After many years of constant struggle. I always felt like giving up when there was no hope. You can not rent a home for $800 or more a month and save money. It isn't possible for a mother with two kids. It should not be an arm an a leg to survive. How does one get ahead?
The emptiness and pure devastation eludes me. How do I find comfort in empty walls I don't dare to cover just in case I can't afford this months rent. No sense, it will just end up in boxes eventually anyways. As I look into my little girls eyes as she says "Mommy, is this a temporary home?" I have to answer her. "Yes love, this is our temporary home." I feel like I am quoting a Carrie Underwood song over and over again.
Chasing dreams, chasing rainbows, chasing that pot of gold that will never be found and if it is found.. will it just be a pot of water instead? I can't help but ask myself such questions.
A failing abusive relationship, empty shadows that follow me filled of despair and yet I still have hope. I still fight everyday hoping this emptiness will soon go away.
My girls deserved better than this. I am so driven, so motivated, I work so hard. I try to excel at everything I do but still, I can't seem to save one red cent so we can buy a home. Something not falling apart. Something my babies can make their own. Where? Where did I go wrong?
I still continue in a positive way. I still continue to wake up. Slap a smile on my face because in the end. I am still the richest woman in the world. I have daughters that money could never buy. I have happiness when I see them smile. When I see them see me work so hard and strive so hard so they can be happy. I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I have had to work hard for what I do have. Even if that means I have $3.00 left in my banking account. I still have a car, I have a roof over my head, my bills are paid. For now anyways. I will still put that smile on my face and own it. I have more than what some rich people do. I have real friends. I have real life. I am humble. I am kind. I also have the love and respect from my 6 and 10 year old baby girls.
The moral of all this is to remember what you do have and count your blessings, no matter how minimal they are. You got this.
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