“The Friends You Never Make”

Writing has always been an integral part of who I am. Those who know me well would attest to my deep passion for storytelling, whether it’s fiction, romance, or other genres. Over the past few years, I’ve been jotting down my thoughts and experiences in a journal l’ve aptly titled “The Mindset of a Worried Young Man”

I invite you to take a moment to explore an incomplete version of the fourth chapter, aptly titled “The Friends You Never Make” It sheds light on those who enter our lives with ulterior motives, those who wear the mask of friendship but harbour intentions far less pure. These individuals teach us the hardest lessons of all: the danger of misplaced trust, the bitter taste of betrayal, and the painful realisation that not everyone who calls themselves a friend is one. In this chapter, we confront the difficult truth, not all friendships are meant to last, and not every person who enters your life deserves to stay.

Friendship, they say, is one of life’s greatest treasures. It’s the bond we choose, the family we create outside of blood ties. One should never fully rely on friends for validation or place the blame on them when they aren’t there for you. While friendships can offer support and encouragement, it’s important to remember that no one can meet all of your emotional needs all the time. People have their own lives, challenges, and limitations, and it’s unreasonable to expect them to always be available when you need them. Seeking validation from others can often leave you feeling disappointed, as true self-worth comes from within. Rather than depending solely on friends, it’s healthier to build a strong sense of self-confidence and emotional independence. Friendships should be a source of mutual support and understanding, but it’s essential to recognise that your happiness and fulfilment are ultimately your responsibility.

For over a decade, our friendship felt like that treasure, a sanctuary in a world full of uncertainties. We were two young dreamers, determined to climb life’s ladder together, unshaken by the challenges that loomed ahead. But as with all things in life, not every bond stands the test of time. What started as a shared journey of ambition and hope would eventually unravel into a web of setbacks, backbitings, betrayal, and heartbreak.

We had it all planned! late nights, deep conversations, brainstorming business ideas, dreaming big and daring to believe we could make it. We shared secrets, supported each other’s dreams, and even faced life’s setbacks side by side. Ours wasn’t just a friendship! It was a partnership, a pact to rise together against all odds. But what we failed to account for was the subtle erosion that comes when trust is replaced by envy, loyalty by greed, and love by pretence.

It started with little things, a sarcastic comment here, a dismissive shift there. At first, I brushed them off as harmless quirks, thinking, “That’s just who they are.” But little by little, those moments grew. Their once energetic support for collective achievements turned into warm acknowledgements. Their advice, once genuine and thoughtful, became laced with undertones of doubt. And then came the betrayals, small at first, but each one cutting deeper than the last.

The real turning point came when our dreams collided with reality. Life had dealt us both different hands, and rather than celebrating each other’s wins, resentment began to fester. Jealousy crept in like a thief in the night, stealing the joy we once found in each other’s successes. Suddenly, every word and action felt calculated, as though we were no longer allies but competitors. It was no longer about “us” but “me versus them.”

Parental influence added another layer to this rather fragile relationship. What once felt like an unbreakable bond was now under scrutiny from voices that questioned our intentions and worth. “Why are you still hanging around them?” “Are they helping you grow, or are they holding you back?” These words, whispered with good intentions, planted seeds of doubt that grew into towering walls of distrust.

Greed and selfishness were what ultimately destroyed everything.. Opportunities that could have been shared were hoarded; decisions that should have been made together were taken unilaterally. And then there was the pretense the smile that didn’t quite reach their eyes, the words of encouragement that rang hollow. The friend I once trusted with my life had become a stranger, their presence a reminder of what we had lost.

Our friendship was built on a foundation that seemed unbreakable but was ultimately undone by the flaws we couldn’t overcome.

Yet, amidst the heartbreak, there were lessons to be learned. I realised that not all friendships are meant to last forever. Some come into our lives for a season, teaching us lessons we didn’t know we needed. I learned to discern between those who genuinely uplift and those who merely linger, waiting for their turn to take. I discovered the strength to walk away, to let go of the toxicity and make room for relationships built on mutual respect, trust, and love.

To anyone reading this, I say: Be cautious about the friends you choose. Look beyond the smiles and the shared laughter. Pay attention to how they react when you succeed, how they stand by you when you fail, and whether their words align with their actions. True friendship isn’t about constant agreement or unending praise; it’s about honesty, loyalty, and the willingness to grow together, even when the road gets tough.

As I close this chapter of my life, I hold on to the hope that the beauty of genuine friendship still exists. I look forward to building new connections, ones founded on trust and mutual support. And to those who, like me, have faced the heartbreak of losing a friend, remember this: It’s better to walk alone than to walk with someone who drags you down.

Friendship is a gift, but it’s also a choice. Choose wise

By Alvin Maxwell Some