The Most Common Mistakes in Child Discipline

The most common mistakes in the discipline of the child - each of us, as parents, make some mistakes related to the education of the little ones. This does not mean that we are not good parents - it just means that we are human beings like everyone else!

But once you become a parent, it is very important to know how to admit when you made a mistake, when you reacted impulsively, when you acted inefficiently, and to make small mental notes to avoid small mistakes in the future. The parent is constantly learning - and part of the learning process is recognizing and avoiding these mistakes later.

What are the most common mistakes in child discipline:

Prohibitions, prohibitions: "You are not allowed to do…", "you are not allowed to say…", "you must not…", "stop immediately" - no, no, no. The discipline of the child does not only involve teaching him what not to do, what he is not allowed to do, constantly repeating this word!

Of course, when you raise a child, there are dozens of situations every day in which you are tempted to say "no"; but a positive approach might work better: instead of "don't do", try telling him "I'd like to do it" because "if you can" and explain why you're asking him to do something specific. the place of something else, the better)!

Focus on punishment. Is it true that when you think about discipline, you think of punishments? But punishment - though useful when clear rules are broken - is a negative way to educate a child.

Try to use punishments only when it is really necessary because using them too often makes the little one get used to them - so they will not have as big an impact. In addition, in child discipline, positive reinforcement of desirable behaviors is most effective. In other words, appreciating the child when he does what is expected of him and rewarding him when he is successful.

Once he sees that you approve and appreciate him, he will want to repeat the behavior. And the punishment is useful - but as has been said, only when an important rule is violated. Punishments that are too frequent or harsh can, indeed, discipline the child, make him listen - but this obedience is born out of fear and not out of respect!

Confusion between reward and bribe. Hard to avoid, but bribing the child to be good is a mistake in his discipline! When you can't convince him to behave properly or listen to him except by promising him or even giving him "something good", you have a problem imposing. The child must listen without being constantly promised a reward! Adequate and positive rewards are not those used as bribes, but those that reward a child's success.

It will annoy you and scream. One of the most common mistakes in child discipline: and how can it not be, when it is so difficult to keep calm while the little one does the crazy thing? Screaming at him, however, is not an effective way - in fact, the child listens and is impressed by a calm and cold tone, not by screams!

In addition, try to realize that a child will be a child: it is only normal that he will behave restlessly, will make you naughty, will not think about the consequences… when you had a hard or tiring day; therefore, not only the child's stupidity will make you burst; but the accumulated voltage state. As parents, you need to look for other ways to relieve yourself emotionally so that you can maintain self-control in your relationship with your little one.

"The parent speaks, the child listens." It is an old saying, just like the one that says a child should be seen but not heard. Creating one-way communication - from parent to child is another common mistake in child discipline. Of course, the child must listen to what his parents ask him to do and follow their rules.

But parents should explain to them why they are asking for what they are asking for, explain the rules, and be willing to listen to what the child has to say. Sometimes negotiating with your child is beneficial - maybe some of your requirements are too rigid, some expectations may be too high…

"Do what the parent says, not what he does" - a mistake of the parents is to ask the child different things that he, however, constantly violates. From polite formulas to the requirement to eat healthily and at the table, to the ban on screaming or speaking badly - if you ask your child to adopt or avoid certain behavior, do not let him see you violating it! You are the most important role model in your child's life and he is constantly learning to follow you.

Parents who disagree on the child's discipline. This will not be emphasized - you can read more in the article "Discipline of the child - when parents contradict each other".

Related to this situation: as a parent, you should not postpone intervening when the child has done something wrong! You don't have to pass on the responsibility of scolding or punishing the child just to the other parent: the classic "wait until dad/mom comes home and you see." When the child breaks a clear rule, the sooner the intervention, the better - in addition, it is preferable for him to know that both parents have authority, not just one.

Threats… no consequences! First of all, it is a mistake in the child's discipline to use threats too often to make him obedient: "if you are not good, you are not allowed to"; try to use clear requirements and even clearer explanations.

And when you see yourself forced to make threats, be careful - make threats too often, but don't act (which you tell him will happen if he doesn't listen), the child will get used to ignoring them happily! And one more thing: if a rule is broken once and you punish it, you will have to do the same if it is repeated; To punish randomly, depending on your mood, is confusing (so make it clear which behaviors are worth punishing and which can be tolerated in the child; the same nonsense is an inconsistent discipline!).

Stay flexible. And one last mistake in the child's discipline: to continue to treat the child the same, even though he grows and grows. And as he grows older, it is good to give him some more freedom and negotiate some rules. Remember: rules exist to protect and do him good - and sometimes a rule becomes useless.