The Foster Care System Failed Me

When people talk about the foster care system, they often speak in statistics. Number of children in care. Rates of adoption. Budgets. Outcomes.

But I want to talk about the reality behind those numbers, because I was one of them.

I was in the foster care system as a child. I know what it feels like to be placed in a stranger’s home, pack your life into a trash bag repeatedly, and wonder if anyone sees you, not just as a case file or placement, but as a person.

Let me be clear: foster care can be life-changing in the best ways. There are dedicated foster parents and social workers who go above and beyond. But the system, as it exists today, is deeply flawed — and far too many children fall through the cracks.

What the System Gets Wrong

• Stability Is Treated as a Luxury

I changed homes more than once. Each move meant a new school, new rules, and starting over with people I didn’t know. This kind of instability has long-term impacts on a child’s development, sense of safety, and education.

• Mental Health Is an Afterthought

Kids enter the system because of trauma, abuse, neglect, and abandonment. But mental health support is minimal, and when it does exist, it’s often underfunded or inaccessible.

• Aging Out Means Being Left Behind

At 18 (or 21 in some places), you’re expected to… figure it out. Find housing. Get a job. Afford college. There are few supports for youth aging out of care, and many end up homeless, unemployed, or caught in cycles of poverty and incarceration.

• Children Rarely Have a Voice

Decisions about where we live, what happens to us, and who we can trust are made for us, not with us. That lack of agency sticks with us long after we leave the system.

• What Needs to Change

We need to stop managing this system and start transforming it. That means:

• Investing in family reunification and preservation services where safe and possible.

• Training and supporting foster parents, not just recruiting them.

• Embedding mental health care into every aspect of the foster care experience.

• Creating real transition plans for youth aging out, with housing, mentorship, and job support.

• Listening to current and former foster youth when designing policies and practices.

Why This Matters — Even If You’ve Never Been in Foster Care

You don’t have to have been in the system to care about it. Foster care intersects with education, criminal justice, healthcare, housing, etc. If we want a more equitable society, we have to start by supporting the most vulnerable, including children who didn’t ask for the cards they were dealt.

I’m not sharing this for sympathy. I’m sharing it because I made it despite the system, and I know too many who didn’t. We can — and must — do better.

If you work in policy, social work, education, or even tech, there are ways to help. Let’s start with listening to those of us who’ve lived it.

Also posted here: The Foster Care System Failed Me - And It's Still Failing Too Many Kids.

I’m one voice, but there are thousands more like mine. If you’re a former foster youth or someone working to change the system, I’d love to hear your story, too. Let's help these children have better chances at a life they never thought they could have.

Note to foster youth: You are not alone. You are strong! You are worthy of love. Don't give up! You're going to make it and you're going to beat the odds!