Things You Realize After Losing A Loved One

1. They will no longer be by your side when you need them.

That person that was going to give you away at your wedding, the one who gave you advice on school and relationships, the one who sat with you at church because they were the only one who would go with you. They’re now gone and you don’t know what to do. Who’s going to go worship God with you? Now you go by yourself and pray to God and your loved one. Who’s going to help you with relationships? Now you don’t know what you deserve and repeatedly get hurt and wonder why it happened. Your future spouse will never meet the person who gave you so much to be thankful for.

2. This pain doesn’t heal as easily as heartbreak.

Heartbreak hurts. You feel as if someone is tugging on your heart strings or as if they’ve been cut in half. You get that aching feeling in your throat. Your heart feels as if it’s being stabbed, and you nonstop try to hold back your tears. You continuously tell yourself that you’ll never heal from this, but you do. You end up finding peace within yourself and you heal. That’s how heartbreak works. But with this, you continuously have that aching feeling in your throat. You always want to cry. You cry so much that you wonder how your body can produce so many tears in one day. Instead of getting that stabbing pain in your heart, you feel as if an entire piece of your heart is missing. This pain continues to go on. It’s a nonstop pain that you want to stop, but it won’t. You’ll find yourself in 30 years still crying about this.

3.You pray to them instead of God now.

You used to sit on your bed and pray to God that things would get better. You would sit on those chairs at church and pray to God followed with an “Amen”. Now you sit on your bed and pray to your loved one and make sure they’re doing okay. Everything could be going wrong with your life and you still take the time to pray to them and make sure things are going well with them up there. You then ask them to help you and make things better. You know things probably won’t get better but praying to them helps. You’ll always have someone who’s listening.

4.Everything reminds you of them.

Those pictures that lay across your dresser or along your wall, stay untouched. All you do is look at those pictures when you need to see your loved one. That afternoon summer smell gives you a small flashback of them working on the cars or those car rides to wherever. That chair that wasn’t assigned to anyone, yet you knew it was theirs, remains empty. You hope this isn’t real and that they’ll be home anytime soon.

5.You’ll never think this is real.

No matter how many people tell you this is actually happening, you still have a small amount of doubt in your mind. You think this may not be real. Once you do realize it’s real, you cry. You’ll continuously cry and hope to stop before someone walks in and sees. But crying is okay and time will heal the pain.

6. You'll wish you made more memories with them.

I never thought we would stop making memories, until we had to. He was my best friend and we did everything together. He was there at the drop of a dime no matter what I needed him for. He was always there. Now he's not and that hurts the most. I still giggle at our memories and look at our photos. I wish we could keep making memories, but now I have to live on for them.