The Immigrant Mentality to Hustling

I am a first generation American of Indian descent. My parents moved to the U.S. in the early '80s in hopes of a better life for themselves and a wealth of opportunities for their children. As any child of immigrants probably understands, this is not something that their parents take lightly.

A common self-deprecating joke among Indian Americans is that their family will disown them if they are anything other than doctor or a lawyer (or engineer or CEO or any other white collar “status” job). If you are even thinking about a career in the arts or public service, you might as well squash those ambitions before they are squashed for you.

This used to drive me absolutely batshit. How can a life devoted only to monetary reward and external validation have any sort of meaning and fulfillment?

As I have gotten older, some of my memories with my parents have changed - or at least I interpret them differently. When we would visit India every few years, I can recall the most poverty stricken areas I have ever seen. I remember being about 7 years old, walking through a sea of homelessness with my parents and having people hold out their hands directly to me to see if I had anything of value that I could spare.

As a child, and even as a young adult, this made me think primarily of the people suffering. As an adult with children of my own, it now makes me think of how these conditions shaped my parents’ philosophy in raising me. The immigrant desire for their children to build a wall of security through their work and education is born out of a lifetime of scarcity, and perhaps associated trauma. It is in their DNA to relentlessly fulfill the lowest level in the hierarchy of needs even after that need has largely been met. Self-actualization is simply a utopian dream for the disillusioned and naive.

Considering where this mindset comes from, it’s hard to argue with it. The hustle and the grind that comes out of it has lit the fuse for many great people to do great things. However, we now live in a world of hyperbolic expectations perpetuated through social media, notifying us of these expectations on a dozen different devices throughout the day. Our generation, immigrant or otherwise, has no choice but to evolve and manage these expectations for ourselves and our children. Parents now have a higher responsibility than ever to balance the message of work ethic that drove their own success with a message of self respect, confidence, and localizing one’s center of control away from their phones and into their heads.

Almost none of us are trained to do this, so we go back to what we know. We go back to what drove results in a world that no longer exists. Comparing yourself to your neighbor is one thing. Comparing yourself to millions on Instagram is another. If it seems like being wildly successful in this day and age almost requires you to be a sociopath, the model is flawed. Each and every one of us then either becomes a steward in spreading the problem or becomes a part of the antidote…

There is a reason why we can develop crippling anxiety over largely insignificant events. There is a survival mechanism in all of us that stems from the imminent danger response of surrounding prey. Fear of judgment or failure can literally trigger the biological response of a predator trying to kill us. It’s a protective measure that has allowed our species to evolve, but can also dominate and overwhelm our frame of thought. Leaders, managers and parents alike, have an opportunity to shepherd their followers into taking hold of this bug/feature within themselves.

I no longer get upset or critical about the immigrant mentality to hustling. It’s valid and there is a lot that can be learned and internalized from it. As with anything, we take in the good elements and replace the bad with something else. Staying hungry is a good motivator. Even mentally manufacturing that hunger where it doesn’t exist can be a useful tool. Having it supersede who we are and what we want is not. It’s destructive and toxic. We can do better for ourselves and we can do better for our children.

As a final thought, be grateful. Don’t avoid your struggle, but instead struggle with direction and purpose. As I’ve learned from the immigrant mindset, anyone who has the opportunity to elevate their lives through their own endeavors are among the luckiest people in human history.