The greatest tragedy of marriage

From no words to no words to say

If you have been married for many years, how long has it been since you have communicated with the one at home? You will still communicate with TA heart-to-heart? Will still be eager to TA's every message? Do you communicate more than ten sentences a day?

To sum up the current situation in the marriage, it is easy to find that these have become the norm in many family marriages:

In the office to talk, back home silent;

Smiling at the wine table, expressionless at family gatherings; in love, nothing to talk about, after marriage, nothing to say;

They share the same room, but sleep in separate beds;

They eat at the same table, but prefer to chat on their cell phones;

The same table, but prefer to chat on the phone; spend time together, but each other but no words.

The gentle, easy-going side of the outsiders, leaving a cold, stubborn side to the love of each other. The space distance is very close, but the spiritual distance is very far, obviously sleeping together, but the most distant strangers, this is how sad contrast.

The heart may still desire love and care, but no one can open that mouth. The older you get, the more your feelings become addicted to the problem, the more you fight, the more you communicate and find that you don't see eye to eye, and the more disappointed you are. Finally, only cold war, day after day, January and a, unknowingly may have been several years have not spoken properly, gambling life, who does not serve who!

There is no form of marriage, but no content of marriage. How many marriages are experiencing this tragedy?

The movie "The Greatest Father in the World" has a line:

"I thought the worst thing in the world was to die alone. No, the worst thing is to grow old with people who make you feel alone."

Marriage is only true when it's bland, but bland does not mean "neglect", in a time of excuses busy, disappearing may be the most valuable education of children, and maybe the rare feeling between the couple.

Too many men take for granted that most things in the family should be borne by women, pay a little in the marriage, and think they have done their husband's part, long-term absence, but also justified, unrepentant, even at home is also watching the phone playing games, low-quality company.

So even if we grow old together, what is the difference with widowhood?

Marriage because of the house, children, and other reasons, have to be three generations together, which is the most distressing is the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, most families because of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law led to a sharp decline in the happiness index.

No matter how you quarrel with your mother, even if you break your head, in a few days, your mother will forgive you. Not so with your mother-in-law, as long as there is a disagreement, it will become a thorn in your bones. If the relationship is too close, they will let down their guard, and if one word is not right, they will break each other's hearts. If the relationship is too far away, under one roof, heads up, heads down, how to see is not good.

Every day in this delicate relationship to stay, the marriage is not affected by the strange!

Marriage is so bad, why continue? No one wants to continue ah, want to divorce a large number of.

But there are always people who advise:

For the sake of the children do not leave, give the children a complete home than what is important!

Children are still young, without a father or mother, so poor ......

Children will soon be in primary school, to the examination, to the entrance examination, divorce will affect the children's studies, later ......

The fact is that you can find a lot of people who are not able to get a good deal on a lot of things. And divorce is not only the destruction of the complete life but also starting over again, back to the old, this feeling makes you feel afraid.

As well as the elderly will feel that divorce is a very humiliating thing, to save face, they will want the children to maintain a lingering marriage. Of course, the reason is the grand "for the sake of the children."

But, because of the existence of these factors, so your marriage is getting worse and worse.

Then want to leave dare not leave, more ridiculous and sad is: while wanting to divorce, while busy having a second child!

There are many such examples around, not long ago she heard her husband outside a woman, two people quarreled, in the parents' persuasion temporarily did not leave, but after the quarrel can not move, they separated, each living their own life, she did not ask him anything outside the matter. He, or will give the child living expenses, from time to time to see her and the child. But not a year later, you will see her belly, and facial expression, "I want to have a second child".

This is what logic is, a lot of times I can not explain, but see more, it will be relieved.

Although we are choosing to escape, choose to resist, but still do not dare to step out of this stable emotional ruin.

When the marriage has entered a kind of "together and can not be divided" dilemma, we can follow these four steps to find the current balance of your marriage.

The first step is to learn to self-reflect and sort out

A good marriage is the result of two people working together, and any marital difficulties are never caused by one party.

In a difficult situation, we too easy to find each other's problems, and see each other's shortcomings, but often overlook our problems in these conflicts, conflicts, or deadlocks.

To find a relatively balanced state, you need to first clear your responsibility.

The second step, learn to have rational and objective views of each other

Contradictions and conflicts, often filled with too much emotion and subjective imagination, such as many cases of cheating, the cheating party as long a night home, the cheating party will feel that must be looking for a third party, and then make a lot of noise, or make a lot of drastic actions.

We are too accustomed to using instinct to reflect because when we are hurt in the relationship, facing the stimulus to come, our instincts will automatically protect us, you know, instinct is faster than the emotions of a reaction.

However, both instinctive and emotional reactions will continue to deteriorate the relationship between two people, and will not do any good to solve the problem, resolve the conflict, and find a balanced state.

After getting yourself settled and getting a basic sense of security, you have to start exploring each other more comprehensively, objectively, and rationally - why in the end would she do this? What is the need behind doing so? What can be done to reduce some conflict and more connection? Is it possible for us to work together again?

Step three, learn to pause the vicious cycle of the past

Many of us have been forming solid patterns for years or even decades, it is very difficult to control through our own will, even if we understand how to think more conducive to the relationship, it is also very difficult to do in action.

This process is very difficult, so try the process is a self-training process, but also on their growth and the other side of the assessment of feedback and testing.

Step 4, receive feedback and make adjustments promptly

If the previous efforts made - whether it is to improve their aspects, or to each other's reacquaintance - these changes if their current life is effective, then we should continue to maintain;

If not effective, we must see if they have not done it, why can not do it, how to do it, what is not the direction of the problem, need to adjust.

In continuous thinking and adjustment, reflect on themselves and each other and sort out, until they find a relatively balanced point so that they and each other are relatively comfortable with the state.

When the two people's conflict mode stops, to carry out the next understanding and try, so that a little closer to each other.