The Crows Message from Yama, the Lord of Death

I stirred a small spoonful of chili powder into the pot of simmering butter chicken sauce. The smell enveloped the entire house. I hoped I was doing it right this time. The kids deserved that much. Maybe it would help make their week easier.

I didn’t want to make butter chicken again that “wasn’t like hers.” I really tried… the old song played over and over in my head. Tomatoes, onion, garlic, and chicken… spice, spice, spice, but wait… that’s not how I make it? What is missing?

I began to feel faint from the heat that radiated from the tiny stove. I wiped off the sweat from my face into the dish towel, downed the entire cup of orange juice on the counter, and began to work on the dough for the garlic naans. I wasn’t sure if I would ever get used to India’s heat. Wasn’t it supposed to be monsoon season? Why on earth was it so hot?

My mind wondered as I played with the dough. I had only been home for ten days. I was attending my second year of medical school in Oklahoma when I got the call. I liked Oklahoma. It was quiet compared to here… and they had air conditioners. But that life is over for now. Time to put my dreams on hold… Maybe with luck, I can try to finish later.

My sisters needed me… They didn’t have anyone else.

I stared at my mother’s picture on the wall. It was encircled in a garland of canary-yellow marigolds. I have no idea what I’m doing. I need you.

I heard my sister’s laughter coming from outside. I smiled at the sound. It looks like they made it home from school. It was their first day back since… she died. Their voices carried through the open windows of the house.

“Do you think she’s going to try to make us clean our rooms? Or pray?”

“She can’t make us. She’s not our mom.”

“If she doesn’t make us, then who will?”

I wonder if they knew I could hear their conversation? It felt wrong to listen. I couldn’t really blame them if they didn’t want to listen to me. They were so young when I went off to college.

The front door was thrown open by my younger sister Ela. Krisha followed in behind her.

“Anika, Krisha says you’re going to make us clean our room! Is that true?” Ela yelled, raising her eyebrows in Krisha’s direction.

“Yes, but not every day… only on Saturdays,” I responded as I finished up the naans.

“Oh… well I guess that’s okay then. What are you making?”

“Butter chicken…” I held my breath and waited for her judgement. I’m a grown adult, I shouldn’t have to feel like I have to prove myself. But here I am.

The seconds seemed to go on.

“Oh, it doesn’t smell like moms. Are you sure you know how to make it? Last time it tasted like rotten tomatoes and chicken.”

“Well let’s hope it taste better than it smells then.”

Come on Ela and Krisha. It’s time to go!” I yelled from the entry way and looked down at my watch. I forgot how long traveling through the city takes and was nervous I wasn’t allowing enough time. I hope they weren't still sleeping.

Krisha was the first to join me in the tiny entryway.

“You can’t wear that to the Preta-Karma ritual… go back and change. You know you have to wear white.”

“Yea Krisha! You have to wear white not purple!” Ela giggled from behind her bedroom door.

After everyone was finally ready, we were off. The driver was already aware of the location. He was like an uncle, and has been our family driver for over twelve years.

The journey was oddly quiet.

The ritual was sad. I was so glad when we finally made it home again.

“Anika… do you think mom’s spirit made it to another body? Like you don’t think she’s stuck somewhere and unable to reincarnate do you? It’s been thirteen days passed already and we still haven’t seen the crow,” Krisha asked, she looked serious.

“Yea, do you think mommy’s stuck?” Ela joined.

I looked at them for a moment. They were so young… 6 and 9. What was I supposed to tell them? Do I just lie and make them feel better? I looked around the room and a thought hit me.

“I’m sure she made it Ela. You never know… just look at that crow sitting just outside of our window. You always go outside and look for it… but have you every tried to see it from the inside? It could be the sign we’ve been waiting for. You just have to just keep your eyes open.”

“Oh! You think that’s the messenger of Yama?” she said excitedly. She ran to the front door and threw it open. “Hey come in! You’re late and your food is getting old,” she called waiving her arms out at the crow.

I put my palm on my face. Oh dear… I guess I messed that up.

Suddenly the crow flew from the window, through the open door and landed at the table near my mother’s picture. It looked at it and let out a high-pitch caw. I walked over to it and tried to catch it, but it had raised its wings and was off again.

This time to land at the top of the cupboards… it walked back and forth and cawed… again and again. On its third time, it knocked into something. The object plummeted to the floor. The crow raised its wings again and flew out of the open door. Ela and Krisha ran to chase it.

My eyes went back to the fallen object. It was a little black book. I picked it up and examined it. It looked new. I turned to the first page.

“My darling Anika,

I’m so sorry I had to leave this way. I wanted to tell you once I found out I was dying… but I wanted you to be free from knowing for as long as you could. There is a peaceful happiness in not knowing. I saw it with my own patients, just before delivering them bad news.

I’m so proud of the woman you have become. You have accomplished so much in 24 years. You have traveled and done things I wish I had the courage to do. I have arranged for you to have $20,000. It is sitting at the bank in your name. More will come later.

I know you are destined for great things. I believed it the moment you were born. You are going to save the world one day… but it seems you are going to start a little closer to home. Your first job is to finish raising your sisters. It’s going to be hard. They can be so dramatic at times, but you are strong and I know you can do this. And I will be with you the whole time.

I don’t want you to give up on all of your dreams. I know you love helping people. You always have. So I talked to my boss and have arranged for you to work at my hospital… it seems they will be down a nurse by the time you read this and I couldn’t ask for a better replacement. I left his number on the back of this letter. Call him when you’re ready. Just don’t wait too long.

Please raise them like I raised you. Play our old games with them. Remember how we would play, “but that’s not how I make it?” I taught you how to cook with that game. I can still hear our little songs… tomatoes, onion, garlic, rice, and chicken… spice, spice, spice and stir it up. But wait, that’s not how I make it!? Do you know what’s missing?

Oh, and I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you the secret ingredient for butter chicken before. It’s cup of coconut milk. Use this information well.

Please know that I will always love you! - Mom”

I clutched the book to my chest and felt a sense of closure wash over me that I didn’t realize I was waiting for. I love you mom.

That night I added coconut milk to the leftover butter chicken. On Saturday, everyone cleaned their bedrooms and later that day I called the hospital.

We never saw the crow again.