Torn Between Two Services

Thank you for sharing this. Your daughter is very talented. OCD is very difficult to deal with. My mom has OCD coupled with dementia and Manic Depressive Disorder - I have my hands very full taking care of her.

Praying for a support breakthrough Rachel! What a talented young lady she is! 💪🏾🎉🫶🏾

Your daughter is lucky to have a parent who truly sees and advocates for her whole self. The way you describe her, her cleverness, humor, attention to detail, and kindness, shines through beautifully. You're absolutely right that she deserves care that meets all of her needs, not services that treat her as a puzzle with incompatible pieces. I hope you find those professionals who will say 'we believe you' and 'we have time.' Sending strength to you both. 💙

I think it's very kind and loving of you, as a mother to allow your daughter to have her privacy. 'Complex' is not a very helpful thing to say to a parent. Sounds like they are bringing you around in circles. I am sorry 🫂 'Either way, her autism is seen as a means to ensure her OCD remains untreated.' I can see how frustrating, this can be. The words you want to hear from a professional makes me want to cry. I wish this could happen. Wish there was something I could do to help. She does art? OH MY GOSH. IT LOOKS SO GOOD. {{You're a fantastic parent Rachel. You have done your absolute best. No I am not just repeating your words. You have. You really have. And none of this was your fault. None of it was. My only wish is that you can believe that, even if it is for a moment. I know it's hard. But I am sending you this anyway. Sending lots of hugs and love 🤗 ❤️ 🖤 You're awesome. You're doing great and this piece speaks true to how amazing of parent you are. Please continue to be, no more than who you are right now 🫂}}

Wow that’s some drawing. Support, support and more support is always much needed. Thanks for sharing

Your words carry both strength and tenderness. I truly hope they reach the people who need to hear them most. 💛

I understand this on a very deep level. I recently responded to another Vocal author who was struggling with so much anxiety, it had essentially become agoraphobia and she hadn't gone outside in over a year. In response, I wrote about my own experience with anxiety, The Turning Point. Reading that might be a little help. More relevant to your situation was the situation I had with my son, who had autism. He also was very bright and funny, but he struggled with anxiety and OCD. I responded to someone else's Vocal article about neurodiversity, that illustrated the tribalism point you brought up. She said neurodivergence is a gift and she couldn't understand why anyone would want to see the cause identified, or to see it cured. I pointed out that as a former teacher, she only saw the quirky kids who sometimes had talents like art, or math proficiency, or total recall. She didn't see the kids who are in constant pain, or who hate that they're different, or who hurt themselves, or who are so overstimulated by the world that they can't function. That's why it's called a spectrum, and a disability. Similarly, this tribalism is nothing new. My first girlfriend, back in high school, was deaf. She told me that in the deaf community, there's a debate about whether they should ever get cured, if that was ever an option. Would they, could they, hear, if given a chance? And now, many years later, with cochlear implants and other advances, some people who have never heard anything since birth, are hearing for the first time. Yet deaf people, like neurodivergent people, are pushing back against the disability label by saying they're not disabled, and they want to be left alone. I think that's a matter of choice. One size does not fit all. As for how to help your daughter, I understand the struggle. My son didn't fit every description either, and we were given different options, which didn't mesh. He could be overstimulated, he could be triggered, and it took a while to learn what those triggers were. Our challenge as parents was to learn what the problems were using the clues and what he was able to tell us, like detectives. Then help him work with those. Because you can't avoid everything. Every person has to deal with the world. You just need the tools. Reach out to your daughter in a way that makes her feel like you understand, so she doesn't feel like she's alone. She's probably familiar with Mommy being nice to her. But does she know you understand the problem? I struggled with coordination as a kid. I couldn't catch, I was afraid of everything. So I was able to reach out to my son by understanding why it was hard for me to do things, then help him do those things, so he could catch, he could interact with people. We were told we could cure his behavioral issues with ABA therapy. It was the only thing we were really given. We decdied against it, because one of the things that made him unique was empathy. He was a sweet kid. ABA would likely make him a well-behaved robot, if it worked at all. We opted to keep him as the kid he was, but get him to curb some of his behaviors himself. The OCD is yes, a means of adapting to the world. The world is chaos. My wife has raging OCD. The problem with OCD is it usually starts with valid concerns, like diet, germs, safety. But then it gets out of control. You have to find ways to dial it back. Provide more options, and show things will be okay if you don't do what the OCD wants you to do. Essentially, get down to a mantra of "it's okay. Everything is fine." Because it usually is.

Thank you for sharing this. I have been lucky with my daughters. I will read and take this in, though I can't really advise you, just support her in any way you feel you can. Her art is beautiful