, I just don't know any other the way. I was raised that way with my father, so I am use to never doing anything right, never being good enough. I have tried and tried, and that is one of my biggest flaws. I never think I am good enough, no matter what someone says to me. It will happen. You won't get dinner cooked. You won't get the house cleaned. You won't get your spouses lunch packed. You won't get all of the laundry done. You won't get yourself showered. (yes that has happened more than once). Some things that you will think are the most important things in the world right then, really aren't. They can all get done another day. I am guilty of feeling this way all of the time. There just isn't enough time in the day sometimes. With a newborn, some days I sleep most of the days while she does, because I am completely exhausted. If you feel this way, do not listen to what other people have dealt with and felt. Everyone feels differently. Everyone adapts differently. Everyone gets back into things differently. You are not a bad mom, wife, girlfriend, etc. Everyone adjusts at their own pace, and you do you. You know you the best, and that is all that matters. You need to push yourself as much as you can. Don't overdo it. That laundry can wait, and if you're as lucky as I am, your man will understand.

Communication is KEY

This is the biggest thing that I want to touch on. Communication is key in any relationship. Now that there is a new baby in the picture, it is even more important. Tell your man how you are feeling, be open and honest. I know this seems like something minimal, but it will seriously help you in the long run. I get grouchy and overwhelmed quite a bit with all of the stuff that goes on at our farm. It is a lot to take, and on top of it, Post Partum Depression took a major form in my brain after pregnancy. This part has been super important for me, because if I couldn't be open and communicate I would be in a very bad place. Tell your man if you are needing a break, tell them if you are tired. Tell them what is going through your head. I do it all of the time, that way if I am snappy or grouchy i am understood a little bit better. I really do try to be nice, but some days I just snap and get grouchy, but I am always honest about how I am feeling. Ty is very good about it and helps out in any way he can. I try to make sure that the baby is taken care of Sunday night through Thursday night to make sure he gets sleep for work. He's an electrician and he does some dangerous work and needs to be able to think clearly while he's working. Therefore I make sure he isn't being woke up every three hours during the work nights. Then Friday and Saturday he takes over and I get to sleep through the night, or sometimes half of the day because I am so exhausted from the rest of the week. This might not seem like a lot, but it is what I need to recoop from the week. And he doesn't complain once about it. Yeah I am sure he gets tired, especially when I had a bad week and I sleep til noon both of those days. But I do not ever hear a compaint about it. He knows what days have been hard and tries to help accordingly.

So as I said COMMUNICATE. It is so worth it.

CRYING, CRYING, AND MORE CRYING

This can go for both you and baby. Mainly the baby, but it depends on what state you are in as a mother. I had Post Partum Depression very severely after pregnancy. Tons and tons of tears from me and baby. Newborns unfortunately can't tell you whats wrong, what's hurting, if they're hungry. So crying is their communication, and unfortunately sometimes they just cry. They cry and cry and cry some more. It is very frustrating. You feel like you are failing as a mother, because you can't figure out what is wrong. Well, you are not. Sometimes they cry because they can't go to sleep. Sometimes they have a tummy ache. Either way, sometimes you just have to walk away. There is no bad way to do it, if you're a holder, hold your baby. If you need a break, just let them cry it out. Every mom has their own way of doing things. I personally am not a holder/codler type of mom. I usually let her cry it out, only after I have exhausted every single that I can think of that could be wrong. There is no wrong way, you just have to figure our your limits and act accordingly. And don't be afraid to ask for help, sometimes someone else just needs to step in so you can have a break. It is absolutely okay, and sometimes completely necessary.

Those are the main things that stick out for me as a stay at home mom, it may be different for others. So in short, no I don't think being a stay at home mom is the luxury that everyone tries to say it is. For some it may be, but to me it is not. It is a full time job itself, especially when you throw a bunch of livestock into the mix. Then it's more like two jobs.

No this may not be the case for everyone, but guess what. That is okay. For those who feel this way, you are not alone and I get it! Please don't give up, just keep on going and you'll find your way.

I really hope this article was helpful for new moms everywhere, and I hope you enjoy more of our stories.