Time Lost

Tick. Tick. Tick. The clock was the only sound in the room. Silence filled the space as our hearts clenched at the words the attorney had just spoken, “His will and testament is as follows…”. Each grandchild was to receive twenty thousand dollars for their education. Those that had already finished college were free to use the money as they wanted. I was one of the lucky few who would be able to spend their money freely. Grandpa was a strong force in our family. He was incredibly good with money and managed to pass along those values to us kids. He believed that if you worked hard enough for something you could accomplish anything, or die trying. I was the spokesperson for the “die trying” part of his philosophy. In college I majored in English and wanted to pursue a career in writing. I ended up with a bachelors in English and a job working for a retirement facility. I was never one to complain, my grandmother had gotten me the job because she has friends that live there. I am in charge of the group activities.

My eyes darted from the attorney, who was waiting for the first voice to break the silence, to my grandmother who was sitting in a huge leather arm chair that had belonged to my grandpa. She was deep in thought and tapping her fingers on her thighs. She finally looked up and her eyes locked with mine. I smiled at her. It was a mix of pity and love. She smiled back, but it wasn’t her usual smile of warmth and tenderness. She smiled at me like she was about to tell everyone a huge secret.

“Thank you everyone for coming.”

My parents, my two aunts and their collective four children, my brother, and the attorney all looked around at one another as if silently asking each other what was going to happen.

“As you all know, I am selling the house, and will be moving into Grand Oaks Retirement House. Your grandpa was very understanding of my plan and has allowed me to do whatever I please with his assets. I will use the money from the house and his various other real estates to take care of myself. With the rest, I will divide among Brian, Jill and Linda.”

Brian is my father. He’s the oldest of the three, Jill is the middle child and my aunt Linda is the baby. My aunts were very much daddy’s little girls so naturally they inherited a lot. My dad was the pride and joy, therefore, he inherited the company. My dad was beaming with pride. My grandmother knew he’d take great care of the company and would be very successful in the world of banking. My parents were very content with this decision. My brother was still in high school so he was naturally frustrated because he would have to spend his money on college which he had no plans of attending. He’s in a band and wants to travel for gigs, maybe that could be worked out, after all, my grandmother was in charge now. She had always supported our dreams no matter what they were. She showed up at one of my brother’s gigs downtown and stayed the whole performance. He had always adored her for that.

My grandmother’s name is Lucille. She was a stunning woman. We loved seeing her photos throughout their large house growing up. She was breathtaking. My grandfather used to say he stole her from every man in town because every man had wanted to marry her. She’d laugh and tell him, “Frank, you are crazy”. They seemed really happy. I was suddenly worried about her.

“I am happy to be living out my golden years with some familiar faces.”

She smiled at us all as if she had said she won the lottery. My parents stood and went to her. They embraced one another and then my aunts and uncles joined in. It seemed as if everyone had heard what they hoped they would. The attorney thanked my grandmother and collected her things to leave. My grandmother walked her out as the rest of us decided to head to the dining room for dinner. Knowing it would be one of the last family dinners in the big old house, we all embraced the time. We sat and shared stories. My grandmother laughed with a mouth full of food as her eyes filled with happy tears. Our family was close. We knew we would all be able to move on, but we worried about my grandmother. Would she find happiness again?

That night after dinner the families all kissed each other goodnight and went home. I stayed behind at my grandmother’s request. During dinner she had expressed her joy in knowing that I would be around a lot since I was an employee at Grand Oaks. My mother and father were proud of my employment, so I didn’t have the heart to say that I wouldn’t be there much longer once I found a job in publishing. Plus, it's not like I had any leads right now anyway. So, I just smiled and assured every one that I would keep a close eye on my grandmother. Once everyone had left it occurred to me how quiet and big the house really was. As the door closed and my grandmother turned toward me, I reached out and took her into a tremendous hug.

“What is this for?”, she asked as she let out a breath.

“You needed a hug and I wanted to give you one”.

She smiled and said, “I did, didn’t I? Well, thank you. You can stay in the guest room downstairs.” We decided to call it a night and head to bed early. I didn’t mind because I knew it was a big day for her tomorrow. Sleep was much needed after such an emotionally exhausting day. I walked her to her room and just as I was closing the door she stopped me.

“Thank you Lulu.” She called me by my family nickname.

I was named after her and for short the family called me Lulu. It was a nickname my grandmother gave me as an infant. It felt as if somehow she felt a strong connection to me since my father had wanted to name me after her. When I was growing up my parents had said I looked exactly like her. As I got older, the resemblance became stronger and stronger. I think my grandmother loved that about me, she always treated me differently than my brother or cousins. I didn’t mind.

I smiled at her and she said, “I have a bunch of old boxes sitting around the room. I haven’t gone through all of them, memories you know, you could just stack them in a corner if they are in the way.”

I smiled and said, “I’ll do that. Now, get some sleep, we have a big day tomorrow.”

She gave me one last hug before saying, “Goodnight my sweet Lu and thank you for being here.”

When I got into the room I noticed the boxes right away. There were six cardboard boxes. I looked into the first box because it had been left open. It looked like my grandmother’s stuff. There were old pictures and yearbooks. I picked up the first photo album and peeked inside. There were pictures of my grandmother as a child. I continued browsing and noticed how much I really did look like her. I looked through about two albums and then came across a yearbook. The year was 1964 and my grandmother was a fifteen year old knockout. Even as a freshman my grandmother was gorgeous. I continued flipping through the book and then came across a picture of a young guy, there was a red heart drawn around his face. Beside the heart it read, Forever mine. Charles was his name. This must have been my grandmother’s high school sweetheart. He was beautiful. It was like looking at the world’s most beautiful couple. I flipped through until I came across the section for signatures and I scanned for his. I found it and after I read it my heart squeezed. It read:

Lulu, words will never be enough to explain how I feel about you. Your beauty is not only on the outside but it glows from within. You have the biggest heart and I am lucky just to know you. I am sorry my family is moving this summer, but I will write to you everyday. Sophomore year will not be the same, school will not be the same. I am heart broken. Never forget me Lu. I will love you forever.

I closed the book and realized a tear had slid down my cheek. I hastily grabbed the next year's book. Looking through it, I noted the absence of Charles. My grandmother looked older with each new year and gained in beauty as well. She had dated the town’s most eligible bachelor, Frank Spinelli, my grandpa. At her senior prom there she was on my grandpa’s arm and a huge smile on her face as she wore a crown proudly. So, she must have fallen in love with my grandpa then. There were no other pictures or letters from Charles in the box. By the time I had looked through all six boxes it was midnight. They all consisted of old family albums and portraits. She must be planning on taking them along with her to Grand Oaks. Most of the elderly brought photo albums. I let out a breath and was about to get ready for bed when I noticed a black leather notebook. True, it looked just like all the other notebooks, but this one stood out for it’s huge red heart on the cover. Remembering the red heart around Charles’s face, I was intrigued. I took it out of the box and opened the cover. It had one simple line that read Time Lost. I flipped to the second page and realized it was a dairy, my grandmother’s diary. I should have put it back in the box, but something pulled at me to read it. I decided it would be good bedtime reading material and slipped between the covers.

The diary was all about Charles and I got really excited to know more about him. They were high school sweethearts and Charles had been my grandmother’s first love. I read about how they met. I read about the love my grandmother had for him and how much Charles had made her laugh. She talked about his eyes and his voice. Just my grandmother’s words alone had me falling in love with this Charles. By time I had gotten to the middle of the diary, I had learned that Charles came from a strict military family and had moved away the summer after freshman year. My grandmother was heartbroken, but maintained communication through letters. The letters started coming back unanswered by the end of sophomore year. His family had picked up and moved again and he didn’t think it was fair to have her waiting on his letters. He had stated in his last and final letter that he wanted my grandmother to find happiness and to live her life to the fullest. He had hoped that one day their paths would cross again. My grandmother wrote about him often. She had saved everything, even his letters. I decided not to rummage through their correspondence, but then something caught my eye. A letter from Charles, but this one was dated a few days ago. The returning address is what really stood out, it was the address for Grand Oaks Retirement House. With a heartfelt sigh I turned out the lights and nestled under the covers. It looks like my grandmother is going to be just fine after all.