The Mothers in Me

I used to think it was cliché saying becoming a mother was the hardest and most rewarding experience all rolled into one. Mostly because I couldn't comprehend how I'd feel and react to how much my life was going to change. Six months ago my beautiful daughter was born, I was overwhelmed with the amount of love I felt for her, it was intense. I grew jealous of others coming over to visit my new bundle of joy, I didn't love them holding her and grew quite sad because I wanted her in my arms. I even got jealous of when my partner cradled her to sleep. Though internally, I'd become so used to carrying her for 9 months, it just didn't feel right not having her on my person after the matter.

The first six weeks fell by, I was and still am so lucky with how much support I received from my partner, and our family and friends. The guidance from the mothers in my life filled me with encouragement and assistance. And, the support I received from those who hadn't experience what I was going through made me realise I could have been a better friend to those before me. However, the underlying hero's in this story aren't the ones I knew before becoming a mum, they are the ones who I met only because of it.

I was having a rough day, nothing dramatic happened, it was just a typical day for a new mum. The washing was piling up, I hadn't been eating properly, nor had I showered in two days. FYI, my partner did a lot, aside from working, he cooked majority of dinners and was/is very hands on with our daughter; I didn't shower because I chose to sleep over hygiene. I received a text from the maternal health nurse advising that my first mothers group started the following Wednesday, I was unsure if I'd go or not. I'd only really heard of mothers group not working out, people clashing and comparing their babies, until I realised I had nothing to lose.

The day came quickly, I straightened my hair and applied a tiny bit of makeup to feel as if I had it all together, or at least to be perceived that way. There was four other mums, they all looked amazingly confident, well put together and I became extremely unsure of myself. I'm still not entirely sure why I was suddenly filled with doubt, but possibly because I am quite open about my life and they seemed to have no struggles as new mums. However, I later found out that they had put a front on as much as I did. As the weeks went by everyone started not worrying about doing their hair and makeup, we wore active wear, begun opening up, about birth experiences, how they were finding becoming a mum, how their life had changed, and so much more. It was the only place other than home, I became comfortable breastfeeding and they didn't care because they had recently or were experiencing this struggle.

I found a different level of comfort, support and guidance in four women I barely knew. We all have strong opinions, different parenting styles and approaches, however we all did one thing from the start; we left judgement and unwarranted advice at the door. They became my inspiration, and the mothers who made the mother in me. You see, those four women all represented something different, I hadn't yet found within myself as a new mum. One is fiercely motivated to get fit, she makes no excuses, exercises daily, eats healthy and the best part is she does that for herself; she has motivated me to do the same and it really does feel good doing something for yourself. One is courageously open about her mental health struggles, sought for help within our group and professionally. Further, deciding to go back to work earlier than she expected, to aid her mental health with a little more contact with the world she once knew so well; she gave me the courage to to speak up and out about some of my own struggles. One is super confident within her mothering choices, with no hesitation she has introduced solids; giving me the confidence to stop second guessing my parenting style and just do it. And, one is immensly calm, her relaxed approach and persona is so refreshing within our highly strung society; she has taught me to calm down, take in the moments and enoy it all, as it comes.

Five months ago I was unsure of the mother I would become, these four women are the mothers behind the mother in me. They are not only my inspiration, they are also a support system that only know me as a mother; with no judgement as we fumble through motherhood together.