Time to Cut the Umbilical Cord

Wikipedia states - A spoiled child or spoiled brat is a derogatory term aimed at children who exhibit behavioral problems from being overindulged by their parents or other caregivers.

So I ask myself, is that what I've done? Did I overindulge my first born? Looking back over the past twenty years, I think I can finally see the error in my ways. I honestly thought I was being a good mother.

Angel baby. That is definitely what my daughter was. Born on the 25th of May in 2000. My Millenium child was destined for greatness. My firstborn was a real joy and immaculate teacher of how to be a mother.

She never cried much unless wet or hungry. She slept through the night. Whenever she woke up there was a constant smile on her face that never quite went away. I must say she was perfect for me.

As the time flew by, she went from baby to toddler which seem to happen overnight. She always wanted to do things on her own. I remember when she was three months old. Feeding time was absolutely amazing. I had to find creative ways to feed and cook dinner. So what does the first time mommies do? Prop the bottles up, of course. Bad advice seems conveniently right at the time.

The bottle would never seem to stay in a position that she could get enough milk. I prop it up and it fell down. I prop it up and it fell sideways. Nevertheless, no matter what I did I couldn't keep it in the right position and she made sure I knew how displeased she was with my feeding technique. Long story short, my baby grew seriously irritated with that bottle falling down, and the next time I looked up she was holding it with both her little hands. I guess she figured if you want it done right just do it yourself.

First, that bottle, then the intelligent baby babbling, next comes crawling, walking and we are now entering pre-school. Literally, it happened that fast. She was always so smart. No problems in school. And she never met a stranger because everybody was a friend to her. I just love this perfect little darling.

It appears she could do no wrong. This made me a very proud mother. So what does the first time mommies do for perfect little darlings? Shower them with lots of praise. Smother them with tons of hugs and kisses. Give them everything their little heart desires. Couple all that with extra love and attention from grandma and grandpa - the world was at her fingertips.

As time flew by, she went from baby to toddler which seem to happen overnight. She always wanted to do things on her own. Let's fast forward this love story. In 2018 I was a proud mother of a high school graduate. My darling little angel has grown up. Tears of joy swell my eyes as I dropped my daughter off at college. Then it happened! My darling angel somehow transitioned into something unknown. My honors student was now barely sustaining on the academic scale. She picked up some bad habits that I would rather not reveal. Let's just say we could have definitely been the stars on the show "Intervention" or "Iyanla fix my Life".

Who is this young lady that flunked out of college? Who is this person who grossly underestimates the definition of perseverance? She won't clean her room. She complains about a chore (as in ONE chore). Every comment I make, she has three more to add to it. She can't boil an egg. She can't keep a job. She even had the nerve not to eat one evening because I would not fix her plate. I wish this were merely a story, but even I don't believe this experience. I'm living it. How could a child so perfect grow up to be so spoiled???

Am I the only mother who met this fork in the road with great confusion? While you cannot rewind the clock and get a re-do? Moving forward, there are some steps you can attempt to take to get things back on track. At the ripe age of 20, I have incorporated something I have never done while she was growing up. I call it RANT, Responsibility, Accountability, NO, and Talks.

She is now responsible for household chores. I have always done everything out of habit. I cooked, cleaned, praised her, and gave her much. Just doing what a good mother does. My daughter never caused much trouble or had to be disciplined. She genuinely was a good kid. Nowadays, when she doesn't do her chores or decides my comments need her additional comments, she is held accountable for her actions, and discipline in some form is issued. I finally learned that it is okay to tell your child NO. Giving your children everything is the main ingredient for a spoiled child. Even if your children are good, it does not necessarily mean you should buy or give them gifts. More importantly, you must have the talks. Talks about life and why you are implementing the changes in their life.

A child that is used to having their way can begin to internalize your newfound changes into a negative belief or not feeling loved. Your talks should always reinforce your love for them and desire for them to strive in life. Please be advised that at this late stage, opposition to change is normal and expected, but your grown child is worth it. Progress with my now twenty-year-old daughter has been slow, but it is definitely coming along. At age 39, I had my third child and you can best believe I have perfected what NOT to do.