Toxic Mother

Yeah, I said it! Respect my opinion and know that the pain and hurt has to stop somewhere. The lack of accountability is a shame, and we a have to do better instead of hiding the truth and deflecting the pain toward the offspring. Far too many babies are growing up with identity issues and lack of self esteem because the mother has bullied their child based on the simple fact that her storyline marriage did not turn out like a Disney adventure.

I was also a victim of a mother with displaced pain. Never had the opportunity for my mother to never really open up and tell me some of the things she was dealing with and I had every right to know because of the anger she took out on me. It was obvious in some of the things my brothers and sisters got away with. As if she was taking pain out on me from the results of what happened between my father and her.

Unfortunately, I am not the only one that has suffered the backlash of anger coming from a mother who saw the image of their past lover when they looked at their child. So I wonder why women today give men a hard time when the men make a true effort to be in their child's life in every aspect after the relationship has gone south.

I see this flaw with my ex and I see the inter action with her and my son Matthew. Now I have triplets and Matthew is the one who favors me the most. Matthew receives the harshest treatment when it comes to disciplining the kids at all times. I would even believe to event that Matthew told me that he and his mother was once talking and he replied, "because I look like my dad" and then his mother started to beat him after that very statement. Now granted, I always tell Matthew to do what he can to stay out of trouble, but times even his brother and sister notices the unfair treatment that he receives from his mother.

So what is the base of this misplaced treatment that toxic mothers pass out to their children, and why do they give fathers such a hard time, who are trying to be in every aspect of the child's life? The first stage from the mother normally comes with the attempt to alienate. My kids mother made it known to move to a neighborhood that I could afford after I helped her get through school and pay for the certification of her profession. Her second attempt was to cut off communication when the kids weren't with me. Now we have a week on, week off format where we switch the kids every Sunday and keep them for a week. Which I think gives her pain because their is no child support in this process. During the time my kids are not with me, I still like to communicate with them. However, I'm met with the silly tactics of taking the sim card out of their cell phones (which I purchased) or limited access to their PCs. The list goes on and the communication is controlled when I call them during their stay with her.

I know that I am not the only one with this problem. A while back when taking an Uber to an event, the driver was so happy to tell me that his child graduated from high-school and he was no longer responsible for child support. Now I don't know the complete details of his personal dynamics with his ex, and I would venture to say that his problem is common to a great deal of men who have women weaponize child support. This is another toxic trait. Is child support needed? Maybe so! Can child support use some modification? Most definitely!

I don't have the answers and the biggest problem is that we see this learned condition handed down to the next generation. We need to promote two parent life styles for our kids and not alienation. Yes, marriages don't work out for various reasons, but the greater need for child development is on the surface. We don't need to be teaching alienation. When abuse is present, different story. No person should be around a child that is abusive. However, what mental level of abuse is caused upon the child when the mother resorts to a toxic behavior when separating a child from their father? Stop passing down a behavior that is far from beneficial to our community.