The Pear Tree

The air carried a cool mist as the sun went into hiding. Time slowed as dark grey clouds invaded the sky. A chill washed over me as I stood outside the church doors awaiting an entrance. I braced myself. The man I loved and respected more than anyone in the world was just on the other side of the door. My grandfather was gone.

My emotions were in shambles. My heart was breaking while my mind was trying to psych me into believing that he is in a better place. I stood behind cousins that haven’t seen each other in months, trying to laugh through their pain. However, for the life of me, I couldn’t laugh with them. “Everybody grieves differently,” the voice in my head said trying to help my confusion.

“We asked that the family please form a line of two people side by side so we can get started.” A short stubby woman with a black dress suit and two inch pointed toe heels stated as she walked pass the crowd of family members waiting outside to pay respects. Her heels clicked down the walkway as she repeated the same sentence several times. The family formed a line of two, ready to face the music.

My cousin Tristan took his place in line right next to me. He stood six foot four, bald, heavy built with muscles that were hard to see under his tux. He grabbed my hand, snapping me out of my trance, and said “You ready for this?” I mustard up a half smile and replied, “Are you?” We looked at each other trying to be strong but the conversation we had the day before reminded us that we were anything but.

I remembered the conversation on the phone vividly as it replayed in my head. I sat on the living room couch, with the phone pressed to my ear listening to him talk. “I think God made a mistake about this one bruh,” he said.

“Why do you say that?”

“I don’t know I just feel like maybe taking Pop was a mistake.”

“I get what you’re saying, I said the same thing too at first. However, you must look at it like this, how many times have you visited Pop and he told you that was tired and ready to go? If he could be anywhere in the world, where would he want to be?”

“Many times, and he said he just wanted to be back with his wife.”

“Exactly, and who are we to ask him to come back here to be with us when he was hurting so much. I felt like I was thinking selfishly. I love him so much that I am willing to put my feelings aside so he can happy.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. I didn’t really look at it that way. Are you going to be alright?”

“Yeah, are you?”

“I hope so, he was the only dad I ever really had.”

“I know.”

The wrestling trees brought me out of my trance. The leaves fluttered angrily as if to warn us of the storm ahead. However, right in the middle of a field of oak trees stood a pear tree, tall and firm. The craziest thing about it was this tree did not move. Nothing, pears all ripped, branches, not one single leaf. The tree stood perfectly still as all the other trees wrestled in the wind.

“Alright in a few minutes we will be opening up the doors. We just ask that everyone give the people ahead of them some time to view the body and pay respects.” The stubby woman shouted, bringing my attention back to the church. She stood at the entrance holding a blowhorn like a middle school administrator. The crowd fell silent, as everyone put on brave faces. I looked over the organized crowd of children to grandchildren to great grandchildren. From daily faces, to monthly to yearly. Children he bred that bred that bred their own. Everyone stood for and came to celebrate him. I tried to take a deep breath, but it felt like there was an evil hand grasping at my neck. I felt choked. But I was not going to allow this evilness to kill me before I got a chance to pay respect to a man I so desperately loved.

I closed my eyes and asked the Lord for strength.

The doors of the church flung open and a cool breeze from inside the church ambushed our face. My heart began to beat rapidly, and my feet were still stuck in place. The line began to move toward the loud instrumental music playing through the speakers inside. Two at a time every family member walked into the rosemary/pine smelled church. Before I knew it, it was my turn to go inside, and my feet magically began to move. As if having a mind of their own, I couldn’t stop them. They knew exactly where to go.

They guided my body toward the light blue casket, as my grandfather lay inside wearing a black tux. His facial expression showed that he was laughing and that brought tears to my eyes and a smile on my face. It was good to know that his last few moments were positive. We said our final goodbyes and took our seats, everyone else did the same.

The doors closed.

Different people stood up to talk about their experiences with my grandfather. Some were funny, most were sad, and others weren’t even about him. My body got up and my feet walked me over to the podium. I stood there facing the crowd. As it fell silent, I felt a sense of emptiness. I had no words and didn’t know what to say. “Say what’s in your heart baby.” The voice in my mind said. “Thank you.” I replied. Before I began, I took a deep breath, this time successfully, and spoke.

“If I had to describe my grandfather in one word, that word will be: Stronger. I remember when I came home from a date with a guy, I was very upset and confused. My grandfather was sitting outside, and he was watching his field. I took the seat next to him and I said, ‘Granddaddy, why can’t I find a decent man out here that has the same moral values that I was raised with. All these men act like women.’

He laughed and said, ‘Maybe you are looking in the wrong places bae.’

‘Granddaddy, I have been looking everywhere, they ain't out here.’

‘Maybe you need to find someone strong like your daddy.’ I looked out at the open field, trying to find the best response. ‘Yeah, he is strong, but I want someone like you Pop,’

‘Like me? Why you want a man like me?’

‘Because you’re stronger. You are the only man I know that did not run out on his wife after baby number three. After 17 kids you stayed humble having to have to deal with so many different emotions and personalities. You didn’t have much but you made a way. You also kept your door open to others in the neighborhood and raised them as your own. People showed you the upmost respect when you entered the room. Teaching all your children, grandchildren and great grands that we will not take disrespect from anyone. To hold our head up and walk with no fear. To love with no limitations. To stand strong even through a moment of weakness. To forgive but never forget. Someone who has professed his love for his wife before, during, and after death. To provide for his family using hard work and dedication, and to protect his legacy by any means necessary. Through everything that this family has been through, you remained stronger than everyone else and I love you most for that.’

I watched a smile go across his face. I stood up, hugged him, and walked into the house.’ I am thankful that I was able to meet a real legend, and to be a part of his legacy. So should you, thank you.”

The crowd stood as a stampede of applause filled the room. Tears flooded my face as I walked back to my seat. Hands reached out for me, some people hugged me, and others talked about how proud they were.

I looked at the casket noticing my grandfather standing behind it and looking directly at me. Thick white feathered wings were on his back, and he wore a glow around his frame. I was afraid to take my eyes off him, but I didn’t want him to disappear. “Granddaddy.” My voice trembled as I tried to get up to get to him. “Thank you, bae. I really appreciate everything you said. I love you all.”

“Granddaddy wait,” I reached out to try to grab him as he turned to walk toward a bright light near the back of the church. “Wait Pop, I don’t understand.”

“Pop!” I woke up in a pool of sweat.

It was a dream.

It was just a dream.

I grabbed my cell phone and searched for pear trees in the google search engine. Once my results surfaced, I clicked on an article about seeing pear trees in your dreams. In bold letters it read: Dreaming of a ripe pear means that you will soon be worry free. I laid back down facing the dark ceiling. I didn’t know if it was God or my Pop trying to tell me something. Maybe to say, ‘I’m gone now, but I will be ok. So will m gone now, but I will be ok. So will you.” I smiled.

Thanks Pop.