This holiday season feels so different for me

Losing my dad has left a void that no celebration or tradition can fill. Grief has this way of turning joyful moments into bittersweet ones, and figuring out how to get through this time of year without him has been tough.

The holidays were always about connection for us—family gathered around the table, laughter filling the house, and traditions that made everything feel warm and whole. My dad was at the heart of it all. He had this way of bringing light and joy into every room. This year, his absence is felt in every quiet moment and unspoken word.

I’ve learned that grief can really mess with your mind. When we lose someone we love, our brain often switches into what Dr. Jim Doty calls “fear mode.” He’s a neuroscientist who explains that fear mode is basically our brain’s fight-or-flight response kicking in. It’s controlled by this little part of the brain called the amygdala, and it can make us feel anxious, overwhelmed, or stuck. I’ve definitely felt all of that since losing my dad.

Dr. Doty also talks about something called “heart mode.” It’s when we make a conscious effort to shift out of fear and into a place where we let love, compassion, and courage guide us. Heart mode doesn’t take away the pain, but it helps calm the panic and makes room for healing. For me, it’s about leaning into the love my dad and I shared instead of getting lost in the fear of living without him.

Some days, I feel okay—I can laugh, enjoy loved ones, and even find moments of peace. Other days, the weight of missing him feels unbearable. I’m learning to hold space for both. And when I do, I find comfort in small things, like lighting a candle in his honor, playing his favorite songs, or cooking his signature dish. These little acts don’t make the pain go away, but they remind me that love doesn’t just stop when someone’s gone.

Leaning on others has been a huge help, too. Talking with family and friends who loved my dad—sharing stories, laughing, even crying together—has shown me I’m not alone. Grief feels so personal, but it also connects us in a strange, beautiful way.

Healing, I’m realizing, isn’t about moving on or forgetting. It’s about carrying the love and memories with me. My dad’s spirit is still part of my life, and that gives me hope. Hope that I can find joy even in the sadness. Hope that the memories will start to feel warm instead of heavy. And hope that, over time, the pain will soften, leaving me with an even deeper appreciation for the love we shared.

The holidays will never be the same without him, but I’m starting to believe they can still hold meaning. They can be a time to honor the past, cherish the present, and find hope for the future. If you’re dealing with loss this season, I hope you know you’re not alone. You’re stronger than you think, and healing is something we can figure out together. Sending love and light your way. ❤️

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