The Memento

I spent most of my life watching the sunrise and becoming accustomed to serene mornings by the lake near my house. Most days there was sunlight and this happy feeling when stepping under it but the past week we had rain, just constant rain. It was during this ugly week that I got a telephone call from my estranged mother telling me that her father died and that I had to come home. Grandpa Jake dead, wow… Jake was a strong man it was weird to think he was gone from this world but I suppose he was 97 so he had lived a full and long life.

The next day I drove back to Bernsdale wondering what would await me there other then my mother. My mother Charlotte was not a loving woman. I can remember from my earliest memories that she never looked at me with love in her eye but with disgust. I wasn’t the only child that felt this way my 3 older brothers and younger sister felt the same way. There would have been 6 of us but the oldest our sister Amy died when she was 7, it was around that time that my mother started acting cold and distant towards us or at least that is what my brother James says, he was born after Amy so he would know.

The old farmhouse looked the same but the fields were empty now, my mother had no interest in raising any more animals or children. I pulled into the long drive and parked behind Grandpa Jake’s old blue ford pickup truck. The house where I grew up looked a bit trashy on the outside, I had not been home in 5 years though so I wasn’t sure what to expect. A fall breeze swept past me and I heard the old wind chimes sing their song, this comforted me but whatever was behind the front door probably wouldn’t.

I didn’t knock I just turned the knob and let myself in. The door was a bit stuck so I had to give it a push but got it open. The front entrance had the same dim lighting and same pictures as before. I could tell the floor there was dirty so I kept my shoes on. “Who is out there?” a rough voice came from the kitchen. “It’s me mom…” I said. I walked into the kitchen and saw my mother was already drinking, it wasn’t even noon yet. She had 10 scratch cards and was scratching away on her bingo game and taking big sips of what appeared to be rum and coke. I sat at the other end of the table waiting for a response from her as to why she called me home. “Here.” She said as she slipped a big yellow envelope across the table. In big bold printing was my name Jade in my grandpa’s writing. I assumed nobody opened it before me since it looked very crisp and firm. I tore into the envelope and there was a little black book and another smaller envelope which looked like a letter. I opened the smaller envelope first to see what it was. It was a letter in my grandfathers hand writing.

Dear Jade,

If you got this it means I am no longer in this world. I remember you well but I haven’t seen you in a long while. I left everyone a special package with a cheque and a little memento to remember me by. For you I leave a cheque of $20,000 which is more then anyone else received so if they ask tell them you also got $5,000. I am not trying to exclude anyone but I based the gifts and cheque amounts on who spent the most time with me and who seemed to care about me the most.

I will never forgive your mother for the way she treated you all growing up after Amy past on, for this reason, she gets the farmhouse and nothing else. Between you and me Jade, you bought the most happiness and sunlight into my life. I know you are in debt so I hope this $20,000 can help you with that.

The other item is a small black moleskin journal. This journal is from the last 10 years I lived on this earth. Before you read it, I must warn you there is a confession in there of something I did many years ago that was a terrible thing. During my low points, I would often steal from the cancer fund at my work. To this day I still get anxious remembering that and feel terrible for it.

I also have a section about a woman named Ruth… Yes, Ruth was my loving companion these last 10 years or so. We kept it a secret but I would go to her home and we would take care of each other's needs in a loving manner. Shocked yet, Jade? I guess this might not seem that shocking to you. There are other highlights in the journal but I will let those surprise you.

My darling granddaughter please take care of yourself and remember who you are and where you came from. Once I am buried please feel free to pop into the gravesite for a chat, just because I can’t respond doesn’t mean I am not listening.

Love,

Grandpa

My grandfather knew me well and he knew I was the right one to leave this journal with. I looked at the frayed pages and the black cover and backside. It was small but I could tell it was full of love, hopes, and dreams.

I inspected the journal closely and saw a spot in the back that said “Jades Goals”. Tears welled up in my eyes and I realized each year I had seen my grandfather I wrote a goal. But for the last 5 years, the dates had no goal beside them. I read the last goal I wrote down “I want granddad to teach me how to do woodworking.” Wow I thought that seems so long ago. And we never got to do it because of my hate towards my mother. I made a pledge in that kitchen that I would learn on my own just like grandpa and I smiled warmly.