THE WORLD IS GREY

We live in a world where time is limited. I, I was 5 years old and I didn’t know what that meant for us in life. I mean I was just a kid, an innocent child who knew nothing.

I didn’t understand how the world worked. I would see my mommy packing my lunch for school but I could see in her eyes she was exhausted from how much she worked for me. She would buy me gifts for my birthday and Christmas, of course. I did cherish them but I could see the bags under her eyes, the tired eyes when she woke me up every morning to go to school. The breaking voice when she said,

“Sofia, breakfast is ready”

I know my mommy wasn’t herself anymore but she would tell me she’s sleepy or tired from work but I didn’t believe her. I know she was in so much pain when I would hear her in the middle of the night to her crying.

She didn’t want to feel any more pain when dad left us, he left us for another girl. I don’t understand why he would do that. I would always blame me. It was my fault that Mommy and daddy aren’t together anymore. Even when he was with us he would tell me I’m annoying or that I was a mistake to be born.

I would always cry and tell God to take me away so daddy and mommy can still be together but that never happened.

My mom was in so much pain that she wanted to kill herself. I didn’t let her but I would always see her go to the bathroom. I found them. I found pills in the cabinets! My mom was taking the pills. Tears running down my face when I saw my mom collapse to the floor.

I tried to wake her up and said “Mommy please wake up”

I called 911 and said they were going to be there in 5 minutes. I could just see my mom aching, crying, and suffering so much. She told me she didn’t want to be here anymore. She couldn’t leave me in this world alone. I need her to be with me.

Is that how cruel life is? People leave just in the blink of an eye. Why would you leave? I don’t understand? I’m only 5 years old.

Now I’m 14 years old and I got older. I still look out for my mom but now she’s been getting drunk and smoking a variety of drugs. I tell her to stop before something happens to her but all I get is,

“fuck you I don’t need you to be telling me what to do”

I mean it does sting a bit when she tells me awful things but it’s okay. I can’t run. I can’t go anywhere I know she wants to change but I can’t do anything about it.

I went to go buy groceries since I had little money inside my piggyback. It wasn’t much but it was something for us to eat. As I was shopping for groceries I noticed people were getting ready for the holidays.

I couldn’t buy ham or turkey for us to eat. So we were stuck with eggs and milk.

Then this couple with their 3 kids had their cart full with so much food. The man kept staring at me like if he knew or something but I just ignored it and kept shopping through the aisles.

It was time for me to pay and the same couple I saw earlier was behind me. The lady told me it was $9.45 but I only had 6 dollars with me so I just left the eggs and the milk.

As I was walking to my house, someone tapped me on the shoulder and it was the man I saw at the store. He gave me a bag that had eggs, milk, and cereal and so many goods. I know there are good people out there. He told me what was my name and if I had school with his kids.

I told the man my name is Sophia and the guy's smile turned into a frown.

I told him what his name was. He said, Jonathan

My heart stopped and I said thank you to him and started running to the house.

That’s my real dad's name. It can’t be him right! I rushed home to see if I could find any pictures of my dad and I found a few.

It was him… that was my dad….