Thinking About my Dad

TI knew something was wrong the night I left the house for my shift as a security officer. I helped my uncle get my dad to the bathroom, he had an accident on the bed.

I went to work. it was my turn to do the first round, I left my phone on the desk and went for an hour-long walk through the building.

At the halfway point of the round,I had to double-back and get on the elevator by the desk. that's when I heard the phone ring. It was a Pinellas County Sheriff's Deputy.

My dad had died a few hours after I had left for work. I turned in my badge and keys and went home. When I got home my dad's body was gone.

My mom's brother had moved in with us in 1994, my mom died soon after he moved in. He cared for my mom while my dad and I worked, he also took care of my dad.

I had to take a week off from work to get my dad's affairs in order and get him cremated. I was forty-six years old. For various reasons, I had never lived on my own . I had no experience doing basic things like pay utility bills or mortgage payments.

I learned in a hurry, I placed the house on the market. I dealt with the Realtor. I found a less expensive place for my uncle and me to live.

My dad worried about me. I have Learning Disabilities and Mental Health issues. Dad didn't believe that I could get things done without help.

My dad would have been proud. I sold the house and rented a truck and drove it myself. my uncle and I moved most of the stuff in the house to three storage units.

I hired a homeless couple that was sleeping in the wooded area by the house to help us. My uncle and I lived in the trailer for eight years.

Dad would be amazed. I was always shy. I never dated, I went everywhere alone. After my uncle died, I started online dating. I had a good time, but I wasn't satisfied.

I quit looking for love. I met a woman on FaceBook. I married her. We have been together almost five years. My dad thought I would be alone my whole life.

It was rough the first few years after my mom died. My dad and I are too much alike, but we are also very different. We butted heads quite often.

When that happened my uncle would stay in his bedroom. until the screaming and cursing stopped.

It's a funny thing, when my mom was alive, she would get between my dad and me, in a misguided attempt to protect me. After her death, my dad and I had no barriers.

We would fight, but we also learned to understand and communicate with each other.

In the twelve years after my mom died, my dad and I built a strong relationship. We were comfortable with each other and enjoying each other's company, then too soon, he was gone.

We never talked about it, but we both made a conscious decision to learn how to talk to each other and get along. I am proud of the fact that we did that.

My wish is that people would reconcile with their parents if they can. I know it's not always possible or desirable, but make peace if you can.

Life is too short. Once a family member is gone, it's too late to say what you should have said. Make peace while you can. Regrets are terrible things.