The most comfortable state between husband and wife is not like glue, not respect each other, but …...

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Some people say: "people always have shortcomings and advantages, when in love, each other only see each other's strengths."

Marriage is not love, when romantic love is covered by trivial life, once the "dazzling light" no longer exists, the most real side is also exposed.

Some people will lose their original self for various reasons and tolerate the other half without a bottom line.

Do not realize that there is no bottom line of concessions, almost humble pandering, is the most vulnerable.

At any time, do not try to "please" to maintain the marriage.

The more humble you are, the more likely you are to get hurt; the more flattering you are, the less you are cherished.

In the end, the self is consumed and lost in the unequal relationship, and the marriage becomes a piece of sand.

I remember watching a heartbreaking piece of news earlier.

Mr. Wu was stabbed to death downstairs because he did not bring chicken legs to his wife.

The tragedy has something to do with their mode of getting along with each other.

On weekdays, Mr. Wu was so obedient and flattering to his wife that he dared not move even when he was slapped in the face.

The wife was also hard on her mother-in-law, and because she didn't want to live together, she was driven to live in an airtight storeroom.

Unconditional tolerance and accommodation, so that the "spoiled and proud" wife, more and more temper, only know how to ask and arrogantly "give orders."

On the day of the incident, Mr. Wu went home after the party, and his wife made a fuss because he forgot to buy the drumsticks. After the abuse, he stabbed him with a knife.

This too humble marriage has already planted the root of the disaster, which eventually led to a tragedy.

As the saying goes, "everything has its limits, but it is not as good as too much."

Unequal pay, excessive accommodation, no principle of ingratiation, no bottom line of tolerance, in exchange for a bright, but the other side is not afraid.

Think of the story of Xu Zhimo and Zhang Youyi.

Because it was an arranged marriage, the recalcitrant Xu Zhimo resisted very much and left Zhang Youyi alone in the empty house on her wedding night.

For fear of not getting the love of her husband and the dissatisfaction of her parents-in-law, she humbly maintained the marriage.

As everyone knows, her forbearance has no meaning, her husband has long loved others, but also when she was pregnant, he mercilessly abandoned it.

After the divorce, she bravely followed her heart and was reborn in Nirvana.

At that time, also got Xu Zhimo belated praise: Zhang Youyi is really a woman with courage and ambition.

Just imagine, if she had not put her status so low, how could the marriage have ended hastily.

Xu Jinglei once said: "I don't care what men think of themselves at all. In relationships, I choose to only please myself."

Between husband and wife, no one needs to please each other, and marriage is not about bossing around, not distinguishing right from wrong, let alone giving in.

In any relationship, you need to respect each other and maintain your position, rather than letting one person be the leader in it.

Marriages with the premise of ingratiating themselves against their will often hide the roots of causing trouble.

Someone once used the "seesaw" effect to describe love.

In order to keep the balance between the two ends of the seesaw, the heavy one will sit close to the fulcrum, while the light one will sit farther. Only when one party pays more can a balance be found and the marriage will not be out of balance.

It seems reasonable, but there is a big logical error.

Marriage is not a game, let alone a means. The best state of a marriage should be that both husband and wife can be themselves comfortably.

Sanmao once said:

"True love is not nervous, that is, you can burp, fart, pick your ears and have a runny nose in front of him."

This is also the daily life of her and her lover Jose.

In life, they will be comfortable to do what they like and relax, and will never be aggrieved or restrained for each other.

During the day, Sanmao likes the time when dusk and night exchange best. Jose also comes back from work at this time. After helping Jose prepare tea, she will say "I'm leaving" to him and go out for a walk alone.

They are lovers and more like friends. Sanmao once said: "neither side has excessive demands and occupation of each other."

After a short seven-year marriage, the two have tasted the sweetness of love and the hardships of life, but they have never forced each other to change. Ease and comfort are always the main theme.

For them, this is the most comfortable way to get along.

As Sanmao said in his Random thoughts:

"patient women are seldom seen by men, and they may have to be despised.

A patient man and a woman say that he is useless and look down on him. "

Husband and wife are the most intimate people who live together every day, so they can't take off their masks and be themselves. Isn't life too tired?

Truly happy marriages are "separate", simple, relaxed and natural, without tolerance or change.

Find the comfort zone, intimate, sparse and virtuous, so that it is the right relationship between husband and wife, instead of singing "monologue" alone.

In the hit drama "Little willing", the intellectual Nan Jianlong met Cai Juying, a female nurse because of a serious illness.

Unlike his wife's romantic and self-willed self, although Cai Juying is a rough person, she is gentle and considerate and is good at taking care of people.

In this way, Nan Jianlong had an affair, and Cai Juying, who had no culture and no temperament, came into his life.

Perhaps because of the great disparity in their identities, although they were the "mistress", after being "righted", Tsai Chu-ying still lived carefully:

She was submissive, humble and subdued to pour water for Nanjian Longduan tea and took care of his diet and daily life wholeheartedly.

As long as Nanjian Dragon needs it, she will work hard to prepare a large table of dishes and spend hours making soup.

In front of her stepdaughter Nan Li, she always looked flattering and graciously handed the slippers to her feet.

When her husband's ex-wife Zhao Na is injured, she will put aside her estrangement and take care of her husband.

Even the daily food purchase money, she will write down one by one in the account, let Nan Jianlong have a look.

She used humble "superior", also depended on humble to maintain marriage.

There is no bottom line to compromise and please, so that her daughter Tian Yulan can not help but "fight injustice" for her:

"you are the wife he is marrying by the matchmaker!"

"could you be tough, please?"

"if you wait on them to eat and drink, you won't say anything good!"

She was happy to say, "I'm not looking for his money, I'm looking for him," and "your uncle Nan knows it."

In more than ten years of marriage, she does not have the dignity of the hostess, but more plays the role of a babysitter, obedient, low for small.

On the surface, Nan Jianlong did not regard her as his wife from beginning to end, but in fact, it was Cai Juying who labeled herself "humble" and "obedient."

Marriage needs tolerance, but its cornerstone must be equality, not fawning please without a bottom line.

If you are always thinking about how to make the other person like yourself and how not to be abandoned by marriage, it shows that the relationship is already unequal.

Blindly giving and showing good will only lead to arrogance and arrogance; compromises and concessions without principles will only make the other party more and more take it as usual and ask for more and more.

Once this inequality turns into an attachment, marriage is not far from being destroyed.

Bo Yang once said: "for the continuation of love