The day of.

The smell of moving water, dry leaves and old wood filled her nose.

The day started Like any other, but when my her eyes opened fully, she remember the dream, and the pain, her father was gone.

It had only been seven months since she received the call from her mother, it seemed so long ago, but yesterday. She knew that didn’t seem logical to most, except people who have lost. People who knew what it was like to walk away from a bed that you never want to leave.

“That day” also started like every other, and when the phone rang she jumped to answer, it was her mom. HELLOOOO she said, the silly way she always answered. “An ambulance is coming for your father meet me at the hospital.” She hung up without another word and rushed to put on clothes.

Driving she thought of all the possibilities, taking a leave from work to help take care of her dad, moving him into her house for 24 hour care he may need. But never did she think of death, it just never crossed her mind, her father was well, she just saw him. “He was well,” she thought.

Walking into the hospital she received a visitor number, a number 2 written on a sticker and placed on her sweater. “He’s in room 2” a nurse said, “go ahead back.”

She found room 2, opened and door and there was her father sitting up, answering questions. He looked good, really good, she was relieved. The doctors were watching the monitor, taking his pulse, and getting an IV started. His blood pressure was low, so they started some meds to bring it up. And it worked, slowly his blood pressure returned to normal. Although the pressure was good, his heart was slowing. The doctors knew they need to get him to cat scan to see why his heart was slowing even with all the medications on board.

She bent down to kiss her father, he looked agitated to be there. He never said her name, but she knew he was happy to have her there. They had always been close, she was daddy’s girl from day one.

Then he looked at her and asked “am I dying?” She told him no, I won’t let that happen, they need to do some tests to see what’s going on.” She bent down and kissed her dad again, “I love you daddy.” They pushed him down the hall , away from her, she watched until he was gone.

She wouldn’t talk to him ever again. His heart stopped shortly after arriving in cat scan. After four minutes for CPR they were able to bring him back, 4 minutes without a pulse, or oxygen. It was too long, damage had been done.

She was told you can return to his room, but the doctors met her at the door. “He’s intubated, and sudated.” Still death did not cross her mind. Ok, she thought, he needs a rest. “We think you should say your good byes.”

“Wait! What?” There was no time for the doctors to answer, it was time, he was leaving. She rushed into the room, she held his hand, she spoke quietly in his ear. “Have the most incredible journey dad. I love you so much.” She paused as he made one last attempted to breath on his own, he was gone.

Four months had passed, she didn’t feel him with her, she didn’t dream about that most difficult day, she didn’t feel a connection at the cemetery. Everyday she took her dogs for a walk, and sat near a creek. “Dad if your ok let me find a four leaf clover.” She never found one. Day after day, she asked for that sign of peace. Nothing.

It was her husband, John, that told her “stop honey, that’s not how it works.” She knew that, but she thought her bond with her dad was different, it was stronger then most. Surely he would send her a sign. He didn’t, and slowly she stopped asking.

She woke up on that cold October day, the dream so fresh in her mind. He was there she could see him, she was so upset with him. “Dad! Do you know how hard that was? To say good bye?!” He answered, “ yes I do.” And was gone again. That was it, it was short, too short for her. “That’s all I get? That’s the connection people talk about?

She dressed and called the dogs, “ come on time for our walk.” She sat where she always does, the dogs jumping in the water. The dream kept playing through her mind. She threw a stick and her dog brought it back and dropped it at her feet, she reached down to throw it again, and there it was. The most perfect four leaf clover she had ever seen. She looked up with tears in her eyes, “thank you daddy.”

The end