The End Was Only The Beginning

My story started way back when I was just a child. I was very shy, so I didn't have very many friends. That changed when I was in the sixth grade, when I met her. To others, she was the weird one. She laughed too loud. She wanted to be everyone's friend. She was different. The day I met her, my entire life changed. Even over a decade later, I can barely believe the extent of the impact she would have on my life.

She quickly became the best friend that I had ever had. I spent more time with her than I did my own family. We had sleepovers and parties. We used any possible excuse we could to spend time with each other. We were inseparable.

In 2013, we had the biggest falling out that we had ever dealt with. We didn't speak for months. During our graduation in 2014, she fell in front of our entire graduating class, and I briefly asked if she was okay as she walked by. That was the extent of our first conversation in almost a year.

As time passed, my mother still gave me updates on her. She knew that we had stopped talking, but she refused to give up on the idea of us being friends. In October of 2014, she informed me that my friend had gotten married. I wanted to be happy, but I was too busy being bitter. In January of 2015, I got married, but I refused to tell her. I wanted nothing to do with her.

In the summer of 2015, my mother tried again to get me to reconnect with the one who had been my best friend for years. This time, she had an even better reason. My friend was pregnant with her first child. That day, I sent her a message to congratulate her. That day, I had a real conversation with my best friend for the first time in almost two years.

All of the emotion that I had been holding in burst. I told her that I was sorry for being so angry for so long. I told her that I heard she had gotten married and that I did too. I told her that I missed her and that I still loved her very much. She was at my house less than an hour later.

We jumped right back to where we were. We spent most of our time together. Our husbands got along well enough. We spent a good bit of time catching up, and the rest was ancient history. We never talked about "the dark times". We simply pretended that they never even happened.

The next three years were some of the best in my life. She had her daughter in August of 2015, and she was quick to name me as her godmother. I spent a lot of time with her and her daughter while our husbands were at work. We celebrated birthdays and holidays. I frequently crashed at their apartment because it was far too late to drive home.

In those three years, she also helped me cope with a lot of things I would not have been strong enough to handle on my own. I lost my uncle in November of 2015. I found out that I had a medical condition that would prevent me from being able to have children of my own. I was dealing with mental health issues. Through thick and thin, she was there for me.

In early 2018, she found out that she was pregnant again, and I was ecstatic. There were a few differences this go around, however. She told me that she wanted me to take her to all of the appointments. She wanted me in the room when her son was born. She wanted me as involved as I could possibly be, and her reasoning made me break down in tears.

As I mentioned, I cannot have kids of my own. Her and her husband decided that they would do all that they could to give me the experiences that a birth mom would go through. They had even looked for a place for all of us to move into so that I could be there for all of the milestones. I was overcome with joy and excitement for this.

In the summer of 2018, she became ill. She developed a severe case of Hyperemesis Gravidarum, often referred to as HG. During this time, she was losing a good bit of weight. She couldn't eat or drink, and when she tried, it just wouldn't stay down. She ended up having to take several medications and even IVs for fluids. She had been sick with her daughter, but this was much worse. We were just waiting it out, hoping it would go away soon.

In August of 2018, her son was born six weeks early. He was in the NICU for a little while, until he was healthy enough to come home. Once they were back at home, I was back to spending as much time as I possibly could with them.

As the days passed, we noticed that she wasn't getting any better. In fact, her condition was getting worse. She still couldn't hold anything down. She was bloated and uncomfortable all the time. She just felt miserable. So, she finally decided to go to a hospital, hoping to find some answers. We tried one hospital, but they were understaffed and overwhelmed. So, we drove almost two hours away to another hospital.

What we thought would be a quick in and out turned into hours and hours of waiting. They ended up admitting her to a room, and I had to leave for work. Arrangements had already been made for her mother to come pick her up when they released her. That was the last time I saw my friend.

On September 27 at one in the morning, my world turned upside down. I woke to my phone ringing. The caller ID showed her mom's number. Initially, I panicked and didn't answer. After the third time, I tried to pick up, but my phone froze, almost as if it were trying to protect me. Finally, my text message alert went off. Those two messages are forever burned into my memory.

"She's gone."

"Her body just gave up."

I sat in a state of shock on my bed. I laid down, closed my eyes, hoping this was just a bad dream. I opened my eyes, looked at my phone, and repeated the process. Once reality set in, I woke my husband, and it wasn't until I was showing him the messages that it actually clicked. I absolutely lost it. I was crying and screaming and gasping for air. My sisters came to check on me. My father woke up to see what the noise was. My mother even called to see if I was okay.

I was far from okay. My world as I knew it ended. I had just lost my best friend in the entire world. I lost my sister. I lost my soulmate. She was my other half. She was my person. She knew me better than anyone else on this earth, and just like that, she was gone. She was only 22. This kind of stuff just doesn't happen to people our age.

In the coming days, I was trying to hold it together the best that I could. I had made a promise to her that if anything were to ever happen, I would help her husband take care of her kids. I never thought that I would have to come through for that promise. I was sure that I was going to die before her, but there I was. I was lost, confused, angry, hurting; but I had to do what I promised I would do.

In November of 2018, my marriage of almost 5 years came to an abrupt end. My husband decided that I wasn't giving him the love and attention he so deserved. We got into a very heated argument over the fact that I was spending so much time with her kids. The epiphany moment for me was when he looked me straight in the eyes and said, "She's dead. Nothing's going to bring her back. Spending time with her kids won't bring her back. They aren't your kids. They will never be your kids. Get over it and move on." I filed for divorce a week later.

In December of 2018, I moved in with her family to help take care of the kids while their dad was at work. As time went on, their dad and I became very close. We had already been friends for years, and from the perspective of anyone who truly knew us, it made sense.

In February of 2019, the four of us moved into our own apartment and began trying to move forward. It had been agreed that our son would see me as his mother, being that he never got a chance to know my best friend. Our daughter, on her own, declared that I am her extra mom. As for their dad, we eventually entered an official relationship, and in January of 2021, we got married. When we got married, my best friend's children became my stepchildren, although we don't use the "step" part.

It has now been almost 3 years since she passed. It hasn't gotten better, but it's gotten easier to cope with. We still keep her memory alive. Once our son is old enough to understand, we will tell him all of the wonderful things about her. We talk about her with our daughter frequently, and we remind her that we haven't forgotten what an amazing person she was.

Despite all of the pain and sadness we have been through, we have managed to keep going. Some days are easier than others. Some days feel like a knife in the chest. There are many things in this life that I am grateful for. My best friend is one of them. She gave me a life that I would never have known. As it would turn out, the end was only the beginning.