The Horrors Of My Past

This is a work 30 years in the making. It is honest,crude,sad, inspiring and most of all a true story. So read with caution and with reverence to the struggle shared with you.

This was a time when rugrats came on at 8pm and Doug was one of the best cartoons Nickelodeon had out. I can still remember singing along to the opening theme song of Doug as it came on the TV. I remember rugrats being the only reason my mother allowed me and my brother to stay up until 830. I'm sure I wasn't the only child allowed to stay up past 8 to watch rugrats tho since this was the early 90s. The house I was living in at the time was a small two bedroom single level blue home located on the south side of Tacoma. The earliest memory i have in this home was me and my little brother watching cartoons in the living room when a hurried knock came to our door.

I remember hearing the knock and thinking "who is here?" It didn't seem like my mother was going to answer so i got up and answered the door. I had to have been between 4 and 6 so opening the door was no easy task. I eventually got it open and i saw my grandma and my aunt on the front steps. They quickly greeted me and rushed inside. I still remember my feelings of not understanding what was going on. My grandma and my aunt quickly grabbed my mother from the bedroom and dragged her into the bathroom and into the shower. Shortly after they dragged her into the bathroom and had her in the shower i heard what sounded like throwing up and my grandma saying "Why would you take all of those pills are you trying to kill yourself those pills will kill you." I remember standing there in the living room thinking "what are they doing to my mom" and wondering what pills are they talking about. As i stood there confused and worried i saw my aunt come out of the bathroom into the kitchen and back into bathroom with a long wooden spoon so i moved closer to the bathroom to see what was going on. What i saw ill never forget.

My grandmother was using the wooden spoon to make my mother puke in the shower. I saw her shove that wooden spoon down my mothers throat and just as my mother was starting to throw up the bathroom door was quickly shut. "what is happening" is all i could think. It felt like an eternity waiting on the adults in my life to come out of the bathroom but they finally did. My aunt came out first and she quickly helped gather me up and my stuff and my moms things and before i knew it we were at my grandparents. We stayed there for a couple days sleeping up stairs in my uncles old room. The thoughts that rushed through my head as i laid in that bed next to my mother who seemed to sleep like a rock are the same thoughts that some times plague my mind today..."was i going to lose my mom and what if i hadn't answered the door"...........