The Biggest, Bestest, Bumper Book of Dad Jokes in the Multiverse!

Hello fellow humane beings , travellers and explorers of universes, please find my jokes here worth reading, i hope you do and you enjoy them as much as i do, future jokes will be available as i write them, my jokes are my own creations, enjoy everyone and best Ever-mores to you all, thanks!

I broke new ground today, I hit it with my hammer!

I must be a dashing prince, I'm always on the run, zooommm!

I went to the Serengeti and asked a lifeform i found there, "Giraffe?", he replied," Yes, I Raffe when I hear a good joke!"

I sponge bobbed my square pants, what a mess I made, one shower later I feel fine, now I'm wearing my seat-of-the pants!

I went on the best trip in a boat, my gravy boat, I had roast beef for dinner!

I superglued tubes of smarties to my underwear, I needed to be a smarty-pants!

I was asked to do some housework and get hoovering, so I hopped on a flight to America and took 999,999,999 photo's of the Hoover Damn!

I butted heads with a butt, it was a cigarette butt, but in time I might say I need to think of my butt and stub it out, but for now-stress, I'm not out to impress by stopping, I digress, I'm not called, "Smokey Joe", for nothing, butt maybe that's something!

I said hi to some hieroglyphs, they said hi back, the professor was studying an ancient stack, but even professors need food so pancakes I recommended, in a neat little pack!

I bumped into a guy who told me he was a longshoreman, he asked for some money, I said, sorry, I'm a bit short, I'm only five feet tall!

I went to get my top-hat, but it was at the bottom, the Mad Hatter had sat on it, I shouldn't be so clumsy!

I used to be irony impaired but now I take iron tablets!

I wrestled with a ram, but I lost, it was a battering ram!

I'm fine, so fine I need to go through myself with a fine-toothed comb!

I'm recycling trash in my bins, recycling is great, so is bicycling and tricycling, but it's hard to do with three cycles, especially if you are a cyclops!

I'm all over the plaice these days, I'm having fish for breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper then I'll put myself in my place!

I appointed a point and put cream on my sore joint, then i forgot, what was the point!

I peered through the mists of time, it was foggy and my alarm clock was buzzing!

I went on safari, it was safari away I couldn't see my destination!

I reached for the reacher to grab my remote but it was beyond my reach!

I would like to read Homers Odyssey, i wonder if Marge is still writing it, mmmmm donuts!

I went to the beach to see my buddy, they were making sandcastles there, i said to my bud in shock, "Sandy, what have they been doing to you?"

I always knew I was a spaceman, i needed more space for my paperwork and movies!

I've got a great world view, i can see my round belly well, I even have Australia tattooed on my slightly below the equator!

My buddy recommended i invest in a pyramid scheme, so i studied physics and engineering for eight years, built myself a time-machine, popped back to ancient Egypt and built the pyramids at Giza!

I knew someone who was in a very pedestrian job, but they really enjoyed walking!

Why did the brain ask why?

Because it had an enquiring mind!

I hope you all enjoyed my jokes, i thank you for reading, More to come so check in in a month or so. best wishes!

note: I'm limited by health and disability but ill be posting short storys as well watch for my first, "The brazen maggot and the pompous dietician!"

Take care everyone!